it's back.
ok, i finally got the images section back up and running.. and not only that, but i put up more art! that's right folks, i've been doing more than just playing pingpong here at art school. of course, there's not as much new stuff as i would like, but you wait.. there will be more.. so go have a look.

revisions and revising.
every time i write, or talk, or even think about the events in the states, i end up contradicting myself. i say things one day, and the next day i change my mind. i think that that's important though, to revise your thoughts. and i think that that's one of the main problems with the way the u.s.a. has been dealing with the whole situation, they haven't revised anything, it's just been "we're going to find you, and you're gonna get it!" from day one.

now, i likened the united states to a global bully in my last post. but what is important also is that they don't seem to understand that a good part of the world views them that way. it's like they're the school yard bully, constantly beating up the little kids, and instilling fear, and imposing values.. but they honestly believe that they're not a bully.. they think they're the hall monitor. they really seem to believe that any freedom that exists anywhere, any knowledge, any understanding is because of them. they keep the order. but it's just not true.

by the way, i'm not any kind of anti-american propagandist. i have a lot of issues with alot of their policies, ideologies, and global interactions.. but i think that recently, canadians seem to have shifted their focus from "i'm proud to be a canadian" to "i'm proud to not be an american", and i'm sorry, but that's lame. i'm not what you could call any kind of patriot, but national identity shouldn't come from just knowing that at least you're not the guys next door.

a big part of the problem is that it seems like the reason this whole deal matters is just because it's in america. sure, they've never felt anything like this before, but they sure as hell have dealt it out before. and besides that, wars have crippled nations throughout history, and nothing like this has been made of it. i just don't see what makes american lives worth more than others.. (i'd like to change that to north american, or even western. that seems to be the attitude.)

and what's more offensive is that bush has said a few times now, (and the news stations are running with it) that this is the "first war of the 21st century". excuse me, what planet do you live on? just because this is the first war in the 21st century to include america, does not mean that there haven't been wars every day in numerous countries that we don't hear about, because it's not a part of the western world, and therefore not important. i really can't get over the ignorance, the arrogance. but then again, according to america, the second world war started in 1941 when america reluctantly joined in, and then only because they were in danger. until pearl harbour it was basically "leave us out of this, go deal with hitler yourself."

lastly, i'm not saying that osama bin laden did or did not have anything to do with this whole thing. i have no way of knowing.. but i do think that considering the usa's past with the middle east, it's not surprising that they would automatically jump to that conclusion. i mean, it very well could have been him, or someone else in league with him... but keep in mind that when the oklahoma bombing went down, america was "positive" that it was osama bin laden. positive. until they found timothy mcveigh. right now they seem to have so few clues, so little evidence, but they seem so sure, and that scares me. how can you consider war actions with so little to back you up?

i don't know if i'm making any sense. i'd like feedback, i really would. i'd like to hear what other people think about this, because i'd love more input, more ideas to consider. i don't think i'll come up with any concrete conclusion, but it's good to consider.

so lets give this a little more thought.
i'd like to add a little bit to how i feel about tuesday's events. and please don't expect this to be entirely clear, because it's not entirely clear in my head. these are just some of the thoughts floating around up there.

first of all, as horribly as what happened to america is, and as much as i understand the desire to find the people who did it, i do think that there's a more pressing matter to be dealt with here: i can't get over the fact that bush and the rest of america are putting so much energy into finding out who did this, and what they will do to them once they've found them, all the while, completely ignoring the one question that i think is far more important to american society as a whole. (this applies to us to, canadians).

"why would somebody want to bomb us? what have we done that could have elicited such a strong contempt?"

now i think that if america took the time to really think about that question, maybe we could get somewhere. i'm in no way justifying the actions that took place, i still can't get over the number of people that died, and the horror of it all. but really, why would someone want to hurt america? i can think of a few reasons.

let's think about all the small countries, and all of the people that america has fucked over through the years. how many bombs have they dropped? i think that what it really comes down to is a general attitude of "god given superiority" and an even more entire lack of respect for other countries and other peoples. the way that america has managed to keep the rest of the world in they're place as an "other", as "them" can, and apparently did amount to a lot of hard feelings. "it's ok to bomb afghanistan, because they're wrong and we're right, and besides that, what can they do to stop us?" well, apparently they can steal your own planes and cause you a lot more suffering than you thought.

once again, i want to say that i'm not supporting what happened. (you'll hear that again by the time i'm finished writing, i'm sure.)

and to add insult to injury: "america was targeted because we're the brightest beacon of freedom in the world.." -george w. bush.

i think that it's more likely to assume that it's that kind of attitude that would lead to such severe contempt.

now i'd like to talk purely theoretically for a second:

let's think about the events of tuesday in a purely political way. let's try (it's tough, i know) to not let emotions get involved. and finally, let's also assume that countries have the capability of reasoning things out after an event such as this. (they don't, as far as i know.) by the way, this is purely hypothetical, i'm not forming any concrete decisions here. but trying to look at this with a very very long term perspective, i might almost be able to say that despite the numerous deaths, tuesdays bombings could have been, in a way, a very effective wake up call, and in the long term, maybe even one of those awful happenings that despite it's obvious horrfic nature, could, in the long run, end up having positive reprocussions. of course the only way that could be would be if america were to take the message to heart, and started thinking "maybe there are some drastic changes to be made to the way we run our country, and more importantly the way we treat the rest of the world." i don't think that will happen though. i'm still in shock, i'm still disgusted, and i'm still horrified by the event.

another side note: this is the first time that america has ever felt anything at all that's even remotely similar to what they've done to countless other peoples. this is the first time that it's really been them taking the random hits. (pearl harbour was bad, yes, but that was wartime. how many times has america carried out bombings just to get a point across, totally unexpected, etc.) assuming that afghanistan is responsible, then it's fair to say that what they did was awful, and huge. but it's also fair to say that they've suffered much worse than that at the hands of america. that's not to say that i support the "eye for an eye" ideology, but when you consider the damage done respectively, when taking size into account, the percentage of people that died in america, compared to the percentage of people that have died in afghanistan (and many other places) because of america, it really becomes more of an "eye for both legs".

that's not meant to justify the bombing, but it does make it more understandable.

i guess what i'm getting at here is that, the event is over, it's already happened and we can't make it go away. we can't rewind. we do have two options though:
1) find the fuckers who did it, and bomb the shit out of them.
2) think about why it happened, and how we've been acting. and maybe start reforming and making the world better by just having more respect. (listen to me, i'm talking like i live in america. i don't, but i think this lesson goes for us too.)

will it happen? probably not. but if it did, and in 100 years there was peace (for the most part) and people weren't getting bombed, and there was no longer an "us against them" attitude, i think maybe people might think differently about tuesdays events. they might think of them more along the lines of breaking a bullies arm to scare him straight. maybe.

but i don't think it will happen. i don't think the world works that way. and i still abhore what happened. i still think it was a nightmare for a people who aren't used to anything but peaceful sleep. (people like me.) and i still see those towers crashing in my head, and i cringe.

i don't even know where to begin.
jesus christ!

i woke up this morning at around 9am, and the first thing i hear is on the radio, that the world trad center had been hit by a plane! i turned on the tv, and i see the second plane hit the second tower! i can't even begin to describe what today has been like. i can't think straight, i can't focus. the world trade center, gone. the pentagon, in flames. numerous other horrific events happening all over america.

what's worse, is that i'm not surprised.

sure there's the shock of sudden chaos, but to be perfectly honest, how could i possibly pretend to have not seen something like this coming at some point. i mean, to me, it seems like considering the general state of america, world trade, human rights, and everything else lately, it was only a matter of time before something broke. and i guess this is it.

what's scary is that maybe it's not over.

what's scary is the position bush has taken. he's got the "this is god's country, we're AMERICA, and YOU DON'T FUCK WITH AMERICA!" attitude. to quote the big george w. himself, "terrorism against america WILL NOT STAND". everyone is calling this an act of war. war! i mean holy hell, this really is the kind of thing that could result in a war. that's not to say that it will, but it really could, and that scares the hell out of me. (i don't even live there)

this is going to change everything. seriously, this is world-changing. this is a day our generation will remember. i'll remember where i was.

jesus.

as a side note, i have to wonder how this is going to affect economies, american especially, but also ours, in relation to theirs. think of the clean up they'll have to undergo. think of the aftermath costs. it's mindboggling.

right now i feel like there's airplanes crashing in my head.

the dreams, they come and go.
i talked to matt on icq last night after work, and then i went to bed. what's cool is that after talking to him for a little while online, i had a dream that he was in. in the dream we hadn't seen each other since christmas, which is true in real life as well. we were at a huge show in an abandoned school, where many bands were playing in different empty classrooms and washrooms at the same times throughout the school. it was awesome, because we just ran into each other, and then we hung out for the whole thing.

also, before the show started, i was climbing up and down (with my bike, somehow) on these rafters where there was construction going on outside. "excuse me, pardon me, i'm sorry" i would say to the workers, who always looked annoyed, but never did anything.

and finally after the show, i was looking for my bike, which i'd left in one of the rooms, when one of the workers told me that he was a cop, and he would have to take the piece of wood from me, because it was a weapon. i told him that it was a piece of wood that i was carving to make earrings (which i was) but he still wouldn't listen. i was about to run (over a piece of wood?) but he grabbed me, and tood it.

and then i woke up.

man, it's 1:12, and i just woke up like 25 minutes ago. i need to get out of the house.

i'd like to add an "oh hell!" to that.
school has started, and for the most part, my schedule rules. the only thing is that i didn't get into basic colour photo, which i wanted so badly. i suppose it's not that big of a deal, i mean, i can take it another time. but it still stinks. i'm trying to find something else to fill the spot, while also hoping that someone will drop it, so that i can sneak in. if i had time, i could have gone today to get into "deviance as process", an MFA course, which looks really cool, but i'm scheduled at quinpool at 5pm, and the course ends then, and i can't get our early, or go to work late. so if it comes to it, i'll just go to deviance next friday. maybe i'll even take illustration on mondays or something.

also, i have a lot of stuff to do today, and it seems like no time to do it in.

and finally, quinpool. i've never worked quinpool before, and it's going to be kind of annoying, because i'm sort of relearning everything. arg!

but i digress.

i'm really really really excited about all of the courses that i am signed up for: intro printmaking, intro printed matter, and psychological issues in art (perception).

good lord, electricity's a good good thing.
for those of you who don't already know, we've been completely without power at my house since friday. roughly four full days by candlelight. also, these were the days that we had picked to paint, and generally fix up a good portion of the house. did this lack of power stop us? no sir! we used the daylight hours until we had no more, and then we'd sleep. it really shortens your day. and to add to things, without electricity, we had no music. i don't know how much that would affect most people, but we were going crazy. we eventually resorted to putting batteries in brent's keyboard, and picking random beats to listen to. (that can get a little annoying too, but it's better than nothing sometimes.) and lastly we couldn't eat much, because we a) had no cold food and b) had no way of heating anything. we've made do though, lots of peanutbutter sandwiches.

we made it through alright though, and the power's back, and of course, it's been a rush for the internet, and the music's going, and everyone want's to cook something.

i'm going outside. there's too much damned electricity in this house. haha.

it's a sad sad day in rock city.
and now on a slightly more serious note, we bring you a story that can best be described as "a tragic offense, against the good name of rock and roll." the kids at willow street have, sadly, been asked to remove the decals, which spelled out the word "rock", from the front door. it has become apparent that not everyone on willow street subscribes to the book of rock and roll. even more disheartening is the news that our landlord feels that we should keep our beliefs in rock and roll to ourselves.

this is just like when those roman bullies came down on the christians for backing their pal jesus. and that was 2000 years ago, i mean, cripes!

can't we all live in peace, rocking, or not rocking, according to our own beliefs? and can we not wear proudly the name of "rock" on our sleeves? (doors?) apparently not.

don't worry folks, the rock is gone from our door, but not from our hearts. the kids at willow street will continue to rock and roll until the day we die! (more on this later.)

days off are for suckers, anyway. (sob)
so i went into work today to get my paycheck, and basically say hi to everyone, and look at the schedule. when i arrived, i found two things: a) the paychecks weren't there yet. (not an issue, i didn't need it immediately) and b) everyone was going insane. it turns out that today has been about as stressful as last night was for me, and they needed me to work. so, being the wonderful model for humanity that i am, i stayed for two hours to help out. (and i just realised that i didn't log those two hours to get paid.)

also: i finally joined metafilter a little while ago, and i made my first post last night. if you don't know metafilter, you should go check it out.

i can't believe it's 6:04am
i got home from work about a half an hour ago, and i'm in tired city. unfortunately, i'm also a compulsive website/email checker, so here i am. tonight was possibly the most strenuous night i've had at pita boys in a long long time. i ran out of cheeze with an hour and a half left until i could close the doors. that may not sound bad, but at pita boys, at night, when the customers are drunk, it's a HUGE deal. one man threatened to hurt me if i didn't "break out the cheeze, quit fucking hiding it, fucker!" yes, it was a fun night.

interesting news: pita boys will shortly be joining the www, and i have my choice to be included in the site, or not. i haven't decided.

oh yeah, my house was phoneless for about two days, due to old wires that shorted, but thanks to the good people at MTT, we're back in black, just like AC/DC. what was really funny was that tamara was worse than me without the internet. "paaaaauuuuulll.... i'm boooored. i wanna play on the internet! that's all i want to do. it's sooooo much fun, i just wanna go play on the net." (add compulsive phone-checking every hour or so.) sigh... tamara, you rule.