My Site Now Resides At 'neat.dhs.org'.
Posted at 8:14:33 PM

Double The C And Double The S And Then You Have Success.
Posted at 8:11:57 PM

Do We Have Excellence This Time?
Posted at 9:08:00 PM

This Is Another Test.

Until Next Time.
Posted at 10:38:58 PM

This is a test to see if we have excellence.

Until Next Time.
Posted at 9:29:04 PM

See if you can figure this one out from 1999. I sure can't.

[14:43] [Pyro_Phreak] goo
[14:43] *** Pyro_Phreak sets mode: +o L_Eroustouflant
[14:43] *** Pyro_Phreak sets mode: +o chilie
[14:43] [Pyro_Phreak] HOY!
[14:54] [L_Eroustouflant] hey
[14:54] * Pyro_Phreak is startled
[14:54] * Pyro_Phreak is in a celestial surrounding
[14:54] * Pyro_Phreak plongger's
[14:54] [Pyro_Phreak] :D
[14:56] [Pyro_Phreak] 1 g :D
[14:56] * Pyro_Phreak kyotos?
[14:56] * Pyro_Phreak checks for his authenticity
[14:56] [Pyro_Phreak] im clear
[14:57] [Pyro_Phreak] !
[14:57] * Pyro_Phreak takes out his fuse and shuts down
[14:57] [Pyro_Phreak] *BEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW*
[14:57] * Pyro_Phreak talks to his left hand Limey and his right hand Shompy
[14:58] * Pyro_Phreak has blastoids?
[14:58] * Pyro_Phreak is plash!
[14:58] YAY ME!
[14:58] [Pyro_Phreak] Bane, Bane Bond.
[14:59] * Pyro_Phreak smothers himself with kisses
[15:00] [Pyro_Phreak] AWWWW! I LOVE ME!
[15:00] * Pyro_Phreak is hoary!
[15:00] * Pyro_Phreak adds the pourcentage on the hairs of his arm
[15:00] * Pyro_Phreak clears out his nose by opening the valve
[15:00] * Pyro_Phreak has banalities :(
[15:01] * Pyro_Phreak is purile?
[15:01] * Pyro_Phreak runs adjacent to the wall and runs into the wall connecting to the wall he was running adjacent to.
[15:01] [Pyro_Phreak] *YAWN* its too early in the moiling for me.
[15:02] * Pyro_Phreak gets ecclesiastical
[15:02] * Pyro_Phreak eats the pompous growing out of his belly button
[15:02] * Pyro_Phreak looks at the banalities
[15:02] [Pyro_Phreak] Hi, my name is pedantic.
[15:03] * Pyro_Phreak pousser the baby out.
[15:03] * Pyro_Phreak talks to his left eye, Pongy, and his right eye lash #153, Darien
[15:03] * Pyro_Phreak pulls linus out of his arm and throws him to the ferret
[15:03] * Pyro_Phreak sex0rs susie
[15:04] * Pyro_Phreak plashes usak0
[15:04] * Pyro_Phreak looks at the teri-dactyl
[15:04] * Pyro_Phreak runs at usak0 and meeps her
[15:04] * Pyro_Phreak screams goo and falls to the ground in a fit of convulsions
[15:04] * Pyro_Phreak Kwerps heather
[15:04] [L_Eroustouflant] haha pyro
[15:04] [Pyro_Phreak] :D
[15:05] [L_Eroustouflant] omg
[15:05] [L_Eroustouflant] you are so cute
[15:05] [Pyro_Phreak] :D
[15:05] [L_Eroustouflant] pousser the baby out
[15:05] [L_Eroustouflant] LOL
[15:05] [L_Eroustouflant] lol

Until Next Time.
Posted at 8:54:59 PM

Tap your fingers.
Tap your Thumbs.
Tap Tap Tap.
Shake to the beat.

“This isn’t between me”

That was the lesson I had to learn and did eventually acknowledge 2 – 3 years ago. Good Stuff.

Saw Swordfish for the second time. Moulin Rouge is the next flick on my list. For now, I must sleep. Tomorrow brings the cutting of the flesh.

Until Next Time.
Posted at 12:45:53 AM

The Equidae Recaptured.

Darude. Haven’t listened to this in quite some time. CHEW STICK.

I’m sitting here staring at the monitor hoping something will pop into my head. I want to write. The only conclusion I come to is as follows: I fear to do anything at this moment. There isn’t a single thing I want to do. Mayhaps I’ll just nod off into musical bliss as I describe my most recent daydream ... It’s a hockey one!

Stanley Cup Finals. Game 7. I’m the goaltender for the team ahead by one in the closing minute of the last period. I’m in motion towards the back boards in an attempt to stall the puck from careening around the boards. As I touch the puck I catch a glace of the inevitable. An oppenent and teammate collide and momentum carries them into me. We fall to the ground in an intertwined mess, in a mad search for the puck. In a unsuccessful scramble to try and get back to the net, I lose my helmet, catching glove, and stick. The puck squirts out to left of the pile up and I race over to try and cover. I’m not the first there. A member of the opposite team grabs the puck and shoots it out to a teammate at the blue line. Open net. I drive my skates in, Hard, and speed back to the net as he winds up for the slapshot. As I slide across in front of the goal a blistering shot is released towards the far corner, topside. I slide, stretched out in pain, and whip my gloveless hand up towards the corner in a desperate effort to stop the puck. Everything silences for a fraction of a fraction as I watch instinct take charge. The Puck. Time returns. It hits with such force that all bones in my hand are instantly shattered. However, all the tendons are forced to draw tight around as it hits against the palm of my hand. I slide a few feet past the net as I hear an ear-shattering roar from the crowd. I strain my ears for one particular sound, a sound of pure glory. And it comes. The horn to signal the end of the period goes off, barely noticeable over the crowd’s thunder. Everything turns downwards ... slower ... as I raise my shattered hand into the air, my hand clenched uncontrollably tight around the puck, and let out an enormous scream in victory. The scream trails for several seconds as I turn to the right and watch as my teammates jump the bench, sticks and equipment flying every which direction in absolute ecstasy. I bring my hand back down, now reducing to frame by frame, as the sounds begin to waver and silence. The noise of my heart proceeds to raise above all and a slight tingling of pain breaks forth from my hand. I slowly look down as my knees begin to waver and I slouch down, backwards, onto my heels. The sound of my breathing rises to join the sound of my heart as the blood starts to pour over my eyes. Only now do I realize the extent of my injuries as I watch, through a bloody film, my teammates still rushing, in their slow dance, towards me. In the scrum a wild skate blade had sliced open the top of my skull leaving a fleshy mess of hair and blood. It’s journey, interfered by a mass of sticky hair, only now reaches my skin. I blink, as everything turns to black and white, and slowly reopen my eyes as the blood reaches my lips. I taste the hot blood, mixed with sweat and tears, and feel the sensations of the world coming back. All becomes still in a collage of shades and I inhale a deep, raspy breath. In one instantaneous moment the world turn back to colour and I release a blood-curdling scream. As this scream is released from my lungs I look back towards my teammates. Time returns to its regular rate and my comrades are finally, endlessly, sliding into me. I manage to pull a smile onto my face, as I push the puck back into the air, and end my scream into hockey history.

“What for? Unto what ends? Which final wicked way does thou retreat into a hibernated glory? A sad sad state you must be in. By the Heavens! Poor lad.”

I spent the last 45 minutes thinking ‘If only I had the means and the skills to do this’. Scenes rush through my head as I go over the experience of the daydream. As the puck hits the hand, the camera zooms twice and switches instantly to a different angle, all to a shaded background of moving images. The shockwave sent through the skin as you can almost just sense the bones liquefying in its casing. As the drop of blood falls over his eye, while watching from his perspective; cutting from far focus to close for the drop and back out again. Having the shot proceed into the scrum and another zoom trick to the laceration. All motions throughout the sequence blurred beautifully into a shaded, yet arena filled, background. I wish I were a director. God damn, I think I’d be good. What an egotistical hour. Heh.

Until Next Time.
Posted at 9:55:00 PM

This was me at International Submarine Research. My journal at least, which I just dug up:

Journal

Day 1 - Read 3 very thick manuals (tech and operating manual for dolphin sub, safety manual) Went around to each department and wrote up half a page on each.

Day 2 - Finished talking to the departments, helped weigh and find the center of gravity of the mast for the new sub, started working on the Lower Valve Mast Actuator (LVMA). Cut out pieces and started to experiment with mounting the feedback switch.

Day 3 - Finished mounting the feedback switch and started to mount the hydraulic pieces and extra nitrogen container. Left early for appointment.

Day 4 - Hooked up the piping for the hydraulic system and made sure everything was in working order. Rigged the LVMA up to a modified hydraulic pump. Clamped the entire system into place on the desk and tested it out. Made a few minor adjustments: straight bored drilled a new piece of aluminum for a better fit; Cut out thicker aluminum for better support. Testing a success.

Day 5 - Sketched and detailed a schematic of the device, including a complete write up and analysis. Helped a colleague with the lathe.

Day 6 - Went out to Indian Arm on the research vessel. Helped on deck with the launching and prepping of a Tow Fish. Observed testing and calibration of the tow fish.

Day 7 - Began work on a device to test a pair of seals for the new dolphin engine. Gathered parts and pieces and cut out the rough parts to begin with.

Day 8 - Continued work on the device. Work including lathe work, cutting, and drilling.

Day 9 - Completed the lathe work and worked on the finishing touches. Proceeded to attach to the engine and began work on setting up a pulley system on the hydraulic Test Bench in which we would test the seals. Tested the engine and observed and recorded data on the oil level and pressure.

Day 10 - Took apart the Dolphin Keel Winch and removed an electrical cable which had been flooded with water. Tested the Ohm level of each wire to see if any links between two wires existed. Low voltage and high voltage tests done. All observations and procedures copied down in note form.

Day 11 - Test fitted the LVMA in the new dolphin hull, which was just received. Made additional plates to make it fit accordingly in the sub in correct position. Made Adjustments and helped around the shop with measuring and weighing the hull. Center of gravity tests were done as well.

Day 12 - Observed the test launching of a Tethered Submarine.

...

That was a very neat experience, indeed.

My mind is glowing.

Remember a few blogs back when I mentioned my opinion on the apparent fact you can’t forget something intentionally? Well, I was just sitting here now and had the blankest mind I couldn’t imagine. I was typeless!

Until Next Time.
Posted at 10:45:25 PM

Dun (dun)Dun(dun)Dun(dun)Dun(dun)Dun(dun)Dun(dun)Dun(dun)Dun(dun)Dun(dun)Dun(dun) ... Dun.

Badomn. Bedoom. Badomn. Bedoom. Dadomn. Bedoom.

CrackCrackCrackDweetDweetDweetCrackCrackDweetDweetDweetDweetDweet.

The fantastic music of Coil.

I bought the Chronicles of Narnia the other day. In fact, two nights okay. Already I’ve read through The Magician’s Nephew and The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. What fantastic books they are. I needed a break from The Book of Nothing. I needed a break from ‘Salom’s Lot. I needed a break. Just a break. I found it within the books of Narnia. It’s been somewhere in the vicinity of 10 years since I last read The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. I could only recall bits and pieces from the book, which I was highly interested in finding out how correct they were. The brief flashes I did have coincided very well with the actual events in the book; however, the images that were being described I viewed very differently this time around. What a neat feature. I’m very pleased that I have a vivid imagination when I read. Heh, I don’t know what I sounded like there but I sounded like something. A bloody robot or the liking.

BoBo bobo DoDo dodo. Gogodwitedwitedwitedwite.

What the Fak are you doing!

Yes. Today I received a letter stating that I was invited to the Society of Poetry something or other down in Washington, DC. If you don’t know, that’s very fucking far away from me. I am unfortunately not going to have the opportunity to read my poem, Shrew, in front of an audience as I don’t have that kind of money to spend on a 3 day trip. When I read Shrew, for the first time in quite the time, I realized a few things. Even though my poem does not consist of important structure, definite layout, and overzealous word usage, I believe it to be a good poem. While this would not stand up to the poetry of the aforementioned in any contest or general reading I still hold it with high accomplishment and pride. I do this for one reason. Passion. Whether it’s present or not in the physical poem, power and love went into its creation. I believe this particular one was to cheer a saddened Shrew up and it worked quite well. I put my fingers to work and my mind into high gear and wrote a poem in 30 seconds. This poem, apparently, has been picked to be in a poetry book as well as earning me an invitation to a poetry convention. Now, this particular poem may have happened to display some underlying meaning and power, which I believe I put into it, but I hold most my other poems with the same respect and pride. I wrote them with meaning, I wrote them with passion, and I wrote them, quite a few at least, with an exuberant amount of love. For any of you budding poets, like myself, feel strong in what you write and don’t put yourself down just because someone else can use bigger words or confusing pros and metaphors. Sometimes simpler is plain out ... better. This has been a Jeff moment.

Fuckin’ Rights, eh? The Hellraiser Theme.

Every second word in that sentence Microsoft Word has ‘Highlighted’ as being incorrect. In fact, it underlined the second sentence completely as an incomplete sentence.

Rights,

I can not find it within myself to write today,
I can not find it within myself to sit and stay.
I can not find it within myself to hold and grab,
To grab the bloody gryphon and Stab Stab Stab.

Until Next Time.
Posted at 11:30:06 PM

For those of you wondering what poem the invitation was for, it was Shrew ... which is somewhere down in this blog, not yet up on the poetry page. I’ll explain more when I write later.

Until Next Time.
Posted at 9:42:07 PM

The process of restarting one’s life is a long and difficult one. A few things are instantaneous and a few others are going to take some time. I’ve read over some blogs and have thought back to times of the past and have come to the conclusion that my life needs a kick in the ass. There aren’t too many big problems but mainly a googol of little quirks. Nay more. I’d like to set my life off in a grand direction and put these problems behind me. Not to leave them to fester and quarrel, but to rectify and conquer. I believe I can do this.

Heh, I thought I was going to type a bunch!

Until Next Time.
Posted at 12:09:20 PM

There is power amongst Numbers.
There is also naivete amongst the same.
This becomes a dangerous tango.
And it all ends up, bloody lame.

Where does one look when one has nowhere to search.
Nowhere from the face of Naivete.

A simple face amongst the numbers, breaks loose. Breaks free.
This face sees a fading star, one thought to have collapsed from being.
A fading star, with the power of confusion and nobility, shines dim.
Hindered by the faces, of naivete.
One simple face, looks up at the fading star of confusion, and wishes it strong.
One wish to have it shine and overcome the powers of the tango.

A wish to remain silent, forced down by naivete.
This wish: Salvation, power, strength. Hope but not lost to eternity.

Until Next Time.
Posted at 11:28:54 PM

Staring at a fire blaze. Drinking Coca Cola.
Wondering where my life will lead ...
Hoping that it still will lead ...

Staring at the vast black hole. Desperation seen.
Sadness envelopes the golden soul ...
Sadness. Sadness ...

Staring at the lake aside, wondering where it leads.
Sickness wells up deep inside ...
Thoughts that I should bleed ...

Sitting on the rock of stone, thinking into the moon light.
My eyes close tight, through which a tear appears ...
Wondering where my life will lay ... wondering ... wondering ...

Drinking by the fire side, atop this rock of stone.
The tear rolls down my cheek on fire, hissing as it goes ...
Thinking where I should go, where might I smile again ...

Staring at the fire flames, dancing just for me.
The heat blows forth to kill the tear, but still it does remain ...
That tear rolls down, through rolling hillls. Down. Down. Down ...

Crying aside the dancing flames, looking for a soul.
Wondering to whom which he’ll turn, wondering ... wondering ...
There’s nobody left to turn. Nothing ... Nothing.

Staring at the fire flames. Drinking Coca Cola.
Wondering where my life will lead ...
Hoping that it still will lead ...

Until Next Time.

Posted at 2:19:27 AM

Heh ... Heh ... Heh ... Heh ...

What the fuck?

Until Next Time.
Posted at 12:50:23 AM

Do Do Do Do Do.

Sometimes I really hate the way our minds are designed. We are fairly close to improbability when trying to forget something on command. The thought of ‘Forgetting’ leads you to think about the item trying to be forgotten. If this item is a depressing or sad thing it sticks even harder. Well, I shouldn’t say that. I’m sure it’s just a matter of extremes. If I’m about to go skiing tomorrow I’d have a hard time not thinking about it before going to bed (How much sleep will I get? Will it snow? Will I crack my head open and hurt myself for the first time?). The topic lately, however, has been rather depressing but I’m sure a movie here and a movie there will quickly clear my mind of all those thoughts.

Btw, it’s a beautiful day.

I made myself a member at fitness world last Monday. I’ve been 3 times since then and it’s Saturday today. Not bad. Of course, I didn’t work out when I made myself a member, nor did I work out on Survivor night. The hardest part, yet most enjoyable ... yet most hated part of the workout is the first 30 minutes. Intense cardiovascular training on the treadmill. 30 minute good paced jog on the Hill setting. I’m really sweaty after that. Smelly Jeff.

Wizards of the World.

Today Kier and I are going to watch The Mummy Returns at Silvercity (It’s not like it wouldn’t be at Silvercity). Hey, it’s got the Jurassic Park III trailer and the Shrek trailer. We can’t go wrong.

Tickticktick TOCK Tickticktick TOCK.

Until Next Time.
Posted at 11:12:03 AM

I wrote this while at work today. Slowest day in the History of Slow Days.

I sit right here at work today and wish I could just run and play.
Not only can't I run and play but it also rains outside today.
Not only can't I run and play, not only does it rain today, I have to sit and wait and stay.

Compound on top the gloom within, the heavy weight, the pounding sin,
The burning churning pain held in, the day points out towards the dim.

This day drags on, in one relentless way.

The day ends up, all Black and Gray.

Until Next Time.
Posted at 8:31:58 PM

Hug For Sak, Just Because She's Sak.

*Hug*

Until Next Time.
Posted at 9:27:36 PM

Meep!

and still, the toad sped on.

Until Next Time.
Posted at 9:29:07 PM

This is an addition pointed at your friend and mine, Shrew:

[ 23:28:02 ] * Resin materializes quickly once more. This creature has noted the Shrew's innate ability to notice small and insignificant details and is quite impressed. This creature wishes the Shrew to know these 'Notices' do not go 'Unnoticed' in themselves.

Until Next Time.
Posted at 11:29:28 PM

You know, when I look at myself in a mirror I don’t see what I should be seeing. I don’t see myself as attractive, I don’t see myself as non-attractive. I don’t see myself as human, I don’t see myself as Non-human, and I’m sure you get the picture by now. What I see, is what I can only describe as a cartoon character. There is a strong urge to believe that my whole life is a cartoon being watched by outsiders and when I look into a mirror it turns into a narrative. It’s the feeling you get when you are watching a cartoon on TV and the character turns and looks at you. You! The Viewer! It’s rather creepy. Well, when I look into the mirror I look at the viewers and my thoughts are then narrated to the audience. I can't find it in me to fathom myself as a person. It’s rather odd.

You never do it, come and sing my song.

Planescape: Torment has been occupying my time as of late. That’s all you need to know about that.

Living it another way.

Over the past week I’ve led the solitary life. Besides Kier, that is. He’s come over and watched my video game endeavors for well over 20-30 hours now. I know one thing though, it was exactly what I needed and I’m feeling Great.

I‘ll always be here my your side. Don’t leave me waiting to look, please come by.

After completing Flatterland I decided I wanted to delve into the world of mathematics and physics in a similar, dissimilar, sort of way. I bought a book called The Book Of Nothing. Neat, eh? Very detailed and developed, very much like Flatterland. Mayhaps I’ll delve into this particular book tonight. Yes.

Mind the gryphons.

A more complex and in-depth blog is coming, I do promise. As the energy builds the need strengthens. Until Next Time.
Posted at 10:51:00 PM

Well, wasn’t today productive. I sent in my admission for BCIT today (Electrical Engineering Technology: Level 1) for part-time in the Fall. I also put everything together for admission at Douglas College, hopefully for the Summer Semester (German 1). I will most likely be accepting a job at CDIS as a Full-time Audio Technician (Not much different from what I’m doing now except I receive more money). Tomorow I figure I’ll get my ass into an even higher gear and sign up at Fitness World and get this body back into shape. Another accomplishment today: I sent in my application for a Visa Gold card. Yay! Oh, I also bought new rollerblades the other day (I’m not sure if I already mentioned this fact). K2 Flight ALX. Nice Blades. I skated in them for the first time today. Mmm. I missed Rollerblading.

Living it another way.
Don’t stop Don’t stop Don’t stop Movin’ Now.

I put away ‘Salom’s Lot for a while and have started to read (About 2/5 of the way through, actually) Flatterland. It’s a very comical and witty adventure through all the hypothetical dimensions. Now, don’t get me wrong. This book is very complicated and mind twisting, there are already a few concepts which I haven’t been able to wrap my mind around. I will re-read the book in a short time, I’m sure. Anyway, the protagonist is Victoria Line and she is ... well, a Line. She lives in a 2D world and she stumbles upon her uncles journal (Which is shown in all its glory in Flatland, published over a hundred years ago) and ends up summoning a Space Hopper who takes her on journeys through many different dimensions, including the 1 and a quarter dimension. The authors approach to such technical information is fantastic and I’m finding it very difficult to put the book down.

Mayhaps ... Until Next Time.
Posted at 9:02:13 PM

I'd just like to point out the essay was a real event in my life.

And now for something completely different:

Jeff:

I’ve drunken too much. This is pretty amazing that I’m still awake and coherent. Everyone is going to take a chance to type. I’ll turn autotype off. Here we go:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kevin:

Alrite, listen up bitch,I’m on a fucking qwerty keiyboard aright now and I think I’m going to de4lete the mistakes I just made but I’m not going to. Sea lost.. Sean just fucked himself. Jeff munsie is a fucking actually.. he’s a good feriend, who let us drink at his house and theyr’e fucking loud and such.

Alrite, now listen up. We’ve got some definte problems here. Sean is about to type so there you go

I conceded to Jeff Munsie. He has outdrunk me on this night. I shall defeat him another night. (PS... EXCUSE... I HAVE TO WALK HOME SO I DRANK LESS)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

vapes:
stupid bent board!!!
Cant type with this thing, beeing the finger puncher I an
Seems jeffizil wont the drag. Nintendo zapper (C)1985!?!?! Wtf man my lines are bend and shiz.....hahahah jeff hit the cue iff the table and kevizil is oin the ground, a quarrel insues about solids and strips.
Disk change daft punkz!!!!!!!!!!
Colors!@#@$$@@@!!
!!

2123
1

jeffizel ownz3d me#!!!
Hahah kevin hits wrong ball
One morte time, we gonna celebate one more time. BOLD
Its 3 am and kevin sinks da baal
Retro = tired
I hit enter a lot....like glitch, must stop

I’m ABOUT TO DIE FROM THE FUCKING FART SEAN LET OFF. HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT SMELLLS.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO SMELLY

(bold = jeffizel)
/me = hunch back thanx to kevizel
HAHAHAHA jeffizel fallsz over, kevin = win by kevin falling over. No wait thats jeff thats falls over
No wait kevin wins cuz jeff lost

JEFFIZEL:

Celebrate and dance so free.
One more time.

So, I lost the game and fell on the floor. What does that mean?

I’ve drunk at least 20oz of alcohol over the past little while. I’ve fallen on the ground (I’ll admit I didn’t stop the falling process) 2 or 3 times. They get to play the game now. I get to sit and listen to Daft Dunk. They are racking funny. Fuckin’ eh.

Kier says:

Sean is stuck between a cock and a hard place.

Jeff: We’ve all fallen over at least 4 or 5 times. It’s so fucking funny. Whenever we miss a shot we fall on the floor. It’s bloody amazing. I wish a sober person could see the shit we ar doing. At least I’m conveighing this information. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo.
DAFT PUNK.

Jeff: Everyone left. What the fuck? I turn around and nobody is there? The pool cues are sitting against the table and I’m left alone listening to Daft Punk. Where the fuck did everyone go?
Sean Returned!

Sean goes with stripes. Dreams come true!
Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

So fucking owned. Sean missed the fucking balrl. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
vapesa: = the case of the ass fastrz

Jdeff: It;s in my jeep. DVORAK SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! QWERTY SUCKS RATHER!

Jeff: I’ve now druken 20oz. I’m so fucking drunk it’s unbelieveble. I’m eating carrots as I wait. Holy fucking shit.

Do I deny.

As I look into your eyes, do I fucking deny, no I don’t , But I just might cry.

Sean: Jeff, It might be a fucking be a while before you play.
Jeff: I’m now drinking Sean’s beer. I’m so fucking ahead and drunk it’s crazy.

Another way.

Dodododododdodo

This fucking text file is going to be crazy.
Sean: “I’m going to lose by pulling my Balls up!”

Kier: Jeff, I’m losing! (As he adjust his genitals)

Jeff: Never in my life have I been this drunk and yet coherent. 24 oz later of alcohol. We are out of Kalhua and Vodka. We had a 24oz of vodka and half of 24 oz of Kalhua. Holy fucking christ. This is fucking great. Everyone is falling over and the games are taking forever.

Sean: “If Its and Buts were candy and nuts .... something something NUTS”

Kier: Sean, are you wise?
Sean: (Falls Over) MAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh.
It’s so fun!

Sean Farted ...
Jeff: – THE FUCKING FART MACHINE THAT SMELLS LIKE FUCKING ASS. R EALLY. Holy fucking shit it smell really like fucking ass if I can imagine what ass smells like. It must be what smells like. It’s so fucking horrible. I can barely breath. Holy fucking christ.

Kier: I CAN WIN THINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING CHRIST!

Jeff: I’m literally this close to falling over!

Vapes:
/me tries to hit the 8 ball indted of the cue ball

Kier: “Falls agaisnt Jeff”

Jeff: ‘Sean, Fuck you’

Zm. ] ,rb ef e.uagny

Kevin:

Sean can’t fucking type.
He’s a fuckin moron
He’s a total fucking moron

You know, it[s kind of interesting. The thing is mo9st of life is a probability game. The probability that an atom in going to decay at this moment is a completely random event. The fact that jeff will or will not sink a ball is a completely random event.

I’ll go over the schroedingger’s cat theory here if no one knows about it and just to inform you kids here. Now, schroedinger said that if you put a cat in a box and allow for a radioactive decay, the chance of a decay is based on a probabilistic interpretation. The cat is both alive and dead as lnog as we do not look in the box. When we do look in the bosx we determine its state of being. The thing is, if we do not look in the box, the cat is in a state of virtual suspended animation and it just sits there.So basically it’s both alive and dead at the same time. That’s just kind ov awkward to me. Think about it, is thecat actually alive or dead? Well, jeff has just walked u[t to the computer, Hi jeff. Hi jeff, hi jeff hi jeff hi jeff hi jeff.
He’s playng pool, what a joke. Sean has his head on the table. Jeff has just take a shot and missed completely. He’s rubbing his face right now. They’re both drunken bastards. Well, Look at sean right now, he’s bobbing his head. How awkward. ..

Hi there jeff, he’s done his shot right now and he missed like a moron. Sean broke the pool tabble, how fucking great.

Alrite, so the defintion

Alrite, ignreo, thatl Jeff brokethe pool table.
]
Alrite, I want to discuss something that I’ve been meaning to get off my chest. The oinly times I’ve discussed thiis is usually at parties but most people forget so I’m bringing it up as a reminder. Jeff just hit and scratched twice... nevermind he only scratched once and he’s ignoring it because he is jeff.

Anyways.. I flew again last night and it was pretty amazing. I’ve learned that a good way too fly for me is either to concentrate on it at a good level within a dream state or to, within a dr3am state, make the action of a one click downward stroke of the arm. Thisa sets the precedent for flying. It pushes a great deal of energy down and by the conservation of momentum and energy, I lift off the ground. The most amazing flgiht is actually country flight because it’ doesn’t involve the boring aseed country side. I get bored when flying around the countery side. Jeff is trying to distreact me right now. Jeff is owned.,

Alrite, so, I have been able to slip out and into consciousness on will alone. The ability to do so is pretty intersting but the experience itself is the goal. Jeff hasn’t tried yet because he’s been too busy. I say that it is the most amazing experience in the entire world and he should try to experienhce with all his heart.

I will explain exactly how to right now just incase jeff doesn’t know: The most important thing to do is cause complete relaxation of your body. I’ve found that sometimes if you’re excited or have a lot of forg3ign fluids in your body, it takes a much longer time to do so. It’s diffucilt, you have to cause your body to completely relax before you can do anythihng about it. Your body has to literally die out. It’ll feel like hwen your foot is alspep. It will be tingly and numb yet you won’t be able to feel your body. If you stay in this state, your ears should hear a rushing of water, like standing beside a water fall and you should f-all9 in89to a non conscious state. Your mind must stay completely alert then it will invevitably happeyn.

Sean:

Kevin = dumb he cant flies
And vapes = owned he sl33py now
Buttons screen shakes and I dont like it its to sma;;
Get a new one jeffizel!@!!!!
Word is trying to finx my screw ups and ZI dont care
Bed time

{{{xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx[[:::::::::::::::lightsaber:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::>

I think jeff is gonna lose this game, but I night be wrong, jeff comes back. Nope now he is losing again
Jeff has some writing on his keyboard but I dont know what its for, i THINK its for diablo II but I dont know. They are tied now, kevin loses with the cue ball.
Jeff wins!@#%%@-

Until Next Time.
Posted at 2:12:09 PM

You never do it, come and sing my song.

Well, I really don’t feel like writing but I’m going to write this here and stop procrastinating. However, it won’t be lengthy and will be quite to the point.

I got a call from Family services the other day and was told they had found where my birth mother was living. She (For the life of me I can’t remember her name) asked me to state several things about myself which stumped me to all ends. As my thought processes finally kicked in I said I was 5’7”, 142 pounds, red and black hair, and was currently and audio technician looking at schooling in Electrical Engineering come Fall. A couple of days later she phoned me back stating she had made contact with my birth mother and she was pleased to see I had submitted the search. Apparently I have 2 (I was extremely busy with work at the time and I can’t remember what she said, so this could be off) sisters (I think from my birth father) and one brother (From who she is currently with). If I remember correctly the boy is 10, the girls are 8 and 6. Apparently they have all been informed of me as well and would be pleased to meet me someday. So, as shit goes, the family services agent is sending consent forms of the sort and I should be hearing back from her some day soon. From there, who knows.

I’ve put a bit of thought to this whole situation and right now it’s floating all over the place, not really occupying any real space. One day I’m sure it will. Anyway, I’m going to go play some pool for a little while.

Until Next Time.
Posted at 1:53:18 PM

I wrote this for my grade 12 English class. It was read in front of the class a few days later for reasons Unknown.

A Squirrelly Murder

We watched from a couple meters away, the contraption primed and ready. Each intricate part crafted from the wilderness surrounding us. The device’s ingenious design and strong structure though out and planned carefully. The bait, hand picked from many of its kind, laid motionless awaiting its demise. There our structure sat, in the middle of a dry and quiet opening of the trees. A rustle in the bushes calmed us to a stealthy silence. The creature smelled the bait and was cautiously approaching, stopping every foot to smell for danger; it stepped slowly onto the contraption, moving as slow as possible as we watched. We sat and held our breath for what seemed like an eternity as it crept closer to its goal. It stopped and sniffed before taking its last step and reaching for the bait. The creature ever so gingerly picked it up and put it into its mouth. Within a fraction of a microsecond it had sprinted away with the bait, leaving us baffled at the sight we just saw: The trap did not spring.

Steve and I, comrades of the same grade 3 elementary class, were on a camping trip with my parents. Events had progressed slowly and our young minds bored quickly leaving us wondering what to do next. We were discussing playing on the swings when a brown squirrel darted across our field of view. Our minds lit up as we looked at each other and ran to gather twigs and branches. Soon enough we had a collection of all kinds of twigs, branches, leaves, and grass. Everything in the general area was gathered. Our first concoction was a simple structure consisting of a circular rock base, about 6 inches high, with a cross section of twigs across the top. Resting atop the twigs were several leaves covering the entire trap. Sitting in the middle, a simple peanut. We ran from the trap and hid behind some boulders and waited.

We were mad and impatient at the fact the trap did not work the first time. We now decided to add a little ‘twist’ to the new trap: pointed sticks under the leaves. We didn’t just want to capture the squirrel, it had made us very angry; we now wanted to kill the squirrel. Little twigs were gathered and sharpened, using a jackknife, then set into the ground. We looked over the trap and figured that the twigs had been too thick and had simply supported the squirrel as it reached for its food. After a few adjustments of the overlying twigs, we ran away and awaited the return of our prey.

The rustling of a small bush again signaled us to quiet down and watch the trap. The squirrel performed his same maneuvers on his way to our new trap, only moving slightly faster this time around. He climbed up the side of one of the rocks and took rapid sniffs. The squirrel took a step forward onto the unsteady blanket of twigs and was forced to jump back: one of the twigs had cracked, leaving him balancing on his hind legs and one front paw. He backed up and walked around the trap and found a hole between the rocks. He disappeared into our structure and left us in slight awe at what had just unfolded. A few moments passed before the squirrel popped his head up between the leaves, grabbed the peanut, and bounded away into the safety of the bushes. We were not happy campers.

Steve got up and kicked our trap, hurting himself in the process. We had to rethink the whole idea and events that were going to unravel. Our anger had peaked and we were incensed at the intelligent, yet devilish, squirrel. We took a look around to see if there was any other means of making the trap that much more elaborate and brutal. I smelled the smoke of the fire and the idea worked its way out in my head. Steve gathered a fair amount of sizzling coals with a plywood board and set them down in our new circular rock structure. I grabbed the big pot and tilted it on its side, supported by a stick with a thin string leading back to our hiding spot. We covered the rocks quickly with thin twigs and leaves and placed the peanut in the center. Steve and I ran back, rope in hand. We waited impatiently as we knew the twigs would catch fire fairly quickly because of the fiery coals. Our minds cleared as the bush shook once again.

The squirrel bounded from the dense forest and made its way towards our third invention. As he approached the trap he seemed to move slightly quicker and less inhibited then before. The squirrel ran around the rocks looking for a way in; he did not find any entrance. He rose upon one of the rocks and we held our breath once again, fearing he would sense the heat and run away. The squirrel continued towards the peanut. He took his first step onto the unsteady platform and settled his footing cautiously. As he moved to make his next step the branch snapped, signaling me to pull the string. The pot fell and enclosed the trap tightly as we heard the squirrel fall into the red-hot coals. We listened to its chatter and cries for a few moments; then there was nothing. I removed the pot and moved it over a couple feet where Steve was already building another pit. All we needed now, was another squirrel.

05/26/99 Jeff Munsie
"The Nature of Evil"

Until Next Time
Posted at 11:02:10 PM

We lived in Arizona and the skies always had these ... little fluffy clouds.

Today I learned my mini-stereo does not have the capacity to power speakers in the other room. After some bodging with light switches and lengths of wire, I had to debug why my stereo was turning off in the middle of a song (Well, relatively near the beginning). It turns out that I can power the speakers in the other room while a song has it’s frequencies above ~200hz. However, this sucks as almost every song has a kick drum or some other low frequency instrument which immediately cacks the stereo. So, I need to find an amp of some sorts. All this to wake up to CD music instead of the radio. I wish I had an uber radio with stereo outs.

Work Out.

Well, now that I’m shaking from quite the strenuous workout, let’s see if I can type anything.

Grr.

Until Next Time.
Posted at 11:10:22 PM

Bobbin’. Beboppin’. Du Du De Fucking Do!

Pink Floyd – The Wall. A Must Buy.

I currently have The Orb’s Adventure Beyond The Ultraworld – Disc 2 playing through my headphones. It’s a very groovin’ tune. The Orb is one of many which fit into the ‘Probably too weird for friends’ category. Sometimes it looses it’s beat completely and it’s very ... different with the way the music is conformed. I guess this is why these CDs never make it to the Jeep stereo. No big deal, of course. What a shitty first paragraph. Mayhaps I’m not up for this tonight.

...

Until Next Time.
Posted at 10:11:08 PM

What were the skies like when you were young?

Little Fluffy Clouds.

This song has to be one of the greatest song ever made. In my opinion, of course. It’s just so ... happy and moving. I’d be listening to Orbital right now if it wasn’t for the CD currently residing in the Jeep.

Little Fluffy Clouds.

I’ve made another step forward in pre-parenting. Heh, no. Nobody is pregnant. However, I’m going to make it a point to bring up philosophical questions to my offspring. I want them to grow up thinking. Not stuck in a world of images and alternate realities.

They ran on for ever.

Lately I’ve had my mind wrapped around the existence of the universe, which is quite the hopeless endeavor. Every possible explanation I could come up with (God, Big Bang, Holographic Universe ... etc) ended up at the same pile: How did it all begin. Now, this question in itself is the problem. Time. Time is something that isn’t constant and quite frankly a figment of everyone’s imagination. Let’s take for instance a box. A box floating in space (To negate gravity and friction) with a person inside. This person exists inside this box alone. The room is a constant temperature and a constant brightness. If this person grows up in this environment, will he have a concept of time? If one was to explain to him time, it’s a very easy idea to wrap your head around. However, while in that box do things just ... exist? Will his body regulate around a 24 hour schedule? The Suprachiasmatic Nucleus regulates our body on a 24 hour schedule except when in isolation from the outside world, in which it will lapse into a 25 hour schedule. Does it fall into this schedule taking into affect the outside world in the first place? Would our subject fall into this regulation? My guess would be nada. I’m actually not sure what would happen to our subject. How could the body fall into any sort of schedule if it has nothing to base the schedule on in the first place? Time does not exist for the Person in the Box.

We’ve got a beautiful view of the Earth here, it’s absolutely fantastic.

Another thought I’ve been pondering on came from Dragonball Z. Goku traveled into space to train for an upcoming fight and he altered the gravity in the ship itself to 10x then 100x. Now, gravity fluxes of this sort of extreme nature would probably kill a human. My idea first originated when watching 2001: A Space Odyssey. The ship is spinning in space to create artificial gravity. The closer you go the center of the ship, the less gravity there is. If you were to send a subject into a ship of this nature and slowly increased the gravity over a period of a year to 2x the gravity of earth, would the subject be able to survive? If he worked out daily and ran daily, when he came back to Earth would he be incredibly strong from muscle density? Would his stamina be increased due to his heart being forced to pump harder to send blood to the brain? Or would the heart not be able to cope at all and at some point the subject would pass out from decreased blood flow. If this was the case, would extending the period of time for the gravity to reach 2x assist in the process? What age would be the ideal time for a human to attempt such a feat? I also believe this is a very feasible experiment and I wish I could be the subject for such an event. Unfortunately, I don’t believe it will be happening any time soon.

Light Sustained.

I should talk to Kier about the above situations. I’m sure we’d have quite the Starbucks discussion.

Until Next Time.
Posted at 1:50:21 AM

I apologize sincerely for not updating in a very long time. I haven’t been the slightest interested in writing anything for quite some time now. Please bare with me and I’m sure I’ll break out of this stint sometime fairly soon. I thought I’d write tonight, but I need to get some sleep as I haven’t had very many hours in the past few days. Fuck. I’m even typing fluently enough like I should be writing a Blog. Until Next Time.
Posted at 1:43:57 AM

I’m still feeling mighty horrible. Throw in the fact that I’m also feeling emotionally down, it makes for one hell of a ride.
“No Shitting” – Pyro Phreak

Until Next Time.
Posted at 1:25:15 AM

Oh my god. I feel so Fucking sick. What a world, what a world, what a world.
"I was cured all right." – Alex

Until Next Time.
Posted at 2:09:22 AM

Music. Response.

Tonight I listen to The Chemical Brothers.

Be-bop-doo-bop-be-bop!

I was tingled with curiosity today. How many people read this lil’ ol’ Blog of mine and does it really mean anything to them. Not that I’m trying to preach anything of any sort, but mayhaps there are some life lessons to be learned amongst these words of mine.
HA!

The Soda Battle:

In a second. I need Tea.

Tea recieved.

Light Sustained.

The Battle.

Along the outskirts of Port Coquitlam there is a field of daises. Amongst these daises there is a ring of blood. On one side, Coke. On the other, Pepsi. The battle begins. Pepsi slowly waddles its way towards the center of the ring as Coke quietly rises off the ground and floats forwards. Pepsi flings its ‘P’ at its enemy! Coke vanishes and the P blazes through the puff of smoke. A silence befalls the field. Coke reappears! It rematerializes in the same position as Pepsi, instantly gibbing it out of existence. Coke wins!

Back at the beginning.
Sinking, Spinning.

Apologies. I was all set to speak my mind ... but then my mind went blank.
No Problem. Until Next Time.
Posted at 3:04:44 AM

Man will never understand the existance of the universe as he is incapable of comprehending beyond the boundaries of time itself.
- Resin (c. 2001)

Genuine Thanks To Shrew. Until Next Time.
Posted at 3:01:18 AM

Well here then now alrighty fantastic goodness then there now.

I’m sitting in front of a monitor. There is a keyboard in front of the moniter. I am in front of the moniter. Behind the moniter there is a poster. On this poster there is ink. This ink makes up a picture. This picture is in front of me. Behind this picture is wallpaper. This wallpaper is behind the keyboard. In front of the picture is a chair. This chair is in front of the moniter. I am in front of the chair. In front of me is me. As the world curves I curve and I am in front of, behind, and to the sides of myself, 360 degrees on the X and Z axis, 2d modeling style. I exist. I am me. I am 1 score and 15 hours born. Booyah.

I submitted my ‘Shrew’ poem to poetry.com and a few others to another poetry site. I haven’t heard back yet regarding the ‘Shrew’ poem, but I had some feedback on my others. It made me realize how insignificant and silly I really am. I’m glad I write though, and the cap on the Jones bottle said ‘Write a poem’, so I suppose I should write a poem. Here goes:

Gilded beauty, tenacious strength,
Stallions of time, fervent manes.
Magical descendants, literary bliss:
Vigor, Endurance, Splendor, and Awe;
The Equidae recaptured.

I’ve lost all desire to write any more after editing. Until Next Time.
Posted at 11:38:59 PM

I know I should, but I just can't. Until Next Time.
Posted at 10:02:01 PM

I sit with my fingers poised and ready. Ready to deliver their swift attack on the individual keys of the whole unit. I sit with my head cocked to the left and the bass thumbing softly in my ears. I see 2 green lights. One is the cellphone atop my monitor. The other is the charging light on what’s left of my cordless phone. Not only do I seem to be looking pass the monitor, I seem to be looking right through the wall. I’m assuming I look rather frozen in time as I sit in this blank stare. For quite some time. I have been ‘gifted’ with the ability to keep my eyes open for extended periods of time without blinking. Very long periods of time in the blinking world. I’ve had staring contests with myself before in a mirror (It’s very boring in a bathroom), which have lasted upwards of 10 minutes and beyond. I’m not sure if this is a trance or not. I don’t fade out into nothingness but I don’t actively think of anything either. Anyway, I’m sure you know the feeling.

Back to the beginning.

I sit, with my head cocked to the left, staring forwards passed the monitor and onwards. I remain frozen because I’m in conflict. My mind wants to scream details and information through those motionless fingers, wanting, needing, the swift attack to begin. My body, however, does not know what to type. Plain and simple.

Miscommunication is horrible.

I can’t write tonight even though I just realize I’ve written. Pointless drivel. Until Next Time.
Posted at 9:57:30 PM

The Spikes Got Me! Until Next Time.
Posted at 12:53:20 AM

Well, I was just about to head off to bed when the sudden urge came over me to turn up the recently purchased Moby tunes and write a bit in this blog.

GO!

I’m slightly surprised at my ability to stay awake at the moment. For the past 34 hours I had been working at CDIS in Studio-M and Studio-P trying to get things finished off. You must take into consideration a few key factors when putting this into proportion. Quite a large portion of the work being down was with a soldering iron and little pieces of wire, which in turn required a considerable amount of concentration. Now, while staying up and missing a good nights rest is not all that uncommon for myself, or anyone that I know for that matter, it was physically and mentally exhausting to be doing that work for 34 hours straight. No complaining, however, I enjoyed myself considerably and I earned myself a little cash.

GO!

I have decided to save up and buy myself a video camera and knowing myself it will be quite the fancy little gizmo. I received my first cheque in the mail today – $800. On the 28th I’ll be receiving another cheque for close to $600. Now, while I know I can’t save all the money, I have decided to put a rather large amount from each cheque I get towards the camera. I look forward to this.

GO!

The Regulators is turning out to be quite the interesting book. Desperation and The Regulators are related within plots and characters but are two completely different novels. The Regulators was written by the late Richard Bachman and was found in his old scrapbooks wrapped in elastic bands, awaiting delivery to the publisher. His wife gave rights out for the book to be published. Stephen King asked for permission to use the characters and underlying plot to write a side-book to Bachman’s novel. Permission was obviously granted and Desperation became of it. It’s a very odd feeling to read characters doing something in one context and having them do the same thing but in a completely different context in a different story.

Yeaheah.

In the journeys throughout my hard-drive to find Quietus’ Resume, I have stumbled across a letter I wrote while on a short vacation to Toronto. It was to my girlfriend, Dayzed, at the time. Now, however, I think not only is it appropriate but would make her happy and smile to have it posted here. I would like to also point out two more things.

1) Using headphones and appropriate music can leave you in a state of complete Euphoria.
2) I thought reading over it before hand and posting it here would take my emotions for a bit of a ride, but I feel ... peaceful and satisfied knowing that these feelings exist within myself. They’ve been hiding for quite some time.

Take from this what you will, it seemed I felt a whole new level of understanding when I wrote it.

.
.
.

Well here I am, sitting one day in a far Toronto land, wondering if I will ever be able to see my girlfriend again; it seems like I have been away from here forever. I miss her a lot.

This crushing pain of mine
Seeping it's way through my soul
Wandering through my body
Awakening lost senses
Spiriting lost thoughts

I miss you so much babe, I actually am beginning to feel a pain from being away from you for so long. I have a very deep urge to hold you and hug you and lie down with you and snuggle and rub your back and wrap my arms all around you. I plan to do this.

I feel lost
A dizziness of every sense
Things are so different
Colors are dull
Light if lifeless
I am lifeless

I write this because I just can't stand being apart from you and this brings me one position closer to you, being able to communicate to you through the means of my fingers and the passage of time. This may not be a permanent solution, as nothing could, but this is something temporary to bring me back into this world so I don't fade away into the nothingwhere.

I enter my dreams
Music filling the mind
Drifting to the everywhere
Trying to find what I miss
Hope lies only if it's done twice
By the seeker and the sought
No communication

I chose 'Prodigy' to listen to as I type with my heart. I feel it brings out my creativity and life. A shadow compared to what is brought out by you, but it brings out enough to show you what I want. I clear my mind, I close intrusions, I am all alone, free of care and wonder, free of daily life, free of the world. I have chosen incorrectly. Excuse me as I switch my poorly chosen chose.

I sometimes reach
Awake from a dream and reach
I feel what I search is close
It's not in reach
I feel connected nonetheless
I think I've touched that sweet soul

I have switched to 'Orbital'. I feel this better reflects my mood as a whole. Rather calm, relaxed, almost sensual and erotic in a way. My spirits are high and have changed forth in a rage of passion for they long to speak to you. They long to be able to communicate with the spirits of your soul. This is a much better choice of music. Yes. Exquisite.

I awoke from one dream
Emptiness enveloped my body
I cried
Tears wept down my face
There was nobody there
No protection or companionship

God damn mother fucking knock and my mother fucking door. Bastards of hell.

There were no spirits present
I cried in this lonely place
So far away from home
Something was vitally wrong and missing
I will continue my search

This music is definitely a much better choice. How could I have been so Naive. What a silly person you have. Silly, that's quite the vague describing word to dub oneself. I dub myself a silly person. A devoted, loyal, loving, caring, snuggling, tongue waging, hand holding, passion embracing, exotic, happy, and overall silly person. You have quite the being on your hands my'loved one.

Soon Our spirits will collide
You, as the one that is searched
I will connect with you at last
The search will be over
The passion and love will live on
The longing over
The Soul happy
Joy

Wonderful music this is. I almost can't find the words to describe it, but I must try. This particular song embraces my body. It sets every neuron, every atom, every cell alive and on fire. I can't help but dance, if not in just a motionless waltz. The chill runs right from my eyes to the back of my head and downward, what a wonderful feeling. Only a fraction compared. It's only a fraction. Fractions of what I feel when I hold you.

Mamba, see the world
Feel it live it reach it
Love and embrace it
feel me, embrace myself
find your passion and the love
The love of not normal
I speak of the deep love
Not physical nor emotional
The spiritual love
I have begun to discover
Discover with the searched one
I have began to discover this uncharted love
Wonderful new feelings ... if they may be called feelings
A new level

This amazing song. Held me for many minutes and more. I do not want this to end. I am alive for the first time in 5 days. Yet again, only a fraction. But, I am alive. I wish you were here to share this wonderful moment with me, to embrace this song head on. I will play this marvelous music to you, yet ... I don't think you will ever be able to be on the same level with it as I am, just because of human differences. You may come close, and that's an infinite more than I need, but you will never reach the same level. This song is my song. I feel this now. This song, in this mortal word, was created for me. For me. How selfish of a thing to say, but I feel it. It works on every level and every minute detail of myself. What fantastic music. I miss you. It brings me to a point of wanting to get up and run to see if I can get back to you faster. I love you. If you never believed anything I have ever said before, believe what I am saying now during this song of mine (Which in reality are two songs strung together, the first more powerful ... yet the second more wonderful in a passionate way).

I Love You

My journey, my song, has ended. Things are going to sleep. My body falls to rest. I fall away. Now gone until you can resurrect me. On request: Hug me now like you have never hugged me before and Don't let go.

.
.
.

Now, while these emotions are very intimate and personal to me, I am very satisfied to have shared them. Until Next Time.
Posted at 11:37:00 PM

Ding. Dong. Ding. Dong. Ding. Dong. Ding. Dong. Ding.

As I was standing in line at the local Chapters I realized I had slipped into slow mode. This mode for me is very relaxing and quite interesting to experience. Every motion I make and word I say comes out slowed down in a relaxed and euphoric way.

Ding Dong Ding Dong. Ding Dong Ding Ding Ding. Ding Dong Ding Dong.

I was looking at the bookmarks, trying to decided if I wanted to buy a leather bookmark (I passed on this idea as I didn’t like any of the ones featured) and when I turned back around someone had got in line in front of me. I wasn’t bothered by this as it was an accident which he promptly realized. I just smiled and nodded and lifted my hand slowly and pointed towards the counter. He looked at me in a vaguely curious and interested fashion and then approached the counter to buy his book. He also wanted to check how many Online points he had collected, which resulted in him remaining at the counter for quite some time. As they were waddling with there small talk I was slowly bobbing back and forth to no tune at all. A strange feeling came over me and I had the urge to play the drums. I put my book and coffee down, slowly, and proceeded to play the drums, out loud I add, on the two shelves of Compact Discs. Each CD had it’s on sound to it. Most had the generic drum kit sounds, whilst others had sound effects (Kablooie! Pow! Unf! Ding!). I was completely engulfed with what I was doing I didn’t really realize how loud I was really saying these things out loud and how emotional I was playing. After a few minutes of playing the CDs I turned back slowly around and picked up my coffee and book looking like I hadn’t done anything at all. After a few seconds of turning back around with beverage and reading material in hand I heard a small clapping from behind. I gingerly turned my body around, head first followed by the shoulders, mid section, torso, then feet. It was a little boy of about 6 or 7 (I was never good at judging age, he could have been 11 for all I know). He was holding hands with a very pretty mother (I’m assuming it was the mother), who was looking at me with quite the dazed look. The boy had a giant grin on his face and when I finally made eye contact with him he opened his mouth into a wide smile and squeaked ‘KABLOOIE! POW! POW! POW!’ and then proceeded to turn around and fall down. I looked back up at the mother, probably in her mid 30s – No sign of aging at all, and she was still looking at me but this time with a slightly upturned smile. I gave a traditional head nod, not showing any sign of amusement on the outside, and turned back around to find that an old man had taken a place in line in front of me. I didn’t say anything, as I was not in a hurry, and only looked at the Chapter’s clerk who looked a little ruffled that this old man had cut in line. She pointed out to him that I was next and he turned around and gave a look to me with wide open eyes and a genuinely surprised expression. He apologized and started to head to the back of the line and I approached the counter. As I was just about to put my book down he shifted his head in right up to mine and cackled ‘Oh! Don’t mind me! I can’t see shit out of my damned left eye!’. He proceeded to look at me for several moments, neither of us moving or blinking. I didn’t smell any alcohol on his deep breath (I’d like to point out that your senses and memory seem to heighten when taking the time to view the world, as I was doing) and his eyes looked very sharp and alert. A few odd seconds later he huffed at the clerk and walked to the back of the line, past the little boy on the floor who was muttering ‘Pow!’ at random intervals (I think at this point he was shooting space aliens). I finally got the chance to put my book down and did so very awkwardly: I put the left-bottom (Spine side) of the book down, followed by the right-bottom, held it there for a few seconds then teetered it back and forth before setting it down into its temporary position. The clerk, Mary – as the name tag stated, started apologizing and I spoke up with ‘I’d like to purchase this fine literature printed on these dastardly pages of pulp’ (It didn’t occur to me why I said this or if it made any sense at all, however it was said). She stopped in mid-sentence and gave me the look I’d seen several times in my adventure in the Chapter’s lineup. I gave a nod and she rang the book into her computer and stated the price: $10.65. As I was reaching for my money the thought occurred to me that I probably look very suspicious and very odd. I opened my jacket very slowly and took out my money clip, making sure she could see all of my movements. Now, you may think I’m crazy for thinking that other people might think I’m going to rob a Chapter’s book store, but I was in a very different place then what would be described as normal. I unclipped the money from the small knife and proceeded to hand Mary a Twenty, leaving me holding only a Fifty. I felt very odd holding only the fifty to the world for several minutes as she bumbled for change. I did not take a bag. I tried folding the five over the fifty to meet my specifications and then realized I was holding up the lineup. ‘Kablooie!’. I walked down a couple tills and neatly folded my money together, slipped it back into the clip on the tiny knife and placed it back into the inside pocket of my leather jacket. I walked backwards a couple steps and turned the long way around on the heel of my left foot, as to scan the group of people in line. Nobody was looking at me except for an Asian girl who was in the middle of the store on the couch. She had obviously been looking for quite some time as I saw a few other people peering over to try and see what she was looking at. I stared at her for what must have been a good twenty seconds. It was a competition stare and had nothing to do with the way she looked or what she was doing. I stared to protect my space as I was feeling slightly violated and disturbed. I blinked very slowly and did an excruciatingly long about-face and walked out of the store. As I was pulling out of my parking space I had the strangest feeling that Stephanie (A girl I wanted to go out with in grade 12 but was Denied due to taking too long to get my feelings out – Shyness sucks) was sitting in Starbucks alone in one of the comfy chairs, reading a book. This feeling proceeded to intensify as I rolled closer to the coffee shop and when it finally came into view what I saw put the icing on the cake. There she was, in a black vest with a blue sweater underneath, sitting in a comfy chair and reading what looked like a text book. She had her hair tied back with a colorful scrunchy holding it in place. She was very beautiful and peaceful looking. It took everything I had to keep on driving and not enter the Starbucks. ‘It’s for the better’ as Usak0 would probably say.

And now for something completely different:

Ruffled noses, scents of heat,
Tangled sheets, silent moments, tender visions:
The lovers sleep.

I would like to announce that I’m going to own two Huskies when I own a house of my own, a male and a female. The female will be named ‘Oy’ and the male will be named ‘Diablo’. If I had my way I’d name my daughter Diablo, but I’d be shunned by the community and most likely my wife. I am not using the name in reference to Lucifer or anything to do with Satan, but in reference to a word of power and control. A Husky is one of Earth’s most beautiful creatures. A male husky emanates power and stability.

I pause briefly to reflect on what I’m feeling deep down inside and I realize how truly neutral I am feeling at this time. I feel as if I could delve into any aspect of any discussion or thought and have a clear head about it.

I greatly miss having arguments, real arguments (One with structure, respect, and control), and find myself using some of my precious wishes hoping that this quality will be instilled on my future mate. As I grow older and open up various corners of my mind to keep perspectives open I find an emptiness which needs to be filled. I need to have discussions. Usually this is only cured when talking with Kier and sometimes Peter and I find it hard to find any relief elsewhere. I know several other comrades who try and whether it’s me or whether it’s them, it always stops short with my opponent in frustration. Otherwise, my other friends make nary an attempt to have an in-depth discussion with me. I will not deny that I rarely start one of the conversations. I feel very isolated and afraid to attempt one as I’m usually left in despair and frustration due to things going astray. As I take a quick look at IRC, I realize there is another who naturally falls into discussions with me. Aftermath. It seems, as little as we do see each other, we always find a way to have at least a small discussion of even the most insignificant issue and I greatly respect his views as he’s open to change. He puts out and open mind during our talks and is willing to admit if he happens to be wrong or is willing to try and make an educated person out of himself, subconsciously or not, by listening and pondering over what I say. I am in no way going to state I am an advanced arguer, as I’m not. I catch myself falling into the heated discussion sometimes, sitting on the verge of waiting to speak instead of listening. This has changed since I have read ‘The Queen of the Damned’ and ‘The Tale of the Bodythief’ by Anne Rice. Lestat and David have very educated and open discussions and take a look at each others opinions and it’s remarkable. I fall in love with the way these two characters interact with each other and find myself using even more wishes before I fall asleep or see those shooting stars (/h!).

The history of /h: When camping in May of ’98 we were laying in an open field with the stars out in full bloom. Celia had her head on my stomach and we were watching a wild display of shooting stars (We were in the right place at the right time)

I’d like to point out this takes a spot in my top 5 list of my all time favorite moments in life. I won’t go into further detail of this spectacular event in which I met one of the most influential people in my life (Yes you, Celia). This story has been told too often (maybe 4 or 5 times since, but I like to save the story telling for special nights and I seem to recall that I mayhaps wrote about it in an earlier blog. The most incredible writing of this story was written in my Grade 12 daily planner which was burned in The Turning, as I like to call it, of ’99).

Back to our original tale:

We came to realize when we tried to wish upon these burning pieces of material that we weren’t even close to getting our wish off before they disappeared. Now, being a geek and an avid Quake player (At the time), I brought up the idea of binding our wish to a letter (It ended up being stated as ‘Slash (your letter)’ just because we are geeks. So, everyone chose a letter and bound their respective wishes to it. So, whenever a shooting star passed overhead we only had to state our letter. Mine, obviously, was /h. This wish ended up coming true, amazingly. I can not tell you what this wish was as I have bound other wishes to /h and I’m afraid it might negate all the wishes, and yes, somehow negate something that has already happened.

Resin points to the left:

One day I hope to have intelligent grandkids who will be able to outdo me. My own kids won’t be able to as I have too much competition in me to let them! I figure by the time I have grandkids it will be time to pass down my wisdom and the great feeling that one can only get from outsmarting your granddad. Of course, if I’m still sane, maybe I’ll just cheat a little and act a little more naive then I would be.

Resin points to the right:

I’d like to talk a little about the feelings I had when I was driving back from my experiences with Chapters and Starbucks. I had some very strong primal feelings in which I felt the need to kill an animal with a knife. As weird as it may sound, it was quite the strong feeling. Mayhaps inspired by Survivor. I’d love to get the chance to have a one on one with a boar and take it down with just a hunting knife. I figure I’d chase it down or corner it and make one final committed leap and try and force it open and plunge the knife into it’s heart. Of course, these chances don’t come around every day.

Switch!

I’d love the chance to be on survivor, but I know I’d get kicked off in no time. I’d go into ‘Freaky’ mode and start being by myself a lot. I’d help do everything to all ends and probably take on more work then others, but when it got down to leisure time I’d probably scare a few people. For instance, the pig killing. If I was him, I would have lunged at the pig and wrestled with it, gutting it right there. Primal instincts. I’d definitely do the blood on the face. I’d probably take some part of it’s carcass and make a necklace as well for a prize. On my own time I’d spend it hidden amongst, or up, the trees. Just watching and listening. I’d freak everyone out and be kicked off in no time. It would be great! Of course, if I went for the money, which I wouldn’t (As crazy as that may sound) I’d put on my thinking cap and I’m pretty sure I’d advance far down the line. I know if I was chosen I’d make quite the scene and make a few people very nervous. I think I’d also play little tricks amongst the other tribe as well. Create noises in the night, rearrange things when they are gone. Fun little tricks to keep myself amused. I’d love everything because I also have a camera side to me and I like being filmed. Of course, I’d try and elude the camera crew as much as possible and keep them, and the viewers, guessing at what I’d do next. I’m sure I’d become quite the attraction in the whole scheme of things. Of course I’d have to contend with people looking at me like I’m a lunatic.

You know, this is one thing I really worry about. What I write here, and I still do hold a little bit of very private information back for obvious reasons, is a very dark side of me. I worry that a future mate of mine might come across this website early on in the relationship and become somewhat scared. Especially with the knife experiment (Honestly people, that’s all it was. Get over it). Now, I do believe that most people feel these ways, just as I do, but most will not express these feelings in a public forum. For instance, I’d love to know what it’s like to kill a human being (In reality, I’m most likely to never get the chance), but this tale is for another day. Topics like this scare people. They overlook there own dark feelings and inner self and let morality take over and instantly shun the thought. This makes me very upset. I wanted to write angry there, but I don’t think it was the right word. I pondered over that choice for several seconds. Anyway, I think there are too many close-minded individuals out there that need to get a grip on reality. People feel these things and you are going to be very hard pressed to convince me otherwise. I’m not some crazy anomaly in the scheme of life. Gay-bashers are the worst, in my mind. I won’t go into that either. I have friends who are interested in some very ‘Taboo’ subjects, but that doesn’t change my view on who they really are to me. If they like inserting coffee cups in there ass while watching Springer, that’s there own choice and personal time. Now, I know most of my friends would say the same thing, but I don’t know if I truly believe most of them. How can you not get affected by knowing something like that? Well you can avoid getting affected and I think it only takes realizing your own abnormalities. Of course there are a few taboo subjects that you can not help but be affected by: Pedophilia, Snuff, Murderers, etc. Human nature will not let me just think once about letting my kids stay at a friends house who likes to watch child pornography. Now, it is there right, in my opinion, to be able to view these acts all they want and they could very well never even dream of doing it themselves (I know this seems an impossibility, but I think it’s possible) but I would still be very hesitant about letting them take guidance of my own children, or any children for that matter. I will not condemn them, however, for viewing child pornography. They will be the same person to me ...

Side note: Yes I know this as I used to know a person convicted of possession of child pornography. I don’t know the details but he had to go door to door in our neighborhood and I listened in when my parents answered the door. I was old enough at the time to know what was happening and to not let innocence kick and just forget about it. He was a good person and got to know him over time, he was very involved with the community and came to community events and gatherings. He had a wife and 2 kids and from all I could tell they were very happy. I think this man helped me open my mind up to the reality of some of these situations. I don’t think he’d harm a single hair on his children’s head, or any other child for that matter.

... and could very well be my best friend. Hey, it’s been said so many times with so many different meanings it doesn’t even sink in anymore: Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. In this case the cover was a pedophile, but his pages were of a very nice husband and dad. Of course, think twice before pointing out to me that if I found out today that he had raped his son I would be wrong with my thinking. Nothing would change with the way I view the situation. One rotten apple does not constitute switching over to oranges. I can’t condemn a horde of people because of one man. Never. I don’t want to ever come to the point when I judge the situation based on other people completely unrelated to the situation. ‘No two people are the same’.

To continue on a slightly different train of though:

I’ve been in situations many times where I’ve been judge upon instantly. Welcome to the world of coloured Hair. The general population act completely different around me when I have an odd color of hair on my head. When I was a bumble bee (Yellow on the sides and a stripe down the middle, with black stripes in-between) everyone tended to walk around me, or even stray farther away to avoid having to pass me on the street. A few people loved it, and when I went purple and red, of the same style, and went down to California I was getting comments from all over the place. Apparently when we were in Disneyland a group of girls called out that they loved my hair and I didn’t hear them and they got all huffy and puffy, thinking they were being ignored. I think one of the most satisfying comments came from a ride attendant as she was locking our safety bar down ‘Wow, you have the best hair that I’ve ever seen’ ... there was another comment from another attendant, which was caught on tape and I can’t remember at this time. Anyway, even though I didn’t really show it, I loved the attention, heh. I like being noticed and commented upon. Disneyland was quite the experience with coloured hair. Little kids and there inhibitions to comment very loudly to their parents. ‘Look mom! Look at his hair!’ and comments of the sort. I loved it, it made the day very exciting. I love making kids smile and laugh.

Side note: When I was in Sabrina’s class (When she was helping in grade 1 or 2) I decided to give the kids some fun while the teacher was out of the room. I was playing with some blocks with some of the kids when I noticed I was being looked at by a group of girls on the other side of the room. I was crouching down with my butt on my heels at the time, so I leaped in the air and turned 180 and landed back down looking right at them. I did a barrel roll to my right and peeked out from behind the desk. This got Everyone’s attention. As quickly as it began, I started to bounce around like a frog, from desk to desk and behind chairs and other objects. Let me tell you, children of this age have an On/Off hyper switch. The room was full of bouncing kids within 20 seconds of hoping around. As the room quickly turned into mass mayhem, the teacher came back in and attempted to settle everyone down. They were all huffing and puffing and laughing and giggling, looking at me to see what I’d do next. So I got up and sat on the chair and made faces at them while the teacher was calming down a different group of kids. Well, eventually everyone started to settle down when I pitched in to settle everyone down and stopped my act. I was told a few moments later that this was ‘inappropriate’ behavior for the classroom. I was an instant hit! Later Sabrina and I participated in the group games and it was great fun. I know my wife will have a fit whenever I get the urge to get our kids riled up.

And now for something completely different:

Blissful chill, bubbling wonder,
Satisfaction, content, tickling mayhem:
Coke.

And now for some free writing:

I wonder about the stars, I wonder about the sky,
I wonder about the wind, the wind through which I fly.

I dream about war, I dream about passion
I dream of unholy wonders, I dream without ration.
To fly amongst the wind, to dream about the wonders,
I relish within the imagination, I err within blunders.
Damn the Gryphons! Damn those Gnomes!
Damn the Blood! Splat on the stones.

I wonder about the stars, I wonder about the sky,
I wonder about the wind, the wind in which I’ll die.

I read an interesting statement tonight when I was looking for the name of the book I had just bought (That’s how interesting the night has been, I completely forgot what I purchased). Stephen King had made a statement saying he would probably start work on The Dark Tower V in January 2001 ... Now, if you haven’t noticed, it’s February! Stephen could every well be writing the 5th installment of the best series I have ever read! This makes me very excited and sad at the same time. Obviously excited because he is writing the book, I thought it would be several years before he got around to writing it (Although he wrote the last installment 8 years ago). And obviously I’m sad because I don’t get to read the book until probably sometime next year. For now, I’ll just read The Regulators, a book directly aside Desperation. I very much enjoyed Desperation (Plug!) and I’d suggest this book to anyone looking for a quizzical and ‘horrific’ book. I guarantee for the average reader you’ll put the book down in some fear or disgust of the vivid visualization the book provides. Meheh!

Well my friends, I do feel as if I could type the night away, despite the pain in my fingers and the numbing of the brain. It’s been 2 hours, surprisingly not a long time. I figured I had been at this for quite the extended period. I will return soon to write another installment, I can feel the itch as present as it has ever been. I apologize again for taking so long to update my blog. If you enjoy reading this, I don’t really look at this blog as a journal, but more of a creative writing pallet, then please express your opinions: welfare@home.com. I never hear from anyone about anything. Feedback is always a good thing. Even if it’s constructive negativity. Mind the Gnomes. Until Next Time.
Posted at 12:05:45 AM

Where O’ Where Have I Been. Lost, Still, For Tonight. Until Next Time.
Posted at 8:14:13 PM

Written: Last Night.

The power of Revelation and the emptiness of being alone.

Days past. Nights drift on by. Some of those nights are spent in utter despair. A Revelation. The revelation of being alone. You seek refuge, and the ship sails by. Stranded. No one to hold you. No one to hug you. No salvation. Emptiness. Darkness. Despair. Alone. The blood thickens, the heart slows. The body sinks deeper within. Until Next Time.
Posted at 6:23:14 PM

Hannibal. *Crunch*

I watched Hannibal today at Noon and have been in a ... philosophical mood ever since. I’d write something but words elude me. Maybe later tonight. Until Next Time.
Posted at 6:52:07 PM

I have, in no way shape or form, the capacity to type any new blog. Today I worked for 14 hours and yesterday I worked for 12. Tomorrow I will be working for another 14. It’s time to sleep and the weird cop calls from the bedroom. I apologize sincerely. Until Next Time.
Posted at 11:14:16 PM

Quiet. Peace. Retro.

The heartbeat. The hiss. Retro.

The ticking. The heartbeat. The money. The voices.

The laughing. The silence. Is broken.

Again I sit and listen here and now to Pink Floyd: The Dark Side Of The Moon. For a few moments I listen. I listen and crave. I crave to be taken away. Into the music. To be lost within the timbres. To be lost within the sounds. Breath. Breath in the air.

I notice that I rarely fully enjoy watching movies with other people. I find myself distracted. Untimely remarks, unwanted washroom breaks, funny gurgling noises. Of course, I don’t fully enjoy watching a movie by myself either. With one other I find myself completely immersed and full of joy and happiness. Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t write these blogs to complain that I’m lonely or that I’m sad or anything of the sort. Well, that’s not entirely true. Several times over the course of these entries I have made several remarks, but these are not my feelings for most of these journeys. I already see that this entry is not going to have any linearity or flow to it. For this I apologize. I write these blogs and I write my poems not from how I feel at the time, but from how I live. I do write with energy. I write relatively sad poems and entries even when I’m at the pinnacle of joy. The wonders of wonders.

The clocks.
The Fucking clocks.

I am a warrior. I face the enemy. He lies ahead. Ahead. Waiting. Waiting for me. I can sense the beating of his heart, even here. Even now. Showdown. The voices. We’re being watched. Entertainment. The beating. The waiting. Begone.

The voices.

Someone laying between my legs with their back against my chest, under a comforter of comfort. Bliss. Amazing Joy. Watching a movie. Ecstasy. By the fire. Indescribable.

Fucking Gryphons.

How do I defeat this unknown enemy of mine. Who is this enemy? Why is this an enemy? Why am I here? Where are the voices. So quiet. The beating. The presence of the Heart. Darkness. I walk forwards towards the Heartbeat. Towards. Towards the pull. For the first time since I have arrived ... How did I get here? ... I realize I’m naked. I’m naked? The heartbeat. Onward.

Interlude.

Death. It could reach out and grab us at any point in our dear lives but we shove this out of the way for, again, sanity. I sometimes realize and put to thought that we could die at any moment in our lives and yet we speak with such certainty about the future. Now of course I realize we’d all look like fools if we walked around saying “I’ll see you tomorrow, if I don’t suddenly fall dead before then”. That’s idiotic. However, it holds truth. On more than a couple occasions, to keep myself entertained, I’ve found myself betting fantasy cash that I’d make it the last couple turns home safely. Of course I’m betting millions or even billions of dollars. Wouldn’t that be great if I could lay a bet of the sorts and when I did make it home safely, as I always have, the money would be awaiting. Ha! The joy of dreams.

We sleep. We dream. We wake. We piss. We eat. We defecate and piss. We sleep. We Dream. Repeat. Reuse. And re-Fucking-cycle.

I approach and catch a sense of something. Of an object up ahead. A large object. (Gynormous). As I waddle onward I see something approaching. A shape. It’s human. I continue. Fear. Sweat. Turn back. Run. Run. Rundiddlyun. I can’t. It’s me.

Pointless rhymes.
Writin many a times.
Words of remorse,
Stupid of course.
I saw the sign.

What a riot. Laugh. Until Next Time.
Posted at 12:43:44 AM

Oh, one more thing I’d like to add. I finished ‘The Tale Of The Body Thief’. Lestat and his journeys will be put away temporarily as I delve into Stephen King’s ‘Desperation’. It’s quite the lengthy book and I’m sure I’ll mention something about it in future blogs. That reminds me of something. Until Next Time.
Posted at 2:28:48 AM

Before I begin, I’d like to point out I made a few changes on the Comrades page. A few errors on my part. Thank you for your cooperation.

I listen to Pink Floyd: The Dark Side Of The Moon. I remember when I watched a movie called The Dark Side Of The Moon. It was about a robot then went a little insane and wanted to kill everyone on the ship. Unfortunately, I don’t remember it well enough to iterate past that.

Light Sustained.

I’ve noticed lately it is becoming harder and harder to have an intellectual conversation with someone without stubbornness or without a closed mind. There are only a few people that I know of that I am able to successfully do this with. It’s rather unfortunate as it sets myself in a bad mood if I get into one of these conversations, as I’m still not completely sure how to successfully extract myself. If I’m ever doing this, please tell me. As far as I know, I’m a fairly decent person to have a discussion with (Mayhaps not the people I’m referring to, in which they would see me as being the silly one).

Begone with thee.

I’ve been working at the Center For Digital Imaging And Sound building the new post-production studio. Today I sat in solder fumes for many hours as I connected Patch Bay connections and TSR connections to the various snakes. I also ran some cable lengths through the tubing in the walls and other various tasks. Holy Shit. Solder fumes are horrible. You do get a sense of lightness and easiness after a few hours of work and time just flicks by in an instance.

THE CLOCKS.
THE CLOCKS.
Tick fucking tock.
THE CLOCKS.

Oh, I can feel the tingling from within my brain suggesting a rather large Blog update will be coming soon. Not tonight, however. I have some movies to view. I watched The Beach a few hours ago. Completely not what I expected and was rather enjoyable.

Fucking Gnomes.

I sit and wonder if I should depart this lovely music. Definitely this choice of music when I do run into the night of Blogging. Until Next Time.
Posted at 2:24:16 AM

Lies. Lies. Lies. All of it lies. I’m very fucking lonely right now. Until Next Time.
Posted at 12:53:43 AM

Revelation. Smile renewed. Fancy.

I watched X-men (For the second time) and Platoon tonight. The X-men viewing was broken up which didn’t allow me to submerse myself as much as I usually like to, but I still enjoyed it. Except when they are in the Statue of Liberty and are being held up by metal straps, the damn straps kept moving when they breathed. Bah. Platoon was another movie with another view on the Vietnam War. Still, a very excellent movie. Das Boot will be my next movie to rent, whenever my subwoofer gets fixed. I sit here now listening to Oakenfold – Traceport. I’m not sure what I’m thinking or where I want to go. The world seems to be escaping me. Here today, gone tomorrow, as one might say. I feel very philosophical, if one can feel that way, but without a purpose. I have nothing to dream. Retro ... Water. Babble Time:

Realm of light. The cameras. Motion. Record. Fuck. Blast away into the infinity of the Realm of light. Fakoff says the gnome. Fakoff? Fuck you. Harumph says the gnome. Begone with yee. I kick the gnome in the ass. What What WHAT! Fakoff already! Smirk. Gnome Soccer. POP! Off goes the gnome’s head. Oh Salashoes, look what you’ve done now. Blood. Fucking arteries squirting blood all over me. Squirt Squirt. I kick the gnome in the ass again. Across the room. Squish. Blood. Shrug. What a mess. Fakoff I SAID! The head. Ooh, Gnome Soccer again! Pop! Out fly the eyes and some gooey entrails. Mah. The Realm of light stinks. Begone indeed. Bah.

Realm of flight. The wind. The air. The thiness. I’m fuckin' falling. Shit. Well isn’t this the shit of the shit. AWK! What thee fucks do thy want you piece of shit. Mother Fuck. A fucking gryphon. Begone with Yee! Eheheheh, Pin the tail on the gryphon! Squish Squish as the knife enters its ass. What What WHAT! FAKOFF! Meh. The blood. The fucking blood again. Squirt. Meheh! More! Squish Squish. Fakoff! You mindless mumblenut. Gryphon Massacre! Squish squish squish thud thud. Fucking bones. Oh shit, I’m falling still. Splat. The Realm of flight sucks. Bah.

Realm of Darkness. The dark. It’s dark. Fucking. Dark. The Realm of Darkness Sucks. Fucking Begone indeed. Bah.

Realm of the Virgins. Meheheheheahhhahahehaheheahhhehahehehahehahe. What more do I have to say. UnF. The Realm of Virgins does not suck. Excellent.

Here I sit for the next couple of days, waiting for first contact with information regarding my job status at CDIS. I’ll be putting together the Post-Production Studio over the next couple of weeks, but I’m unsure when I start. I’m putting the shit to the shit and being the best shit that shit can be. I better impress someone and jumpstart something. Lestat is beckoning me. He calls. From within another body he still calls! Remarkable. Until Next Time.
Posted at 1:02:33 AM

The webpage has finally been updated. The Comrades section has been updated and a Childhood and Sleep Log section have been added. I am so tired. Until Next Time.
Posted at 1:54:16 AM

Blasting through stagnant air I reach the world of the unknown and babble and babble and babble. I never make sense :).

I am continually working on an update for my webpage and I will get in uploaded eventually. I have several more pages of stories to copy, which has been taking most of my time. Today is my last day at CDIS. My last class. Until Next Time.
Posted at 3:53:39 PM

I sit right now in disarray,
Just waiting for the brand new day.
The fresh crisp smell,
The bright blue sky,
To take away my clouds of gray.

I said yesterday I was going to post the poem I wrote and I will do so now:

On a cold sunny day, there once was a shrew.
She ran and bewaddled, without the faintest of clue.
She dashed through the daisies, she pranced through the roses.
She found her true love and there they rubbed noses.
They laughed and they tumbled, they tripped and they stumbled.
They scuffled, demuffled, reruffled and bumbled.
Ahh, These fine furry creatures were having a ball,
And then came the rain and ended it all.

For you see, when your fur gets all wet,
You’ll get soaked, you’ll get damp, and you’ll get upset!
Why do you ask? Why upset when you’re drenched?
Because your fur will get knotted and you'll make quite the stench.
So they ran to her home, they ran straight and fast.
As fast as they could, just a blur in the grass.
And there they did snuggle, by the fire and light.
And there they rubbed noses, and drifted off through the night.

This is an edited version as I was not happy pasting the original. This one actually makes sense with the rhyme scheme and overall flow. I am, however, still very happy with the original as it was done on the fly.

Light Sustained.

I’ve been in a writing mood lately and I feel as if I should attempt to write some more poetry. I do receive positive feedback from friends and family, but I’m not sure of the actual quality of the writing. If you are an outside visitor, I’d greatly appreciate it if you could give me some feedback. I always like hearing from new people. On another note, I completed my Comrades page and am currently renovating a couple of the other pages. I am also going to include a ‘Childhood’ page where stories and letters I wrote, when I was attending the younger grades, will be posted. I have a fair bit of writing to do, but I’m sure I’ll have the WebPages updated by the end of next week, to my satisfaction. I plan to do one big dump of new material. So, keep your eyes open. I’m like to attempt a longer poem like ‘Fear’ again ... but that poem was written in all of 20 minutes and was one of those miracle poems. You don’t think about what you’re writing. You don’t even know what you’re writing until you’re almost complete and everything suddenly seems to make sense. Subconscious thought is a wonderful think, if I might add.

The Dark Tower arises through the mist and the steam, arises straight out and grand. Without a sound this eternal structure shudders with beauty and power. Power. Roses. The fields are gone. The hills the trees the land. Gone. Darkness remains. The Tower remains. Focused intensity. Almost melodic in a perverse sense. Engulfed. Black.

Light Sustained.

Stagnant writing. Until Next Time.
Posted at 5:37:32 AM

Life deals some unnecessary blows some days. Today I feel like I’ve been through exactly that. Fun. Mass confusion added with untimely grumping on my part, leaves a few things in drag. I am a very lonely human being at this exact moment in time and it seems like everything is in slow motion. My fingers are moving slow, my eyes are tracing my words with a bit of lag, and my whole body feels sluggish. I think I’d be the happiest man alive if someone would be at least sitting in the same room as I am now. They wouldn’t have to be doing anything, just sitting. I do not like these times when I feel scared and alone. I get very apprehensive and anxious. I sit, as I always do, and try to figure out how to rectify these feelings. I don’t have an answer besides someone being here for me and giving his or her full attention. This is on a rather selfish note, but it has been a very long time since I’ve been pampered for a day. When I’ve had everything at my disposal. I receive great joy when I’m able to bring happiness and smiles into someone else’s life for a day and I try to do it all the time. I’d like a massage. I’d like to have someone hold me. I’d like to talk to someone. I’d like to daydream with someone. Just one day. Dreams.

The fields shine brilliantly tonight. Not of beautiful red, but of striking Black. The moonlight shines true. The field shimmers. The power. The Control. The roses.

I have been uninspired recently and have been unable to write any blog updates. I do not forget, nor do I delay. I feel I should only write these when I have the power within to write them. Otherwise, it wastes away. I’d like to post now a poem of sorts that I wrote in an IRC window when talking to Shrew. It was an inspired moment and I just so happened to be talking to her. It seems that somehow IRC logging had been switched off for the past couple days, so I don’t have the poem. I’ll get it off Shrew tomorrow and paste it in my next blog for everyone.

Just one day.

I should go to bed. I’m feeling emotionally horrible and I don’t care about being this way at the moment, so I can’t fix it. The day started off so well, too. Sometimes when playing soccer you slide and get some grass stains. Other times you slide and get shit all over yourself. Until Next Time.
Posted at 4:57:22 AM

Help us, save us, take us away. The gates of hell are open for you.

I’ve been busy. Busy with contemplation. I haven’t had the will to update this blog. It would not have the inspiration needed to remain at standards. I’m not even sure if I’m ready right now. I’ve haven’t been writing in this particular blog for about 20 minutes now and I don’t feel at all ready to type.

On our way to the fields of black and the tower of darkness, beware of Kansas. Until Next Time.
Posted at 1:33:30 AM

As I sit I feel pushed away from reality and into a world of sadness. I do not know why I get pushed to this desolate land. I do not know why I am here. I do not know why I am so affected by this place. I do not know. I don’t. Slippin’ Away. Light Sustained. The feared nights creep and ravish at unexpected times. I keep slippin’. I’m not sure how to handle these situations. Do I write. Do I sleep. Do I fight it?

Myself keeps slippin’ away

Away I go to a place of black, a place of fear, a place of horror. No eyes. No mouth. Only the unforgiving sounds. The relentless smell. The wretched touch. I try to save myself, but how. Where to run, where to go. Only black to see, only silence to scream. Oh woah. I walk. Forward I go, seeking my way out. Empty. Sad. Silence. Suppression.

Walk the line, touch your nose. Letters reversed, the pig too close.

Let me tell you of a world of mine. An empty world. Flat and far. Smooth and plain. And a tricycle.

I sit here and again run across the problems which I had before. I have no questions and I have no desires at this exact moment in time. Writer’s Block one would say. Fuck that noise. I’m not sure why I keep writing or what I hope to accomplish. Mayhaps it’s one of those ideas or inspirations that appear as if out of nowhere. Now of course these things just don’t ‘appear’. You’re brain decides to do something and a particular pattern that the universe has taken lets you remember something, which at that moment seems of extreme importance. Ha. Another day. To continue. One of us. The Wretched.

You put your left hand in, you put your left hand out, you put your left hand in and it gets chopped off. Oops.
You put your right hand in, you put your right hand out, you put your right hand in and it get chopped off. Oops.
You put your left foot in, you put your left foot out, you put your left foot in and it gets chopped off. Oops
You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out, you put your right foot in and it gets chopped off. Oops.
You’re now a bloody cripple, you Idiot.

This is what it feels like. Solstice of Nature.

I have just pushed some limits that I never thought I could push. I didn’t push them very far (For safety reasons) but I pushed them far enough to learn something about myself. Please note, the following is not very pleasant and bunny happy:

Starfuckers.

As I was listening to NIN and typing the above blog I came upon the realization that it was time. I paused the music and took of my headphones and took out my knife. It was time to see how much willpower I really had. At first I rolled up my sleeve but decided against there, as I remembered about the gym tomorrow. I rolled that back down and rolled up my pant leg. I perched my foot upon my computer case and opened up the knife with the soothing ‘Click’. However, this time it wasn’t so soothing. I started breathing deeply and started to gather my thoughts and brought the knife down towards the skin. My first attempt really didn’t do anything. I just made a little indent with the point of the knife. I decided to slice a little instead of break the skin then drag. As I held the blade there I decided that I’d do it fast and get it over with. When I finally did pull the knife along, it wasn’t tight enough against the skin and only cut through a couple layers of skin, this really didn’t hurt. I decided to go for the gusto and not just slice my skin open. I started with the point again and pushed it into my skin until I thought I had broken the surface and then pulled the knife along for half an inch or so. It wasn’t deep enough to draw blood. I sat there for a bit in disappointment and confusion. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to continue or not and I was really nervous. The last cut had hurt, even though it didn’t break the skin all the way. I finally decided that I wasn’t going to back out. I put the knife tip against the skin and began to push. I was pretty focused on what I was doing at this point, put the pain was very noticeable. Nothing else in the world could have disturbed me at this point, but how I wish it did. Slipping and cutting myself would have been so much easier. I slowly (I decided against anything fast as I wouldn’t prove anything to myself) pushed the knife further in and twisted it around a little until I saw some blood come out around the knife. Now the fun part. I took a deep breath, let it out, and then began to drag the knife, cutting directly through all layers of skin. I made a laceration about an inch long, but it was a very slow cut. After I had finished, the cut was bleeding right across, not a lot, but it was bleeding. I took another deep breath and went back through the cut with the knife plus a little more pressure. At this point I wasn’t aware of anything besides the pain and moving the knife. The sensation feels like ... well, just like those operation shows. When the doctor makes the incision he spreads the skin a little and when he cuts through it folds back. Plus the sound it made. I completely did not expect to hear a sound. It sounded like ripping cloth (When you cut the cloth a bit with scissors and then pull it the rest of the way). That was the last cut and I was bleeding more, obviously, and my leg felt strange. I’ve cut myself many a time before by accident and it never felt anything like this. I’m feeling some tingling pain right now, but nothing unbearable. In fact, there never really was unbearable pain, but ... strange pain. It took everything I had to be able to do that to myself, and so slowly as well. I’ve discovered something new about myself and I feel very ... free. This is a very nice feeling after feeling the way I have for such a long time. Temporary freedom from the emptiness and pain. Although, ‘all work and no play make jeff a dull boy’ seems to work as a focus medium as well. No, I’m not bloody insane or some shit like that. I’m just curious. I like to be the best that I can be and I feel that I’ve advanced myself. I recommend trying this if you can build up the willpower and control. Especially going back for a second and third cut. Right down into the meaty stuff. It’s an amazing feeling. Feelin’ Fine.

Discover yourself. Until Next Time.
Posted at 3:25:02 AM

Pain today, gone tomorrow. Feelin’ Fine.

As I begin to write a blog update my head begins to pulse and throb. Pulse. Throb. Pulse and Throb. As I continue typing, however, the Pulse and Throb begins to die down. Excellent. Today I found out that I might be able to become an apprentice (That’s such a lovely word) for one of Canada’s top technicians in the entertainment industry. He works for two major recording companies in Vancouver at the moment (Freelancing) and has been in the industry for 20 years. I haven’t been able to contact him yet, but I plan to in the near future. There is a severe rash of technicians everywhere in the world and the money is very good. I’m also incredibly interested in taking things apart and bodging things together. For instance, right now I’m embarking on a project to control my RC Truck with my Gravis Gamepad. Later, when I’m successful with the gamepad, I’ll hack apart my Wheel and Pedals and see if I can rig them up to the remote. How Fancy. Driving a RC Truck with real pedals and wheels. Neat.

The odds of finding the worm hole are infinitesimal.

I have a headache. Until Next Time.
Posted at 1:08:00 AM

I’ve always wondered what it would be like to just snap one day. Well, as of right now I feel as if I’m on the brink of insanity. Now, I know I could never push the line and I don’t think people just Snap, so nothing to worry about. However, I feel I’m pretty close to that imaginary line. Emotions blend together and merge into a limited few. Rage, anger, love, neutrality, goodness, desire ... etc. “Myself keep slippin’ away” – Trent Reznor. An epic battle of Mammoth proportion is transgressing through my brain, all flowing, and fighting, all raging. “Try to save ourselves”.

Perched on a hill a few feet out of range of the field of roses, I sit and watch. The clouds move by at the beautiful accelerated rate that only technology can bring us. The wind swirls around me, unknowing and undecided of which direction it should blow. The forest surrounds this magical place of roses and I don’t understand how I got here. A candle and lighter are laying at my feet ... Why? It’s daytime. As the clouds break open for an infinitesimal time, I see the sun above travelling across the void. As the flame touches the candle’s wick I’m engulfed in an explosion of power. Pain. Suffering. Fear. The sun drops out of existence. The night arises. Rage.

The clouds left burning and slippin’ away.

“It didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to”

What does one do to cure a feeling of mass emotions? Mayhaps a cup of tea. Earl Grey. Hot. Fear? Anxiety? Where do these sudden feelings develop? Emptiness. Overwhelmed. I am completely overrun by my emotions and have not the capability to have a thought! Extreme anxiety and Fear! What an odd sensation. I do not wish to feel this anymore.

As the brisk cool air blows over my face I wake to the night. The Devil Moon. The clouds have burned and drifted away leaving the stars to caress and care, yet even they ... even they have a menacing feeling to them. As I look down over the fields of roses I discover a horrible truth. Black. Powerful. I sit perched atop a tiny hill of grass looking down over a field of roses, black roses, beneath a sky of evil. Fear. I scream.

The enemy has arrived.

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Vacant stare. Pain within. Truth befallen. Truth be Sin.
Frozen fingers. Rage anew. Beating heart. Fear is true.
Flowing blood. Pumping veins. Blood of black. The pain remains.
Fields of roses. Sky of stars. Quest the light. Break the bars.
A war to win.
A man of somber hue.
Emotions of stain.
Erase the scars.

Until Next Time.
Posted at 2:47:33 PM

I write a blog today, to be read by others tomorrow. Into the future I type and into the future I think. I feel as if one day I’ll write something but I’ll be writing to the past. What I would type now would affect now. Mayhaps I’d type myself up a coke. Mayhaps I’d write in a finite amount of money. Yet, perhaps I’d write myself out of existence just to see what kind of paradoxes I could create in this universe. If you don’t follow, try to wrap your mind around writing yourself out of existence ... but then you don’t exist so you can’t write in the first place, therefor, you should still be alive. One also must look toward the possibility of an infinite amount of timelines for an finite amount of movements everyday throughout the universe. Perhaps if I wrote myself out of existence, I would just cease to exist in this timeline. I would exist in many other timelines, but not in this one. Now, obviously, we don’t have knowledge of these other timelines or they would create paradoxes of their own. Seeing yourself get hit my a car in one timeline and narrowly missing in the one you are looking from. Time travel, to the point of the speed of light can be relatively understood. The faster you are moving, the slower time exists for you. For example, you are in a space ship travelling at half the speed of light. When you return from a 10 minute journey to wherever and back, time on Earth would have sped by. I don’t know the exact relations at this time, but several years could have passed in those ten minutes you were inside the ship. As the speed increases, time passes by faster for the rest of the world. We can only speculate, however, what would happen when we reached the speed of light. Does time come to a stand still? If we pass the speed of light does that mean we could theoretically travel back in time? Travel at the speed of light would be very complicated, obviously. One must take into consideration the turbulence, if any, upon approaching the barrier. Stresses on the ship. A plot through space unoccupied by even the most minute piece of debris. Even the smallest particle of solid matter could tear a hole in your ship causing complete destruction. Fancy. Until Next Time.
Posted at 5:14:37 AM

One wonders about the mysteries of the world. Another wonders about the intricacies of a woman. Others wear costumes in the form of a flea. I wonder about nothing today. Not a thought of curiousity or questions have passed by me. From this comes by first question: What The Fuck? Until Next Time.

Resin's note: The following was 10 pages long, but due to the power turning off it has been reduced to the following:

all work and no play make jeff a dull boy
all work and no play make jeff a dull boy
all work and no play maje jeff a dull boy
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all wark and no play maje jeff a dull boy
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all wark and onplay make jeff a dull boy
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all work and no play make jeff a dull boy
all work and no play maje jeff a dull boy
all work and no play make jeff a dull boy
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all work and no play make jeff a dull boy
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all work and no play make jeff a dul lboy
all work and no play make jeff a dull boy
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all work and no ypla make jeff a dull boy
all work and no play make jeff a dull boy
all work and no play make jeff a dull boy

Posted at 1:38:55 AM

Feelin’ Fine. I went skiing today with pain in my thighs that would take One Hundred Advil (Booming Voice) to get rid off. Unfortunately, after popping about 10 pills in 6 hours, the pain was still there and we had to head home a little early. The full moon has brought many disappointments and fears to my close friends. Try as I might, everything seems to be crumbling around me. I only have a short blog to write today as I find myself grasping for words even as I type. As any writer knows, this is not the way to write anything productive and meaningful. I will point out though that readers of my previous blog thought that I should try writing a book. A monumental task is at my feet and I think I might except the challenge. What I will write about, I don’t know. I will also write this book when the emotions come across me, so don’t expect it being published within a couple months. I bid adieu. There is so much more to say, but the capacity to speak my thoughts has vanished. Until Next Time.
Posted at 11:56:42 PM

After many days of frustration due to Blogger timing out and erasing all my writing, I have decided to try once again, however I am now writing within Microsoft Word 97. You may ask why I don’t run version 2000. You may ask: “Jeff, why don’t you run Microsoft Word 2000?” for which I have no reply. I do not know why I stay locked with ’97. Mayhaps it was a good year, mayhaps I’m too lazy, mayhaps it’s just not time. Once and a while you sit and think to yourself: ‘I can’t do this right now, it’s just not time’. Mayhaps this is one of those events where I know it is just not time. With Splendir Solis playing within my headphones and a cup of Blackberry tea to the left of my mouse I now will begin with my thoughts, my ideas, and my own idiocy. I wrote in one of my previous blogs, which never made it onto the page, about The Dark Tower IV: The Wastelands. I will reitterate on the ideas which were previously recorded. I will warn you that the preceding sentences do include information about the book and will most likely ruin the ending of it. Not that the ending is the main part of the book, though, as it’s not. When the charecters arrive in a town, after travelling through a thinny (A thinny is a infinitly high rippling barrier between worlds of Earth) on Blaine the monorail, they find it littered with dead decaying bodies. Newspapers and traffic signs let on that this place is Kansas. At this point the little lightbulbs hadn’t arrived, which they should have. *SIDE NOTE* In The Dark Tower III a man saves the Tick Tock man (Again, I don’t know why the bells didn’t ring with his name) from dying and takes him away. He mentions his name is Flagg. *END SIDE NOTE* Now, while on their journey to try and find their way back to the world they came from (Or Another world with The Beam) they come across a car with a note on it stating that Flagg is in the west and Abygale is in the East. *SIDE NOTE* The Beam is a force which is a direct bath from 12 different points in the shape of a circle. A Beam travels from each of these points towards the point directly across the circle (The circle is Earth, composed of Out-World, Mid-World, and Inner-World). At the center, where all the beams cross, is The Dark Tower, which the protagonist and his travellers are trying to reach *END SIDE NOTE* Now after reading Flagg for the second time my mind lite up with joy and glee as I realized what was happening. Stephen Kind was writing in other plot lines from other books within this book. The Tick Tock man, Flagg, and a world struck down with a plague are all from a book called The Stand (Which I have yet to read;however, I have seen the movie). The only discrepancy that I have found is the Tick Tock man is later killed by our protagonist, Roland the Gunslinger, in The Dark Tower IV, yet he is also killed in The Stand (The Movie). I will have to read The Stand and see if he is actually killed in the book, which I’m sure Stephen King is taking refrences from. Now, after this little spat of glee I began to see other refrences from other books (These characters however were not significant to the plot). Very excellent job Mr. King. I salute you. Just another thought I might as well mention. The travellers eventually came upon a big glass castle in the middle of the highway. They put on the shoes which were layed out for them a couple miles back (Even Oy! – A billy Bumbler, which I’m positive I explained in an earlier Blog). The were inside the Emerald City Castle from the Wizard of Oz. When they reach the back part of the castle, the Tick Tock was behind the curtain instead of the wizard, and he was promply killed. Flagg appeared and talking took place, then he showed everyone the Pink Orb (One of 4 remaining which showed you whatever the hell it wanted to;however, this particular color could only show evil – and Stephen King gave an example of little boys jerking off as they watched their sisters getting undressed through the keyhole in their doors). Roland tried to shoot him but his guns couldn’t hurt him, he was unharmable with things from Roland’s world. When Roland tried to shoot him with the gun he had from Jake’s world (One very similar, if not, ours) it got caught on his buckle for a fraction of a second, and Flagg had vanished (I should point out that Flagg happened to be the Devil in The Stand, I don’t know if he has this same significance in this series). I expect to see troubles from Flagg in The Dark Tower V, which hopefully will be written sometime soon. Stephen has taken his time and only writes this series when ‘it’s time’ and it has been 30 years with 4 books so far. I certainly do not appreciate waiting around for the other books to come :). Mr. King hinted at there being another 3 or 4 books left in the series, if he ever finishes it at all. These books are very special to him and are his best work. They hold a special part in his heart and that gives these books a special glow to them, which intrance and bewilder the reader for hours of uninterrupted reading. I finished the book before New Years and have since started to read The Tale of the Bodythief by Anne Rice. This is Book IV within the Vampire Chronicles, which I have so enjoyed. This book is again written from the point of view of Lestat, our loveable ‘damned’ vampire. When Anne Rice and Stephen King die, they should be bronzed and put in my house. Queen of the Damned, Book III, was fantastic and I loved every moment of it. I greatly appreciated the stories of all the other vampires of which I had so wondered about. Mekare, Pandora (Which has a book of her own later), Marius, and all the others. Unfortunatly, this current book is about Lestat and Lestat alone. He writes about his tales after the destruction of Akasha in the woodlands. So far I have enjoyed the book, although I’m only 120 pages in. Excuse me for a few non-sane moments that I feel I have to express to the public. This will not be in my typical blogger style, so be forwarned.

FUCKEN SHIT FACED MOTHER FUCKERWORLD WITH THE FUCKNIG FACE ON THE FUCKING WALL. HOLY SHIT I COULD KICK THE FUCKING CRAP OUT OF ANYTHING FUCK THING IF IT WIOULD ONLY FUCKING COME NEAR. stay away retro. FUCKING FACE ON THE FUCKING WA?LL LOOKING AT ME WITH IT’S MOUTH WIDE OPEN AND MOCKING ME AND LOOKING at me. See the stars feel the rage light sustianed rage contained. FUCKING RAGE IS NOT FUCKING CONTAINED. Computer outlit fear forgotten agression rising FEAR FUCKING FORGOTTEN. NOW YOU KNOW THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE THET FUCKING WRETCHED HOLY MOTHER FUCKING FUCKNESS OF FUCKING GIRLS IN THE FUCKING POOL., I feel fucking horrible and fucking insane and I’ve just snapped within a blogg of wonder and distain. Fucking hell and fucking earth see the wonder feel the pain. FUCKING DOGS FUCKING FEAR FUCKING HATS FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKNIG FUCKNGI FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FAOPF AFOFFAFFPFAPFFAPFA PFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFFPCRISP FUCKINTG CRCISP FEEL THE FUCKING CEILING TSEE THU FUCKING STARS feel the rage light sustained. Head to the fucking celing fingers making mistakes. Woh the fuck cares. Feel the light make mistakes see them later. Fuckno. Who cares. Mistakes of reality THE GODS ARE FUCKING SHUNNING ME AND MAKING THE EARTH SHAKE WITH UNBEARABILITY. Light sustained. Light remained. The wretched.STARFUCKERS PEOPLE FUCKERS EVERYONES A FUCK FUCK FUCKERS. DEMONS REIGN FUCKING SUPREME IN THE HEADPHONES FEEL THE FUCKING RAGE OF THE LITTLE SHITS IN THE BACK OF YOUR THROAT JUST WAITING FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT TO UNLEASH THEIR GUTTERAL SCREAM UPON THIS GOD FORSAKEN PEICE OF SHIT THAT WE CALL EARTH. FUCK IT FUCK EM ALL FEEL THE FUCKING PAIN YOU FUCKING PEICES OF SHITSTARFUCKINGFUCKERS. OH.............MY.............FUCKING... ... ... ... FUCGKFKOEGCUDUSNOEUID EOUHOENUGHOESNUTHOEU TNHOEHUHTOEHUHO EHUHTNOEUHTSNOTSNED HUDONISOEHUHOEHUOENHUHNHNTSOEHUHTNSOENHOEUNHTOTNEUHTNSHOETUSHOE HDONT GET ME FUCKING STARTED ON THIS LITTLE SHIT WORD CALLED FUCKSTICK ................... FUCKSTICK ................ WHAT THE FLYING FUCK WAS THAT LITTLE PEICE OF MOLTEN FLUID THINKING WHEN HE INVENTED THAT WORD. HOLY SHIT! What the fuck was going through this little buggers mind when he said the word Fuckstick. Why the fuck does everyone use this worthless annoying word. Holy shit. FUCKERS STAR FUCKING FUCKERS. LIGHT FUCKING SUSTIANED Feel the wrath, it’s quiet. Small beat. Small music. Small words. Small lines. Small letters. Small. small .... .... .... ..... .... .... mug of light ...... ..... ...... light sustained. Hear the music soothing the soul, the past forgotten, the fear crumbling and appearing. Frightened. I run. I run from this horrible spot. I run. Over grass, over snow. Over gravel, down and low. I fly from here, I fly hard and high. I reach straight up and touch the sky. Smooth. Silky. The sky is textured well. Musical transitions. Moving swift through time. Until the end. The end has come. ............................... Transition. .................................. Bumps on the roof lights up above smashing to the ground explosion within feelings from out hatred unleashed feeling unkept blog writing camping stars stars stars. See the stars, see them well. Wish. Bind your might and wish. My god sits in the back OF THE FUCKING LIMOSINE MY GOD DOESN’T CARE ABOUT MY WITS MY GODS DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU MY GODS DON’T CARE ABOUT SHIT. Thorm. I’LL BE THERE FOR YOU SAY THE GODS. THEM ‘GODS’. Starfuckers. Moving feet, run the lands, fly the mountains, submersing oceans. I AM EVERY FUCKING THING AND JUST A LITTLE MORE. I SOLD MY SOUL DON’T YOU DARE CALL ME A FUCKING WHORE YOU FUCKING PEICE OF ass. SHIT ASS WHORE. Starfucker. Pink Floyd. Staring from the wall. Glowing. Glowing. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Glowing. The eyes follow. The Pyro has arrived. In the dead of the night. Rotting flesh. Tearing flesh. Searing flesh. RIP YOUR FLESH FROM YOUR ARM AND SHOVE IT DOWN THE THROATS OF MY FUCKING GODS. DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DON’T YOU DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN THEIR FUCKING THROATS OF TIME. FEELING TIME. light sustained. DARKNESS ENVELOPES. STARFUCKERS. DOWNDOWN 10034329933939 RIGHT FUCKING DOWN 654321 FUCKING DOWN THE FUCKING SHIT FACED SON OF A BITCH 93. Now I’ll be. Home. Away. Gone. Finished. Forever. Bliss. Gone. Fuckers. Glass. Sand. Desert. Forgotten. Death.

NOW I’LL BE MY GOD. I’LL BE MY GODS. YOU’LL BE MY SAVIOUR AND NOW I’LL BELONG. I’ve had enough. Feeling Fine. Jake’s a dull boy. Feelin’ Fine. eh.

light sustained

The book has captured my mind, however, and I fear that the next time I pick it up I won’t be able to put it down until it’s complete. Moving away from the realm of books, I move through the void to the realm of life. New Years was held here, at my house, and I think it was a complete success. I was a little worried that we would have shit all to do, and we did until we started drinking around 9:00pm. With loud Techno pumping for the rest of the night (Oakenfold – Resident, for the most part) I was very entertained, and from the reactions of the rest of the party goers, they enjoyed it as well. I was self aware up until about 2:30 – 3:00am. From there on out, I can’t remember a thing besides becoming conscious in the washroom for a few seconds to realize I was done being sick. I then moved on downstairs and passed out. Complete success. Last night I went to a coffee shop downtown with Ari, Usak0, and Chaiee. It was rather fun, even though I was a silent thoughtful bastard who didn’t do very much besides sit and stare at different things.I had fun, for those reading this blog and were there. Thank your for forcing me out of my house.

I am an American.

After the coffee shop, I drove Ari’s car and it’s passengers back to Poco. After dropping Chaiee off, we moved over to 711 then proceeded to Ari’s house where I had a grand ol’ time with her cat ‘Trouble’. That was a very informative piss I just had. I realized I really had to pee.

Pyro is Jedi.

I would now like to shift my attention to the Hellraiser series. The movies are thee best ‘horror’ (If you can call them that ... more along the lines of artistic masterpeices) films I have ever seen. And I’ve seen a lot of horror films. Everything from Amnityville (All of them) to Pet Semetary (All of them) to A Nightmare on Elm Street (All of them). If you take away the gore, which is well done and not fake and cheesy, you would have a fantastic movie for all viewers. However it stays somewhat underground do the blood and violence. This gore is very neccessary, however, as it adds to the vision and wonder that these films possess. Hellraiser: Inferno has been my latest viewing of this series and I only have one left to see: Hellraiser – Bloodline. I am anxiously awaiting the viewing of this movie. Sigh. I have to own all of them. On top of all the wonderful images and stories is the fantastic musical score. In the original, the Hellraiser theme was created by Coil. Most civilians will not like their music. I however love ever note they’ve created. They are right up there with Metallica and NIN. If not, at points, over taking Metallica. Nine Inch Nails, I’m positive, will remain at the top of my music charts for the rest of my life. Anyways, being the movie buff that I think I am, I proudly recommend that everyone watch the Hellraiser movies at one point or another. If you don’t want to watch all of them, at least watch the first Hellraiser. One more fancy detail I’d like to point out about these movies is Pinhead. He is played by the same actor in every Hellraiser movie. That’s over a 15 year span. Quite impressive. As we near the end of the Nine Inch Nails latest remix cd a decision has to be made. Do I continue on with the blog with Collective Soul or do I end it here. I think Tea Party – Nine Inch Nails – Collective Soul would make a very good atmosphere of writing, however I don’t know if I have the stamina to continue writing. Mayhaps. I’ll decide when the song ends, which I might add is very soon. There we have it, I have decided to continue writing with the wonderful introduction song on Collective Soul’s self titled cd.

Pyro is Russian.

Simple. Tommorow night I have another decision to make: What the fuck do I want to eat. I’m being taken out to a hockey game and dinner for a christmas present from my sister. I think I’ll request Sushi, although I don’t know if we will have enough time to eat. I look forward to the hockey game, I haven’t been in a little while (I know there are readers out there that never go to a game, I’ll try to take you one day, I swear). A little while being a couple months. I’ve stuck with the Canucks through their ‘Down’ period of 6 years and have never given up hope. Being at their playoff games in ’94 was enough to encaptivate me for a lifetime. Such energy, such brilliance, such incredible vibrance during those playoff games. Go Canucks. If I was to have been born into another era, I would have hoped it would have been an era full of wizards and sorcerers. I definitly would have been a mage, and a damn good one at that. As the sweet breeze goes. I do wish at this exact moment that I could venture to an era without human kind ... to the wild open during a summers night. What I wouldn’t give to see the stars as they were millions of years ago. What I wouldn’t give to breath the air, to feel the soil, to drink the water. I could never begin to explain how I’d feel. My heart races and my body strums at this idea. To be able to stand on a cliff, for endless time, under the bright nights sky. The full moon, the valley bellow. To see the dinosaurs roam, to hear the animals cry. To see the brilliance of the lakes, the clarity of each breath I would take. I would spin and spin and spin on top my cliff point, spin with the wind in my hair (I’d have a couple inches more hair then I do now) and the grass below my feet. Sigh. Missing. Missin’. Missin. If I could ask for one thought more, one last prize. I’d ask for a love to be standing at my side. To be sitting perched on the edge of this cliff, under the brilliant stars, watching the nocturnal dinosaurs appear and roam across the country side so far below. To hold her around the waist as we sit and be able to kiss her on the back of her neck as the wind picks up and takes our souls through a journey of the lands. To see earth as one. Unbroken. To roam amuck. Back to infinity. Back to everything. Unbelievable. I dream the other night that I was (I can do this) Arnold Swarzenegger. I was in charge of an army with our opponents on the other side of the hill, unseen. We rushed the hill and when we got to the other side we were slaughtered. We were a modern army, using old techniques. Rush and die, as I would say. The light faded back in, and it was the start of the dream all over again, but this time I knew of the outcome. So as my army rushed off to their certain death I walked back to a cabinet and opened it up. I took out a double barreled shot gun, loaded it and stuck it behind my back. I did the same with another shotfun, placing it behind my back for reach with my left hand. I then looked at the row of sunglasses and was trying to decide which one I was going to put on . I spotted some more a shelf down and discovered these were night vision goggles. One pair caught my eye: A silver pair (Not unlike my own) with light yellow lenses and two rectangular peices which slid into place in front of the lenses when I put them on. It wasn’t night, but a Heads Up Display was present and the field of view was a light green. I was set to take on an army. I didn’t finish the dream, however. My dream made it’s way to an apartment crammed full of friends. At least 35 people were in there at one point or another. Certain people were jumping 25 stories to the pool below and once everyone but a few close friends had left, I locked the doors. The people still in the apartment started to chase me around with the intent to kill and I locked myself in a black room with a remote control in the center. I ran over and pressed the button on the remote. The room shook for a few minutes and I was throw all about. Once the rumbling had ceased, I opened the door only to find a post-apocolyptic world. I had destroyed everything. I roamed the land for a while, drove a few cars, then woke up. Very entertaining. Wide scale war seems to play a major part in the dreams I can rememeber. One day I will have to start writing down my dreams immediatly when I wake up. One day. As I sit here with my empty Tim Hortons mug and half filled ‘Pigs On Tour’ mug, I can’t help but wonder what the future holds for myself. I would love to roam the lands of ireland. Run along the edge of edgeless cliffs, drive off into the open plains, play free. I, of course, would like to have company, but it is going to be very hard finding someone that would go and that I could stand. I guess it would be another bonus if I was going out with this person. To just be free, for a couple months. Living small. Living free. Bliss. We will see. I would really like to go camping sometime soon, but I’m thinking it’s a little cold. Another problem is there are no longer carefree days of fun like there used to be during Highschool. Friends work. Shit. I will find time. Nature is where I like to be, which is a complete contradiction to myself because I love technology and am surrounded with every peice of high quality equipment I can afford. I need new glasses as well. Fuck you, Gil. Well isn’t that fancy. They said Resonate on the cd. Aren’t I cool. I would really like to write an official IQ test. I did one on the internet not so long ago and recieved a score of 158. Now this is incredibly high, considering 140 is a genius and 100 is the average. However, friends of mine scored 120-140, with a few exceptions scoring up in the same area as myself. I don’t believe this test in accurate.

Lying on the edge of eternity I screamed into the air ‘WHAT THE FUCK!’

It seems the cd is winding down into its final two songs. I would like to use the following minutes to reflect on a few people and thank them for their contributions, which keep me running in a straight line. First of all, I’d like to thank Shrew. You have been a major help as of late, even though we just sit there and you ask me questions about the world, which I hopefully answer correctly. I love every second of it and I am always here to answer those nagging questions if you need me. I’d also like to thank Usak0. Off the top of my head I’d like to thank you for being so supportive in my travels as of late with events and emotions which I’m sure you find rather weird and hard to deal with. Your efforts do not go unnoticed and I will always love you for it. Thank you for always being there, right from the beginning. Next I’d like to thank Dayzed. I can’t express what I’m thankful for in this blog as it’s too confusing and just too much to type. Thank You. Thank you so much. And a Thank You to Ari who has recently been concerned for my well being and overall happiness and it’s been wonderful. If it’s needed I’ll give back every ounce of energy and then some back to you for what you’ve been doing for me. Thank you. For a bunch of others: Sludge, Phyre, Ent, Poomus, Celia, Psy-Q, Chillin ... thank you for being consistant and keeping order to my life. You’ve always been there if needed and you have been, for the most part, the safety net of people to just be normal. Anybody not mentioned here are either not or IRC (I can’t think anymore, sorry if you are important to me and I’m an idiot and just forgot about you) or you are not a significant part of my life. Not to say I don’t like you, I just don’t interact with you on a daily basis. I’m done with the mushy stuff. That’s the last you will ever see it in Blog form. Feel the passion, feel the pain, feel the energy, light sustained. Until Next Time.
Posted at 2:11:02 AM

I haven’t been too up-to-date on my Bloggs and I apologize to all my dedicated fans. This web page Owner has come down with a case of influenza. My throat is burning, my body aches, my stomache hurts, and I have a fever. Needless to say, it better go away by tommorow because ... It will be Christmas Day! Happy Christmas Eve. I don’t feel completly with the word at the moment, so I think I am going to end this days journal here and take some Knockout Tylenol Flu Drink. Merry Christmas – Until Next Time.
Posted at 10:32:45 PM

Woah Woah, yahyah yah yah. Here I sit until I’m not sitting any further. NIN plays within my Headphones. It is the new Remix cd. Excellent. I finished my christmas shopping yesterday, as well as wrapping (No Heather, not rapping) *No Sue*. I have one present to buy on Christmas Eve as I can only buy it on that particular date. Ooh, a mystery. I just lost myself to the groove for a few seconds there. Now You Know, This Is What It Feels Like. Now You Know, This Is What It Feels Like. This Is What It Feels Like. I’ve become quite effecient at capitalizing every word. When I used to work at the Royal Bank Operations Service Center (Apparently I’m still Staff after 8 months of unemployment), we had to type up investigations that people sent on physical paper, before we could actually do the investigation. I developed a habit of capitilizing every word to cure a bit of my own boredom. It’s stuck with me and I now tend to capitalize words which I think are important or are stressed in any given sentance. The Wretched (Remix). It didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to, it didn’t turn out quite the way that you wanted it ... No! Well. My grandma is coming over (Tu-Tu ... Grandma Grandma in Hawaii Tongue) and she’s a big nuisance. I won’t get into it, but she’s a very mean old lady who I don’t like talking to. It’s just a little different this year because I recieved some papers back on my parents (I’m adopted for all of you in computer land who didn’t know) and my original birth name, which makes me feel even more indifferent towards her. I sent out an active search about 2 months ago to find my parents and perhaps meet them (I looked in the phone book and my birth mother’s name is still living at the same address from when I was born – I’m guessing these are the grandparents). Curiousity is peaked at points when I delve into thought about it: Are my parents still together? Where are they know? And all the questions which one would expect myself to be asking. My birth father was 18 and my birth mom 17. He was working as a labor worker (Still going to school), wanting to take a career in audio (Runs in the family I guess, heh) and she was a straight A student (Intelligence runs in the family I guess, heh). So. Yes. I await. My mom’s brother found out he was adopted this year (He’s 49) and it devestated him. His dad was no help at all and left his house unannounced after telling him. Bah. Turns out he has a sister (40) and they have met and become good friends. The problem with not finding out until 49 is the risk. How would you know if you married into your own bloodline? Genetic Defects could occur and many other serious implications which you wouldn’t have a clue about. I was told from as early as I can remember. I even have a child’s book explaining what Adoption is (Babies don’t come from Vending machines!). Not very many of my friends, even some of the close ones, know I’m adopted. Well, if they read this they’ll know. For anyone that’s curious, my given birth name is Shaun Andrew Millar (Like we needed anymore S*ns). My father’s name is Andrew Leonard Millar (Born in Burnaby) and my mother’s name is Pamela Monica Zimmerman (Born in Regina). Anyways, I have more music to listen to and different people to talk to. Until Next Time.
Posted at 6:30:56 PM

“Oh My God” screams someone from the crowd at the Metallica/San Fransisco Symphony. Call Of Ktulu. Excellent. Drift away. Fade away. Before this – Final Fantasy 7 Ending Theme. 45 hours Non-Stop. 20 cans of coke. 12 Pizza Pops. 4 Nacho packages from 711. 3 bags of chips. 2 Subs. 1 Big Crunch Combo = The most satisfying moment in Resin’s gaming history. Excellent I tell you. Excellent. The other day before watching the Dungeons and Dragons movie I experienced another of Resin’s Most Satisfying and Incredible Moments: A person, instantly recognizable (To Kevin and I, at least). A character. The Style. Our mouths gaped open, my hand froze in midair with a couple of cheesy, gravy’d french fries attatched. Heart’s pounding. Breaths Held. Unexpected. Wonderful. Amazing. Spooging. Undeniably, Unbelievably, Unannounced Awe. The Final Fantasy Movie Trailer. Chills run up my spine to this day thinking of that moment when a preview ... a preview which we did not know was at this film ... a trailer which has been in anticipation forever. The Star Wars: Episode 1 trailer paled in comparison (I didn’t think it would be possible). Absolute Bliss. Sigh. *Melt*. What a lineup of music my playlist has brought to me: Celebration – FF7 Ending – Call Of Ktulu – Tragically Hip: Gift Shop – NIN: Burn – HellMarch – Stairway To Heaven. Sigh. What a moment. Until Next Time.
Posted at 5:59:29 PM

A bit to Note: Someones name in the credits on Star Trek: TNG is ‘Melissa Snodgrass’. Until Next Time.
Posted at 12:58:43 AM

Waka Waka. I spent the day at Shrew’s today. We rented Gladiator and proceeded to watch it with a cat on the couch. The cat was lazy. We were lazy. The movie was good. We picked up Mike and proceeded to watch a lot of television and discuss certain things when they came up. I giggle way too much. When I get laughing and someone else laughs at me because I’m jiggling, I can’t stop. Oh boy, I can’t stop. *Chuckle*. You know, I have very little to report at this moment, besides the fact that I’m eating Rippled chips with Ranch dip ... and the first chip I took out of the bag wasn’t rippled. Bastards at Old Dutch. Oh, I have a Coke with me as well. Star Trek: TNG is playing on my left and god knows what’s going on to my right. Retro is pushing a chip around trying to eat it ... he’s not being very successful. I’m feeling very lonely at this moment. I wish everyone would get back from their Tims visit. :/. Well, I don’t think there is any point in babbling anymore. Until Next Time.
Posted at 12:53:51 AM

Walla Walla Washington. Tonight was adventurous. I attended the dinner and ate a little Bambi, which was really good. Beat a few old folks at pool and sat around telling everyone what school I went to and what I did for the 100th time. When I got back to IRC I discovered everyone had gone to Bruce’s house and on a whim, I decided to venture over there myself. It was a good idea. I had a great time watching a Kung-Fu movie with Jet Li, then going to get some 711 and A&W, and coming back to watch Final Destination (The second viewing for myself). I finally met Ari (She’s pretty, kick ass!) and layzed around, killing time. Now, I think I’m going to get some sleep until Noon (Approx – 6 hours). Until Next Time.
Posted at 5:41:22 AM

Save Me. Wise Up. Ahh, the wonders of Magnolia. What a fantastic movie. Heather and I sat in the huttub again, this time while it was snowing.The wind was blowing hard and kept our faces and hair constantly frozen. It was grand fun. How many days to Christmas? My watch would say that we have Nine days left until christmas morning when we get to open our presents and be merry and happy :). I still have one present that I have to get, and christmas shopping this late is hell. Bloody malls make me dizzy by themselves. I wish, in my lifetime, that I could see hundreds of thousands of frogs falling from the sky. I know this type of thing exists, because I’m smart and know things. Tornados spin over top of lakes and rivers and suck up animals right where they stand/swim. They then spin to a local town or another area and when they start to dissipate, the animals are flung to the ground. Fucken’ Hell, eh? Why can’t that ever happen in Port Coquitlam. In typical Vancouver style, in snowed all night and the rain started around 10:00am, washing all the snow away. Damn Vancouver. Tonight I have a christmas ‘gathering’ to attend. I sure wish I didn’t have to go. I’d rather stay in and watch a few DVDs and have another nice hottub. Well, I would suppose that one should be getting ready soon to attend this swanky party. I must make a grand appearance. Until Next Time.
Posted at 5:47:29 PM

Well, I had a very nice day today. In the very early morning, Sak and I were in the hottub (Around 1am or so), and we stayed in there for almost a couple hours. We took a few rolls around in the snow and a few little snowball fights in the huttub, but besides that we vedged and talked. Rewind. We were watching a very good episode of The Outer Limits at 10:00 and tried our damnedest to guess what the outcome would be ... and in the typical Outer Limits style, it threw a curve ball from left field and we were totally wrong. Fucken’ eh, Outer Limits. I applaud you. We also watched a couple of sessions of the Newlywed Game, excellent Tv if I might say. Today I went on a field trip with my Location Audio class to watch a professional piece together our clips and audio we had filmed two days prior, it was a great learning experience. I found out that I did a pretty damn good job of the audio, but the room we filmed in was gynormous (Thanks Mr Crocodile Hunter) and there was a lot of Reverb which ruined the shots somewhat. Oh well, that’s what this whole thing was about, to make mistakes.

It is time to put the brain to the table in my latest edition of ‘What’s on Jeff’s Mind’. Today’s selection of music is Jean Michel Jarre – Chronologies Parts 1 – 8. I have just started to play Part 1, which is an 11-minute track. A few corrections I’d like to make in my flashback in my previous entry. Heather is not up for teaching the Newlings (I decided to invent a word for the new children that would be born by Mike and Heather) everything, and would like to see them learn the world for themselves. Furthermore, she suggested an option to the breeding issue that I had not thought of: Sean and I also fathering children of Heather. This option tends to complicate things farther in record keeping in my opinion. I would like to see Sean and I fathering children with Mike and Heather’s daughters when they come to Time. I think this is the most efficient and safest way of starting a new civilization. We will then have Three branches of people (Sean and I would take multiple females, if there were that many) which reduces the risk of infection and diseases that could cause a catastrophe. After my children grow up, they will be able to split and breed with Sean’s children and Mike’s children. After this happens, if we are still verile, we will be able to breed back three generations apart, greatly reducing the risk of imbreeding defects. Fuck, I again was brought off the beaten path and do not have the ambition to discuss this topic anymore. I think I may go and play in the snow. It’s snowing pretty hard out right now and we’re supposed to get 20 centimeters over night. Until Next Time.
Posted at 11:02:16 PM

Seeing as how I just created this page, I figured I might type something on it. So ... this is my first entry on the writing section of my homepage, obviously. Well, I had a pretty lax day, besides having to hold up a Boom Pole for 3 hours during our Location Audio homework assignment. We had a little interogation scene and we get to take it to a Post-Production house on Friday to see how things turned out and watch how the professionals do it. Besides that, I wrapped a few presents and watched 3 hours of Junkyard Wars. That was very good. Excellent. I can't wait to see the dweebs next week. GO GEEKS. Anyways, I figure I should watch some more TV or read more of The Dark Tower IV: Wizards and Glass.

I have decided to type some more, sounds like fun, eh? I just finished reading a work that I'm fairly proud of, despite the obvious grammar mistakes and weak sentances in several areas. At points I sound like a child. It's 'Fear', a poem which I wrote straight out and only briefly edited afterwards. I think this poem was one of those 'Once in a blue moon' events. I tried to reproduce the complexity and detail in several others, including TammyRose (Which was supposed to be written for a Friend of mine getting married) which was a total disaster. I abanded the project after the first couple lines, but wrote a few paragraphs. Horrible. the same thing goes for Princess and a few others, absolutly horrible. I won't classify my own writings as you can do that yourself if you decide to actually read them. I will also point out that I included every single peice of work that I have written on the computer (Poetry wise) and did not leave any out due to their quality. I'm not a Poet by any means, but I like to think that I have a few good poetic qualites in me. I'm quite fond of 'Pyro' just because it's about myself, which includes too many symbolisms for even the most avid reader to guess at. I also thought the Sabrina's Parents was quite clever for a brief rage of writing. A note about the website, I'm trying to make it simple, yet nice to look at and somewhat unique. I'm not going to all extents on any images or anything like that and I'm trying to only work with several colors (Black, white, and dark grey) with a few additions of Blue (Dark Blue is a favorite color of mine). If you notice anything that seems out of place, as everything seems out of place after a while, please email me (welfare@home.com) and let me know.

I've been listening to the new Pearl Jam Live album(s) and have been revisting a talk some friends and I had last year sometime. During Track 12 on Disc 2 I find myself being forced back to think about the issue. One night on a whim we (Usak0, Sludge, Chillin, and I) had decided to wait up and watch the sunrise. Now, if you have not watched a sunrise before, I suggest you do it. If you have watched one before, then you will know that it takes Forever for that fucking thing to show itself in the sky. When you first see light you think the sun is on its way, but Nope it's another 3 fucking hours before it raises its head. When it finally does raise its head, the fucking spectacle is over in about 15 seconds. BAH! It was well worth it though and I will definitly do it many more times in the years to come. Back on track: A couple hours before the sun did finally rise we somehow worked our way into a discussion which has yet been unmatched in any experience to date. This was one of the most intellectually stimulating conversations I've been in. The scenario was: A visible shock wave of the sort was generated (We didn't even touch on how this would be possible, it didn't matter) and it made every human being disappear, who were not right by the waterside. We were able to see the wave coming, first marked by the scattering of thousands of birds from the East. We all dropped as low as we could to the ground and covered our heads as the way approached (I think we stated we were in a little null in the ground, as if the wave would pass over us) and waited. After several long seconds for the wave passing overhead, I slowly got up first (Apperently because it's a Jeff thing to do) and took a look around. I said things were okay and everyone else got themselves up to take a look. It was very eerie and quiet. There wasn't a sign of any human being in the area besides us and things looked ... desolate. So we got into a discussion about what we would do next and how we would stay alive (We knew there weren't very many people left on Earth). The group decided that Chillin and I (After finding some nice rides, of course we took the really fancy cars - Ferraris and the sort) would cruise the local areas and split off across the country for a couple days looking for anymore survivors. Heather and Mike would be taking care of things back home: finding food, checking the internet for others, getting all the necessites for survival. Things would be a bit of a free shopping spree for the first couple months. After we established a home and enough to survive on (Dried Meat and canned foods until a garden could be built and maintained, unless we found and were able to maintain an already operating greenhouse). The discussion then moved onto building the human race again, and how we would go about things. We decided for reproduction that Mike and Heather would concieve a large family, and when they got to a safe reproduction age, Sean or I would continue the chain with them. We would make a chart and think carefully about things before proceeding to avoid imbreding. Things were a little split at this point. Option 1) Wait until the family was large enough and split it into Two camps (To avoid virus' that could potentially wipe out all of us, and for all we knew, we could have been the last survivors on the planet) or I would take a daughter of Mike and Heather and head off on our own for a while with Chillin doing the same, and then converge together again years later and split off into several larger camps. There was to be a lot of breedin' going on. Once we got passed the reproduction stage, we started moving our discussion towards what we would teach our children. Personal opinions and ideas flurished at this point. Questions about Religion and whether or not we should teach our children of war of the past. Did they really need to know about our gruesome history? Opinions split down the middle. Some said they should know so they can avoid it happening again, some said it might plant ideas or teach them things which could influence future decisions in a Negative manner. On a personal note: I thought of the situation as another chance for Human Kind and decided that we should teach what we knew to be true (I'm not sure where I stand on advanced teachings as Physics and chemistry ... who knows if this is the right way to be thinking about things in the first place. If we teach them about these things, we are just heading to pick up right where we left off in the world. It causes confusion within myself then, to know if I'd even teach basic math, as advanced math branches out from there. It all follows logical order, but who knows if things are just logical because we want to believe everything is orderally. Perhaps I'd let our children discover things on their own. That, my friends, is one that I do puzzle over, and will puzzle over for many years to come (It's a fun way to pass the time when driving)). As for philysophical issues, I'd discuss what I knew and what I thought, but leave the rest for this new generation to decide on their own. If we wanted, we could shape human kind to any way we desired. We could all be naked. We could all speak in Porn. We could learn to speak backwards, whichever we wanted, and we could teach it to our children and it would be learned. What we didn't want happening is telling them something to hide the terrible truth of the world, and then having them stumble upon them in a book or on the existing internet (For as long as it would stay up, unmaintained). We were not without a lot of responsibilities of our own ... we had to learn how to mantain food, operate machinery, hopefully keep electricity, do what it takes to make our survival easier. I have tea now, but it seems that I've broken my concentration and devotion to writing about this wonderful past event. I'll have to pick it up someother time, when I get into my own ideas and own thoughts upon this subject that was not discussed this night. There is also a very good episode of Star Trek: TNG on. Until next time.
Posted at 4:05:40 PM

Waka Wka Waka. $th Test.
Posted at 3:41:08 PM

This is my Third Post. Testing Testing.
Posted at 3:13:52 PM

Testing Testing. Second Post.
Posted at 3:07:58 PM

This is my first post. Bow down before the one you serve, you're going to get what you deserve.
Posted at 2:57:55 AM