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Oi! View this in the right bleedin' font! Download Ransom and RansomB (right click and save as).
No fair! I am now crusty bit less, and at my time of life too . Yea, there will be a great gnashing of darkness and wailing in the teeth when news of this gets to authorities I'll be bound . Thoes in the know eh? It's difficult to predict their response, but I knows a way . It involves three cubits of quarter inch hemp rope, a litre of k-y jelly, one aubergine, a sinkplunger and unless you are very flexible the help of friends, relatives or the type of neighbour you probably dont want to live next door to .
9:56:59 PM
Eternal blindness (I have had trouble gettin' near the infernal machine) . Anyway I work in a booze shop and have realised that there aint anyfing quite so queer as folk . Apart from turfin' arht drunks 'n' workin as a tourist info site durin the summer e . t . c . We also get arsked for any number of silly things . Ok we do sell soft drinks, but milk? Wot about batteries? No . Potatoes, stamps fone cards (for mobiles 'n' fone boxes) . admittedly we do sell fags, but not in BLUDDY TENS! Probly the strangest thing that I have been asked for is directions to a shop where the bloke could get summint to make it bigger? He asked this while gesturing with his hands in the vacinity of his tackle in a way that would have been the envy of any mime artist . 'Onnest 'n' strait up it's true . I ask you why me? I sent him down the road to the big roundabout, First exit and about five mins walk from there and you will find the private shop.
10:46:12 PM
Fetid sweaty pustulating testicles!
10:49:44 PM
Loons, loons and more loons . That is wot the world is full of! Admittedly ther are some absolutly loverly loons out there, but none the less the vast majority are a putrifying vat of rancid camel offal . Stroll on! As I always say "They is all mad 'cept theee 'n' me, I seriously suspect thee an I is havin serious doubts abahrt me" . Did you know that I am an triumvarate? But so is anybody else. 'God' aint the only bugger who can pull that stunt . Ok so his/her/it's/their father son 'n' holy wotsit is a bit flasher than me ,meself 'n' i, but it smaks of incest instead of self manipulation and leeds to sickness of the mind . Just look around and you will see . Who but a complete bleedin loony would come up with the idea of making some gurlie preggers so he can be born, then ask himself "Do I have to die and why didin't we come up with a loop hole when I came up with this caper?" , before he gets himself nailled to a tree for our sins? Eh? Run that by me agane will you? This 'God' bloke must be a bit mad in the hed I rekkon . Personally I am quite happy with my sins thankyou . I have developed quite an extensive collection, tho I must admit to some dulpication . Anyone for swapsies? But only if you have summint interestin' .
11:09:44 PM
Lummie ! Me bum is rilly like a bag o' ferrets ! A total case of squitty politti, or was that some eighties band ? Anyway as I sed before welcome to the inside of me hed . I sometimes wonder if the inside is aktually the outside 'n' vice versa but mostly I wonder if there is a difference between the two at all . Well not mostly, there wouldnt be room for anyfing else in/out there/here if it were mostly filled up with that .And that can't be true, stands to reason cos I kno that the bounds of this place are infinate and even if wots left after mostly filling infinity is a bigger volume than what you 'ane filled up, it's amazin' how few things left lyeing about it takes to make infinity look cluttered . If I were you I'd prob'ly go away now and not cum back cos this is the flavour of the frog weilding kaliedoscopic gruntfuddock of a realm that is me burbles and it is kumquat and toe cheese . Gruntfuddock. What a loverley texture that word has? I aint shure if I perfer the word gruntfuddock or moist, on second thoughts it probably be moist as it have such a wunderfull variable set of textural possibilities . Oh yea ! Before I forget, just to inform U in case a brace of short planks, omniverous ungulate poo and you is insestually related . I cant, spell and as a being of oscillating equilibrium grammer is a yet to be discovered parallel universe . Propper punctuation is oft times considered an old wives tale and I am a ocassional sufferer of attacks of idiom, dontcherkno'? I 'ope it annoys you . I really do . 'Spesh wen I make it wurst on porpoise . You prob'ly consider me a bit of a tit and youd be right, but then agane Im only human (ish) .
Technically a burble are phychaotic tricyclic systems wiv furry dice an' everything . Like thoes furry dice and little smelly trees and them wossnames with the twiddly bits that go meep, the wossnames not the twiddly bits that is . Trust me you dont want wossnames that have meeping twiddly bits instead of meeping wossnames, thoes ones are defective . If you have wone send it back and demand a refund .
8:46:17 PM
Greetinz 'n' salutatations, welcome to the inside of me head. You will find that as with most peeples heds it is full of vast quantities of gack and crud, but among the vast faeces of thought there are to be found the plastic pearls of wisdom. Scoff ye not it's true, so if you can be arsed to come back here you may learn summint from time to time (unless you is a bleedin' spanner of a monkey) . If you aint arsed then welcome to the club (mines got a big spike through it !) and sod off . Go on avaunt. Get thee hence. Bog off back to thither never to come hither agane . Right for any of you buggers still here . . . You'll have to come back later coz I'm off for an 'uge dump.
8:15:18 PM