Saturday, March 10, 2001
Well, Dack has contacted me as to why I don't blog anymore. The answer is simple. I have a life that seems to be too busy as of late. :) But I guess I can fit in a blog. The cat goes for his appointment on tuesday, my husband and I have a dentist appointment on Wednesday, and I have another dentist appointment on Thursday. My parents haven't talked to me in over two weeks. I guess my sister and Monica are coming to Milwaukee to go to bridal shops (yes I am going). My husband and I got a good bonus in his check this month. :) On top of all that, I have been dizzy and it only seems to be getting worse, I went to my doctor before this happened and everything is fine, perfect.
You know what I don't understand? Parents wonder why their kids are so screwed up but then when you look at the situation, the parents don't care about the kids. They don't care where the kids go, they don't even care about what the kids do. If parents want to know they should look at themselves to blame first. Well, I have to get off my butt and get some housework done. So, I will try to blog more :)

Thursday, February 8, 2001
Well, I'd have to say that my husband and I's degus are so damn adorable. Sam, the youngest, does acrobats. He stands on top of the house and streches himself (Degus are oversized hamsters from Chile) and he climbs on top of the cage and then hangs by his feet and does a flip. He is so cute. His father Sugar/Daddy loves the wheel that is in the cage. He doesn't let Sam have the wheel. He runs and runs. Sam, though will occasionally tip over the wheel. Sam, also likes to take this big paper roll and move it, he also enjoys throwing it, (trust me it is a very large paper, thick heavy paper roll). The cat is another adventure as of late, I am worried about him. He has been going to the bathroom outside of his box, and I have no clue as to where he goes. He only plays with his toys when no one is looking. He is crabby but very lovable. He has been depressed because I refuse to let him into our bedroom where he has peed on our clothes (vinegar works well for all those who want to know how to get Cat pee out). Our fish well, our fish is adorable. He is a Betta and we have had him for about six months. He loves to play in the sink while we clean his cage. He is starting to devolp bald spots from rubbing on the plants so much. These are all of our pets and they are all male, so I am the only female in the house!

Monday, February 5, 2001
I don't want this to be a long blog but it might so please be patient. My sister sent an e-mail that to me was lies or half-truths or things that she had assumed (I don't know if she did, just guessing). The one thing she doesn't understand about who I am is that I tell people the way things are and I know I am not perfect and I sometimes can get a little mean but no one is perfect. So, the issues are down below. Let's get started.

1) First my sister (I can't post the e-mail she sent because it is too long but if you need more info, just e-mail me and it can be e-mailed), told me she was going to come up until Tuesday but was going to be there on Thursday. So basically, she told me to e-mail her times that I was available. I told her Monday was fine. She never e-mailed me back, never called me and it was very upsetting because I had a nice meal planned. (Can't remember what it was) I called her some things like a bitch and she was being too whining and too complaning. I meant that and that was how I felt/feel. I can't make her understand how much it hurts when your own sister doesn't fit in time to visit her sister but can fit in time to see her friends.

2) My sister says I dislike her boyfriend Todd. I may have said that but only because he has hurt her before. I don't know him and would give him a second chance if that would be okay. I care about my sister and don't like to see her getting hurt and naturally I am not going to like the guy but if she wants to spend the rest of her life with him I am willing to give him a second chance. And about her saying that I said that it was stupid to go back to him and to spend the rest of her life with him, once again I said it because he has hurt her three times before and I just care enough about her that I don't want her to make a mistake but if she is happy, then I wish her the best. Just because she stood up at my wedding also doesn't mean she supports me, she could have done it for reasons I don't know. My husband and I are very happy, we celebrated our first year anniversary together yesterday and we are more in love.

3) As for me being full of hatred and unfairness, that's not true. I admit that sometimes how that person has treated me will make me very angry but everything I say has been from the heart and how I feel, I have yet to find someone besides my husband to tell me how they feel and be honest with me. She says that she has been understanding and kind but I disagree. This e-mail she sent, she should have told ME about these issues. And if people were talking about me behind my back then she should have told them to talk to me. Honesty can sometimes be painful but it can be good. It makes a relationship stronger and I think that every relationship should have honesty.

4) Hurting my stepfather...a lie. My husband and I both agreed that my stepfather should sleep at his parents because we don't have a spare bed and we have a loveseat plus I do not want him to sleep on the same floor that the cat has peed on. His parents willingly said yes because we are all family and they had two extra rooms. His mom also made a wonderful breakfast for us. Also my husband's car had to be fixed while we were in Florida. About me not hugging him at the airport, I can't remember, I know I am scared of heights and boarding an airplane scares me. Plus my husband paid for food and drink at airport and gave him $20.00 to take us to the airport. Also if he has anything to say to us about the way he was treated then HE should talk to us.

5) My biological father...well I may have said some things but let's see...I have treated him just like he's treated me. I sent him a Christmas card and yet I didn't get a phone call or a card. I have tried and tried to talk to him but he doesn't care. He has yet to respond, I tried being nice, I tried being mean. I guess he doesn't care. Oh and Bethany, Jesse doesn't see us as her sisters, we are just people that her Daddy knows. Personally I think it is too late for him and I but again if he has a problem with me then it should be his place to talk to me.

6) My grandfather when he had a heart attack. My mother told me that I wasn't needed and I told her if things got worse in a couple of days I would drive up there. I was crying and shaken up by it. My husband was my rock during the whole time. I also went up and visited him at the end of July. I've also asked all my friends to pray for him and every night I prayed to God praying that he would keep him safe. She says her family is important to her but where was she when she was suppose to visit me?

7) About me and the Christmas name exchange. I had no problem giving my cousin money. What I had a problem with is about two weeks had past and I had never received anything from the cousin that had picked my name. I told my Aunt Carole that if my family wasn't going to acknowledge my existince then next year, I wanted no part. And if my Aunt Carole has something to say to me, she should say it to my face. Also the cousin that had my name everything has been resolved.

8) The definition of Family- Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place. I treat my family like they treat me and I've been blunt with my friends and they have been understanding and it was an issue and we talked about it. My friends understand me and they understand how I work. I think my family should too. I don't hurt my friends, I am honest with them about how I see them and how I feel. I feel that if they want to tell me the same thing, I will think about it and then respond to it.

Sorry this was so long but I don't feel I treat people like crap and if that is how she takes my honesty as a bad thing, I can't do much. I am not perfect but human and like people I make mistakes and sometimes I can be too mean but when I say something I don't take it back because that is me and that is how I feel.

Saturday, February 03, 2001
The one thing people don't understand about me is that I tell the hardcore truth and if I think someone is being a bitch I am going to tell them that. I have yet to find a person that can see the other side of me other than my husband and my good friend Mark. Mark doesn't hate me, I don't think he has a bone like that in his body. I am just very insecure around people due to how many people have let me down but Mark and my husband are the two people who I can say and Dan (who doesn't have a computer at the moment, I think) who I can say are my close friends. Monica and I are working things out, I think.

With the recent economic situation with the country, my husband and I decided to stay in Wisconsin for a year simply due to a few factors. Like my grandfather. I am hoping to make a trip up there, if my husband and I have the resources. I do apologize Dack, will send out picture right now and if it looks like shit I can only apologize with a recent e-mail I have read from my sister, I can't but feel hurt because it was all lies and she didn't have to answer mean, but she can act that way if she chooses.

Well, my husband and I's anniversary is coming up tomorrow. One year of being married and two of being together. I love him with all my heart and am glad that he is my best and my lover and that he will be in my life forever.

Thursday, January 18, 2001
I haven't written in awhile and there is a very good explanation, I've been busy. I last wrote on my husband's b-day, the day before that my husband and I at five am took his parents to the airport. We took care of their dog, Peanuts for three weeks. And between that, I was running back and forth spending time with our pets and their dog. On top of that I was trying hard to clean and prepare my plan for the late Christmas party that we were going to have (Jan 13) because his parents were going to be gone for Christmas. My husband of course had to work New Year Eve's. So, I spent it by myself playing the Sims. Trust me, it was not all play.

These last two weeks, My husband and I have been taking ourselves to the doctors, the cat to the vet and me to the dentist. We got to the dentist and I wasn't on my husband's dental card because when his work changed policies they had made me his child instead of his wife. Go figure. But trust me it may seem like it is nothing but my husband and I are working on details for our move to Florida. Plus I have been trying to keep up with my one friendship but I think Mark hates me.

I really have to go to bed so I am going to last apologize to Dack for not sending him an e-mail write away, on top of everything that I have to do, I have to find a decent photo of myself so he can have one. So, Dack, I apologize and I will hopefully get to that in a week if not sooner.

Saturday, December 23, 2000
I apologize to Dack for not responding to his e-mail but there is a good reason (s) for that. My grandfather seems to be doing worse he is really depressed and he is getting weaker. My sister and I are still fighting, I defended my mom and I am going to fucking kill those people downstairs! Anyway...my mom thinks I should apologize for my sister, I have no reason to, I am not a doormat, I am her sister and she should treat me like one. Second of all I haven't had any sleep in the last two days. my husband and I took his parents to the airport so they can take their vacation in Nevada. This morning at six-thirty, I hear this strange noise I thought it was (I am not a morning person and six-thirty is too early for me) the fridge and I heard a cop saying something through a bull horn but I just rolled over and tried to sleep, my husband wakes up and he goes to inspect the noise (a typical man but he is beyond typical he is extraoridnairy) well, it turned out to be a fire alarm for the whole builiding. Fire man were banging on the doors. They wouldn't let us take our pets, we were supposed to just leave...how nice. We went to his parents for twenty minutes. I tell you though it was -35 degrees below zero, my husband and I had clothes on but no socks. Don't know the cause of the fire but this builiding has burned down like ten years before. It was an apartment on the first floor (husband and I are on the third floor) opposite side of the builiding. To make matters worse they sprayed some cherry crap that stinks much worse than that burned smell. So, know that you know what I've been doing (still haven't finished Christmas cards but will soon) you understand. So, I've also been sick. So, there...now if I haven't written you, you know why!

Sunday, December 10, 2000
Tonight I've never been so sure that my husband who has been so patient that he is the one. I may yell at him but he shouldn't take it personally because I am just so scared that I am not going to accomplish my dreams. I have so many and even though he's by my side it is still scary because it seems as if nothing goes right or the way I want it. My parents talk about me behind my back and they have this thing where they don't seem to believe in me but I guess I believe in myself and that seems to be enough.

God has a reason for everything. Maybe he's trying to send me a message and I am just not listening close enough. I've always had strength just not courage.

Tuesday, December 05, 2000
I am sorry if i haven't writtne in awhile. I've just been depressed. I feel like there is this emptiness or this hole that just seems to burn. I am sure that if anyone lifted my heart to their ear they would most likely hear the ocean. Sometimes I just wonder if there is such thing as a love that time would lie down and be still for. I just want someone to tell me that everything is going to be all right that everything will be fine because I feel like I am slowly drowing and I can't do anything to stop it.

This is how life is and has always been for me, depressing. I think I am going to go and make myself feel worse-fill out a job aplication for Pick 'N Save.

Saturday, December 02, 2000
As I sit here almost asleep, listening to Bryan White (for those people who do not listen to what I do, it is Country, yes I listen to it.) singing about love and not believing that it is true, it is exactly how I think. My husband Bill is the most wonderful part of my life. I told someone tonight that if it weren't for him, I wouldn't get out of bed much less take a shower. I've never had anyone tell me I was beautiful and sexy (not that I believe it) until he came along. If you want a picture just e-mail me. Maybe you guys can convince me! Anyway...I always thought that I was going to spend the rest of my life fighting for everything and alone. I am still fighting but now I have someone by my side and it actually feels good to run to someone when I need someone to hold me close.

I guess dreams can come true!

what are you listening to right now?
LeAnn Womack is sitting in my cd player right now, along with Terri Clark and Deana Carter.

what was the last movie you saw?
Miss Congeniality was a very funny movie. I really recommend this movie. However, don't spend your money and see Castaway. It is not worth it at all.

which books do you recommend to read?
Hmm, I am reading well supposed to be reading about ten books but they are mainly by Nora Roberts and Anne Rice and some other authors that I've never heard of.

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