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Pissed at myself.
Mindy :: 2:07 AM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
I just got back from taking a 30 minute drive. My parents didn't even notice I was gone. If they would have, they would have freaked and grounded me for life. But here I am. I thought things out and I've calmed down but I'm still upset and my eyes are all puffy. I just want to crawl in my bed and never get back up.
Mindy :: 10:48 PM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
What a piece of shit day. Seriously. I am in the worst mood. Upset more than anything. And my back hurts like nobody's business. Work blew asshole. I felt like I was there for days. It went by so slow. I guess it sucked so much because I arrived in a crappy mood so it made everything go down hill.
The worst part was when I got home. My mom and dad sensed something was wrong. Anyway, I didn't say much to them, I just went in my room and talked to no one. My mom comes down asking what was wrong. She was nice about it and at first I thought she really cared (which is rare). Then I tried to mention how I want a later curfew because it has been bugging me all week. I am sick of coming home after work and my parents telling me I can't leave. They think that once the sun starts to go down, I shouldn't be out at all. They think 6PM is late and I shouldn't be out "wandering the streets." Anyway, I told her that I am sick of this and I am trying to juggle too much here and I want to be able to spend time with friends. Suddenly her sympathetic mood turned sour and she started laughing at me and saying "Oh bullshit" over and over again. I just turned around and focused on the computer screen. That killed me. She NEVER fucking takes me seriously and I am so fucking sick of it. It hurts so much. My entire life my mother has never fucking cared or gave a damn about me. It seems that way, anyway. And it pisses me off that she can't see I have never been more serious in my life. Yeah, a curfew might not seem like a big deal but it's more than that. It's everything I say to my parents. It's everything that I say and they think it's a joke. So I come home, lock myself in my room, and leave it at that. I don't talk to them anymore and I try and avoid them at all costs. They don't trust me or respect me at all. I have never done anything to make them lose all respect in me or lose all trust in me but yet, they still don't like anything I do. And that's the fucked up thing. I don't DO anything because they won't let me.
For the past week and a half I have been coming home and just sitting here crying because I can't stand it anymore and I am not sure how to handle it. So I just cry. How the hell can you not let your children experience life when you have them on a two foot leash? This pisses me off more than anything.
Mindy :: 9:43 PM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
Ugh I am getting sick of this. New layout VERY soon, hopefully.
Mindy :: 3:29 PM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
Hi. Once again, I have slept in way too late. I'll hear the alarm clock and just turn it off. It's ok, I don't have to be in to work until four but I wanted to run and do a lot of other things today. Now I just don't have the time. And as much as I need to get out of the house and do something, I am not looking forward to work. I know I will be feeling down and shitty the entire time I am there.
My cam is really starting to crap out on me. For some reason, the right side of it always goes blurry to the point where you can't see anything. I am going to have to use old pics for now until I get a new one. So bare with me.
I am going to go now and get in the shower and then hopefully I can get some things done after that. So here are some links you can check out and play with and love and just.... like. :) &one &two &three &four.
Mindy :: 2:29 PM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
I just got back from Mike's about 40 minutes ago. I had a good time except for the fact that I am an emotional idiot. We won't get into that....
Anyway.... ::blanks:: I have things I wanna say but I am not sure if I should. I dunno, it's just the way I am feeling now. But I am happy for the most part and I thank you. :)
I've made a simple little layout for the naked blog which I will get up soon. To everyone who I am making layouts for, I am sorry it is taking me so long. I've gotten pretty busy lately. :/
Something keeps playing through my mind. It's something I thought I would never really think of before. Well, I take that back. I knew it would come one day. But I don't know if thinking about it NOW, at the age of 18, is something I should be doing. I feel... guilty?? It's too soon.... ? Maybe? I dunno. All I know is that if you asked any other 18 year old this, they would ask you first if you were smoking the CHRONIC crack and second if you were seeing a doctor for your mental problems. I've just confused all of ya'll so.... neeeevermind!
Ok! I am going to bed now. I am not sure what I will have to do tomorrow but all I know is that I plan on running some more and I need to have a little chat with my parents. Wish me luck.
Goodnight.
Mindy :: 12:48 AM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
My God did I sleep in late today!
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD! :D
Mindy :: 4:14 PM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
Hi all! Got back from an awesome night! Went and ate at Old Chicago with Markuhl, Brent, Lee, Dustin, Dustin, Richard, Cassie, and Mike. We had a good ol' time! We ate then went back to Mike's. Then later on we went to 7-11 because I needed a damn slurpee. BAD! And a cookie. :D By then I was way full so we went back to Mike's, hung out a bit, then all went to Blackjack because Geoff and Jarrod wanted pizza. Then I came home. Brent was tickling me really hard. Oh my God, I make the weirdest noises when I am being tickled. I couldn't breathe. Thank you. ;-) It was fun.
Everyone in town is buying their homecoming dresses. When I was at the mall with Lee there was this little freshman girl (with a REALLY bad perm, might I add) screaming in the fitting room. "MOMMMMY! Where's my zipper??!?!!" ....... right. See, I would never buy my homecoming dress or prom dress or ANY dress for a big dance here in Greeley. Everyone would be wearing the same thing! For prom I ordered mine offline. I know you're probably thinking that was a bad idea but it actually wasn't. I got fitted and then I sent the company my measurements and then they sent me the dress. No one else had anything that looked like it. So I was happy and didn't worry about running into someone with the same look as me. Even my hair was different. My God, prom was the best! :D
Ok, off for now. Tired am I. Buhhhhh.
Mindy :: 12:54 AM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
Got back from the mall but I only got a tee. :( Oh well, I have something I can wear tonight. There is a storm coming so I don't want to freeze my ass off. No skirt.
Alrighty, shower time later!
Mindy :: 2:51 PM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
Goooooooooooood morning! Actually, good afternoon. This chica slept in late. I stayed online last night watching Brent live on cam, chatting with him using my mic, and watching fun videos he made. :D:D Yesterday he made a short little 10 second video of Markelle running around like an ass in the store with a mask on. Oh God Markelle, please put that on your site!
I am going to get off now and start getting ready for tonight. WOOHOO! All of us are going out to eat and hang out and have a good time! Rock the casbah! Can't wait. I need to find something to wear. If nothing works I was going to go to the mall and get a new outfit. ::shrugs::
Alrighty, out of here!
Mindy :: 12:29 PM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
Hello. Just got back from Mike's. What an interesting night. Markelle, Adrian, Brent, and I went to the food market and bought the WEIRDEST stuff. Markelle got this god awful mask and a lot of weird ass food. I did too. I got TopoChico drink (??) and some swiss cheese and some cup cakes. Oh, and Funyuns. My God, do I love Funyuns. Don't ask, I just picked up stuff. :D Anyway, it was a nice night.
I am really excited for tomorrow! We will have so much fun! All of us are going out to eat at Old Chicago. I want to bring my camera really bad so I think I might. It will rock! Excited! :D:D
Anyway, I am off to talk to Brent live now through AIM. Later!
Mindy :: 11:12 PM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
Hung out with Brent and I even tried to pathetically mow the yard. I really messed it all up. :D Anyway, now I am at home, waiting for Brent to get off work so maybe everyone can do something. Bored.
Mindy :: 4:59 PM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
Off to shower, get ready, and then hang out with Brent. I am excited about tomorrow, I think we are all going out to eat somewhere and just have a good time. :)
Mindy :: 1:06 PM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
Well, looks like my computer, webcam, and everything else is dying. ::sigh:: This sucks the big one.
Mindy :: 1:08 AM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
Shots lately:
 
 
 
Bye!
Mindy :: 7:45 PM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
How awesome. Markelle and I went shopping. I got oranges, bananas, strawberries, raspberries, blackberries, apples, peaches, and radishes. I bought Markelle some broccoli and some Top Ramen ::gags::
Anyway, going to hang with Brent later. Bye!
Mindy :: 6:56 PM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
That's fucking it! I am removing the FFLAP page and this is the last time I am going to tell you bastards that I am NOT LINKING ANYMORE PEOPLE ON MY INDEX PAGE! This shit is getting out of control. Today this fucked up idiot wrote me all butt hurt because his link was removed from the links page I had. Excuse me, asshole. It's a CGI script and everytime it reaches 100, it starts to reset itself. His link was old so naturally it disappeared when newer ones were added. The dumbfuck writes me all sad it wasn't there anymore and then proceeds to tell me that he has me linked, THEREFORE, I need to link him on my index page. I replied nicely telling his ass that I don't do that. I only link to sites that I personally enjoy on my index page. He writes me back with this bullshit:
"you know I cant stand some of you cam girls. First you are all about the hits then when you get them you act like that's not what I want. u and everyone else on this dam internet know its all about the hits."
I am not fucking about hits you moron. In fact, I could careless how many people come here everyday. I made this site for ME and I am sick of mother fucking idiots like you coming here and expecting me to make you into a goddamn internet celebrity. It isn't going to happen. And being a "cam girl" automatically classifies me as someone who needs hits, won't share hits, and makes my world evolve AROUND hits?? You've GOT to be fucking KIDDING ME!
"if you don't want to be bothered and don't care about the hits, then get the hell off the web."
I don't care about hits but I am not about to leave the web because of it. Talk about hit whore.... you have to keep bothering me to plug your pathetic ass. I recall you emailing me before.... "when is my link going up? When are you going to plug me? I plugged you, fair is fair!" Excuse me asshole but if you are as popular as you say you are, me linking to do isn't going to make a damn difference now is it? So why can't you go harass other "cam girls" who can make you popular?
"im sorry but im tired of all you snobs!!!!!"
Yeah well I'm tired of fucktards like you who think by bringing traffic to your site from a CAM GIRL'S site will make you popular. Think about it.... you think we're all snobs, right? Then why the flying fuck would you want our visitors? Makes a whole hell of a lot of sense to me.... yeah! And it isn't just "cam girls" that get shit like this. Anyone with a remotely popular site, whether it be E/N, personal, cam related, etc. gets morons like you emailing them 24/7, begging and pleading with them.... trying to get them to bring you up to their "level." God, you're pathetic.
So to Mr. Orlando, quit bugging "cam girls" for hits and quit thinking that by being plugged by the girlies with cams that you will become some giant internet pimp or celebrity. It doesn't work that way. WORK for your fucking hits, don't expect everyone to give them to you. Asshole.
On the otherhand, there have been a lot of nice people about it too. I explained to someone who also wrote me asking to be linked that I didn't do that anymore and they completely understood:
"im not pissed at all- hope it didnt come off like that, and sorry if it did. i understand completely, it's *your* website, and you alone decide if you feel like linking someone and what is put on your space. i hope your site slowly develops into something that'll make you happy again"
Thank you VERY much. People like this who understand why you do what you do is much appreciated. And yes, I am trying to turn this site into something that WILL make me happy again but it's hard when assholes like the one I was bitching about earlier turn it into a fucking job for you.
Enough ranting for me. Off to the store.
Mindy :: 5:49 PM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
Eeeeeh, my FFALP pulled something weird on me. If you submitted and your link hasn't shown up yet, feel free to submit again. I am getting a lot of people submitting links more than once. Easy, please.
My dad recently found out about my website and he's not pissed but he isn't too happy with what I do and say on here. He doesn't like me cussing. For my father, I am going to try and ease up on my filthy language. But pardon any of the following: damn, shit, ass, bitch, or maybe a fuck or two. I will try and make it a little cleaner.
Mindy :: 3:58 PM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
Wow, a lot of changes happening. I am about to open a private/public diary on 5ilver. Maybe. More word on that later about what exactly it is and who can and can't see it. Maybe I will get a few more hostees (don't email me yet about that). I want a UBB but I am still debating it. I am not sure if I have enough room. And I have the new layout done and ready for revealing. Actually, I lied. One more thing to finish and it will be done. Hopefully this week or next week it will be up.
Mindy :: 3:12 PM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
I might consider hosting people again. Looks like I have some space opening up on 5ilver soon. I will announce it later so please don't email me asking if you can be hosted here just yet.
I guess lately I figured out what I want to do with me. Yes, me. I was never happy with myself and I have made up my mind. I am going to start eating healthy. It's not like I sit at home everyday and pig out on complete junk food but I have noticed that everyday I go and eat fast food after I get off work. It's an easy solution, get something already made. Or I will come home and my mom will have fixed something loaded with calories, cholesterol, etc. I am cutting back. Why I am posting this, I don't know. Maybe I will feel more obligated to watch myself knowing I posted this big ol' thing or something. ::shrugs:: I am not going on a damn diet. They don't work. I'm going to start exercising more and eating right, which everyone really needs to do. I love exercising. Honestly love it. But I got out of that loop when I stopped with sports. Time to get used to it again. I just ran non stop for an hour. I started off hurting but I'm fine now. I was born to run. I should have joined track when everyone asked me to. But I ran for an hour then stopped and did sit ups, crunches, jumping jacks, everything you can think of. I feel a lot better and I don't actually feel sick anymore! My dizziness went away and my head has cleared up! I'm following in your footsteps, love. No more soda for me. Every once in a while I will crack and have a Dr. Pepper but I am seriously going to watch myself. No more McDonald's if I can help it. No more Wendy's if I can help it. And Jesus, this is going to kill me. All my friends reading this.... get ready for the scare of your life. ::breathes:: And no more TACO BELL! Ack shit, I can't believe I just said that! My next goal, no more chocolate. :P
Anyway, I've decided I am going to do this because yeah, I don't like the way I look. I don't think I am fat but I am not in shape anymore and I enjoyed being fit and toned and muscular. Now I'm just like.... blah.
So there is my "resolution," I guess you could say. I'm going to stick to it. I have enough will power to give others so I know I won't die from not having fast food or from trying to get my ass up to run. I can definitely do it. No problem. It will just be different for a while. I wish my parents wouldn't have sold my damn BowFlex. :( God could that thing work your legs!
Mindy :: 2:58 PM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
Hey people. I didn't go into work today, I felt so awful. So I am home today resting and stuck in front of the TV. I am going to watch some movies, no more news for me.
If I have time, I also might mess around with new cam software and make it streaming so you can actually see me moving around. I dunno though, something is wrong with my 3COM, it is really starting to jack itself up. So I added an Intel Pocket PC to my wishlist. ::crosses fingers:: I dunno, I just need to find the best cam. Right now it always sucks because right in front of my face and computer I have windows covered by maroon/pink blinds so the light coming through always gives stuff a pink tone.
Ok, I don't think I am going to stay online much longer. My headache is coming back. See ya later.
Mindy :: 12:54 PM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
I am in such an awful mood. And it's actually not because of the recent events in America. It's just stupid little things that happened today. And yes, they are stupid and I am getting upset over them. Not cool at all. Errrr, I want to say what they are but this is something I want on the web, sorry. Even I keep a lot of things to myself and tell absolutely NO ONE.
I'm sad when I think about tomorrow. I go to work at nine tomorrow morning. Not sure how long I'm working but then I will come home and I am going to be running and dancing my ass off. I have a lot of energy to release. Negative and positive. That is the only thing I am looking forward to about tomorrow. That and seeing Brent after he gets off his long work day at Blackjack.
I opened my mailbox and got at least 20 chainletters dealing with "pray for the families" and a whole lot of people asking me to post stuff on my blog. I hate to be rude but guys, people know to pray and people know what's going on. You don't need this domain to spread a word that has already been spread. Trust me. So easy on the "pass this on" stuff. It's everywhere else. Being on here isn't going to change anything. :/ I know it sounds harsh but please read the post at Xeres with the title "let's clear up the picture a little..." He feels the same way and worded it a little bit better than I did. If you guys want to help or make a difference, don't send chainletters or make cliques to join or fucking design with PICTURES of the tragedy. Get out there and give blood or something.
Close to midnight and I am off soon to bed. I haven't been sleeping since the beginning of this week and it's killing me. And randomness for ya - I REALLY need to go get some fitted Silver jeans now. I want some that cover the back of my shoes. I have never really had jeans like that. They're all too short.
Alrighty. Off to bed I go. But I won't be sleeping. I will be thinking about you and hearing 50 firetrucks and police cars outside in the distance.
I want to have a dream about winning the lotto. Actually, scratch that. I don't because then I will wake up sad. :P
Mindy :: 11:49 PM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
I've been reading everyone's blog this morning and last night. A lot of people are dealing with their problems pretty well. Some write, some talk to their friends, some just get out and leave. I think I am going to do what she is and make tomorrow just a running/exercise day. That is one thing I miss about cheerleading and volleyball.... how hard they pushed us into working out.
Brent is coming over soon and I think we are just going to go somewhere and talk. I want to get out of this room.
When I have time I will update the Ask Mindy section and perhaps, just perhaps, get the new layout up. :) Not sure when I will get the time, though.
Mindy :: 12:53 PM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
I slept in today, got pretty sick, and feel awful. Oh my head....
Nothing for today. Going to work, coming home, resting, that's all.
::sigh::
Mindy :: 11:53 AM :: xoxo :: book :: LIVE CAM!
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