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Hello. My name is Dinah Sanders. I'm a web geek. I like it that way.


Dinah's Blog*

Tuesday, September 18, 2001    A wistful little Vangelis song just started playing on the stereo ("La Petite Fille de la Mer") and rather than go immediately to bed as I was about to, I'm sitting listening to it.

I am an optimist, a dreamer of dreamy dreams. This is by and large a very good thing, but this year I've become aware of my tendency to do that in romantic relationships. It's good to have hope & wishes & see the potential for something excellent. However, when you (by which I mean I) start paying more attention to the dream than to the reality, disappointment is the only likely outcome.

I'm a very loving person. Even before the events of September 11th made me examine my priorities, I knew that I wanted to be spending more of my time showing love, feeling love. I'm not just speaking of romance here. I want my day-to-day life to include more time devoted to spreading happiness, to celebrating people, to being kind. I miss the simple little kindnesses I was able to render when I had my bookstore, when I worked the door at F/X: the Club. I don't want to go back to retail - I'm not that much of a Pollyanna - but I do want to connect with more people. At least I'm walking down the street smiling more often than I've done in years, but it's not yet enough.

And, yes, this loving, caring urge is romantic too. Impossible to deny that. I really do want to give that love to someone special and get it back from him. That partnership is something I really wish for in my life. Unfortunately, it's not the sort of thing you can push to happen. There have been those who were drawn to me, but with whom I didn't feel that certain ineffable something. And vice versa of course. It's almost impossible to define what makes the heart go bump, but I know it when I feel it and it's not an unattainable rarity. I date and the guys are nice, there's potential there, perhaps after time goes by we'll figure out if there's true compatibility, and I don't want to do anything to mess up that possibility, so the dreams go on the back burner. Getting a little better at that now. Learning a bit of keeping my cool - admittedly a very warm sort of cool - and keeping my wits about me. Yeah, I'm doin' ok.

'Well, ok, except I hear Marion the Librarian again, singing:

Knee-deep in love--what a lovely dream!
And yet, somehow,
Me deep in love's only half of what I'm longing for now.
I still love my being in love with someone,
But tell me, why couldn't there be
Somebody being in love with me?

*sigh* I fear changing my tune to "Hey, you've got to hide your love away". I wouldn't be the same Dinah if I did, but would I stand a better chance of feeling more completeness in my life?

I talked this over with my folks this past weekend and, after a certain amount of fretting over my longing for a good long-term relationship, I said "It's not surprising that I feel the lack of someone there to shower me with affection given the loving and supportive childhood I had both at home and at school." They said "Well, of course; if you're born in Hawaii, it's tough to move to Wyoming." I guess if kind words & hugs & kisses are rain, I'm definitely a tropical flower.

+12:14 AM+


Monday, September 17, 2001    Lots of distractions lately, but interested persons shouldn't forget to register for SXSW before the evening of the 21st when the prices go up. I decided to go for film & interactive this time.
+12:09 PM+


   Vikram Singh sent me a corrected copy of his excellent essay from over the weekend and have updated it below. Do take a moment to read it if you didn't already take the time.
+10:54 AM+


   Interesting essays on recent events:

  • "Terrorism has always fed off its response" from The Times, U.K.
  • "The high price of disengagement" from SF Gate
  • "Body counts and head counts" by one of my favorite columnists, Jon Carroll, from SF Gate
  • [thanks to Larry for the links]

    Two very different takes on fleeing the WTC illustrating why, given a choice between the two, your time will usually be better spent reading Salon than SF Gate:

  • "A FAMILY SHATTERED: Man escapes tower to face second tragedy, sister, niece aboard jet that crashed" from SF Gate
  • "Running against the grain: A survivor's tale" from Salon
  • [thanks to Mike for pointing these out]

    And finally a quote, via Larry,
          "You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake." --Jeanette Rankin
    +10:31 AM+


    Friday, September 14, 2001    This essay by Vickram Singh was just forwarded to me by my friend B.J. after he received it from his friend Neil who is a co-worker of Vickram's. It is such a clear statement of what the United States must consider in choosing its response to the events of Tuesday that I have chosen to reproduce it here in its entirety:

    From: Vikram Singh
    Subject: Living with Terror I, the Sermon
    Date: Thu, 13 Sep 2001 00:15:43

    Dear Friends and Loved Ones,

    This was intended to be a wrap up of views and experiences during --- and a discussion of my disappointment with --- the World Conference Against Racism in Durban, South Africa. I went to Durban with the International Centre for Ethnic Studies and also reported on the conference for the Voice of America. I returned to Sri Lanka just hours before the attacks in New York and Washington.

    I begin this message in Sri Lanka's nightly blackout, three hour cuts due to a drought that starves the island's hydropower. I am sweating on the keys a little; the mosquitoes annoy me; the flame of the candle feels hot on one cheek. And I am feeling worse than I've felt in years.

    Like so many of you, I cannot describe the sensation of watching the second 767 strike the World Trade Center, of seeing a structure that seemed as permanent as the earth itself collapse into oblivion. The feeling that floats to the top must be despair. Living myself in a world of terror and reprisal (though we are far from the radar screens of the world), I also feel despair at the surge of bloodlust on the networks and the calls for vengeance from people, politicians, and the media.

    Recent attacks on the US have been called evil acts of madmen. Oklahoma City, the Embassies in Africa, the USS Cole, all seen as acts of irrational evil. Evil they are. Nothing else can describe such brutal massacres, such wanton destruction. They are not, however, acts of madmen. None of them. The danger of such rhetoric should not be underestimated.

    In my few years in Sri Lanka, I have seen dozens of brutal terrorist attacks, the most shocking and brazen the recent destruction of 12 civilian and military aircraft on the tarmac at the international airport. I have walked among the dead and reported the carnage. The evil of terrorism touches countries worldwide. War and insurgency have killed over 120000 Sri Lankans in the last 18 years and left a million displaced. The population of the island is only 18 million. Most terrorist attacks here strike the cities and kill innocent civilians. The government often retaliates with military operations and air strikes.

    In this setting, the rebels are the "terrorists" and government retaliation is justified and celebrated by much of the general public in government held areas. Such attacks are supported by the international community as the defense of a sovereign nation in a state of war.

    But reprisals can never stop the terrorist attacks. Every time a military operation claims an innocent son or daughter or parent or sibling, another terrorist --- or freedom fighter --- is born. The cycle is perpetual. Security can only be flawed; retaliation, however effective, can only contribute to more violence.

    Sri Lanka is a gauntlet of military and police checkpoints. Vehicles are inspected going into shopping malls. You have to reach the airport 3 hours in advance and pass through multiple checks and searches, multiple x-rays, and at least one hand search of all baggage. The bombings continue. The airport remained vulnerable. Security is omnipresent and it is naturally discriminatory, often profiling people of the same ethnic community as the rebels. Checkpoints and searches do not make you feel safe. Because the underlying causes of the violence are not fully addressed, the attacks continue.

    Undoubtedly, the attacks on New York and Washington can be attributed to sloppy security at many airports and twin failures by American intelligence and by American defense forces. Security must be tightened and the citizens will have to accept the restrictions for their own safety.

    But in America, too, increased security cannot stop terror attacks. A single individual willing to die for a cause is virtually unstoppable. The fabric that holds diverse societies together is an uncompromising defense of individual rights and civil liberties. Security arrangements can prove dangerous if they target or harm specific segments of a population, thus driving people to extremism. Retaliation, unless surgically precise, will always create a mushroom affect---new men and women willing to die if their loved ones are slaughtered. We see it now in America: Thousands would die to exact vengeance on those responsible for Tuesday's attacks.

    But we are doomed to an ongoing cycle of terror unless the struggle Americans are willing to die for is one for justice --- not revenge.

    Fighting evil can only succeed if the approach to it is sophisticated and profound. It must be rooted in the most difficult strictures of the scriptures of the major religions and the deepest springs of the human heart. It must be rooted in forgiveness. Force must be tempered by understanding; punitive action complemented by positive action.

    Around the roots of many terrorist organizations there often lies a thick layer of legitimate grievances from which violence drew its nutrients. This is true of the IRA, the LTTE in Sri Lanka, the PLO, the Kosovar Liberation Army, and many others. South Africa's ANC spent generations as a "terrorist" organization. Many vicious forces in world were equipped by major powers, including the United States (think of the Taliban itself and the Contras).

    In Hollywood, attacks like those in New York and Washington are the designs of madmen bent on wealth and/or power. They are thwarted by mythic heros in the form of Harrison Ford or Arnold Schwarzenegger. The movie stars didn't appear on Tuesday to save the day. Similarly, there were no madmen. Acts of war like these are rooted in strategy; the evil of real life terrorism is based on concrete beliefs and serious efforts to advance those beliefs, often through evil actions.

    To fight these forces --- who also believe they are fighting for justice --- countries must answer questions of who and how. They must also look beyond to questions of why. The U.S. needs to ask and seriously try to answer these difficult questions: Why do these people hate us enough to do such horrible things? What will the cost of our retaliation be and how can it be just and accurate? The suspects in these cases are not after mere wealth and power. While retribution is necessary, the cost of that retribution must be estimated. Nations can easily slip into an endless spiral of carnage like that engulfing Israel and Palestine, like Sri Lanka, like so many devastated places on earth.

    I despair for the victims in New York and Washington and Pennsylvania, for their families, and I dread learning of the friends I too must have lost yesterday. I send my wishes to the rescue workers and hope the preservation of life remains on the top of everyone's mind. I despair for a world in which understanding and empathy are victims of political and economic convenience and for leaders around the world who do not --- perhaps cannot --- realize the possible results of their actions.

    I just returned from an international forum from which the US withdrew. America cannot remain separate from the global community; it must realize that in order to have global support---against terrorism and for many other global concerns---it must at least participate in global processes. It must openly defend its beliefs and interests and attempt to build consensus for its positions. Its positions must be debated inside and outside of the country. It must empathize and attempt to understand the concerns and beliefs of other states and other groups of people. The withdrawal from Kyoto, plans for missile defense, refusing to sign biological weapons and land mine agreements, rejecting an international criminal court, all of these cannot be seen as disconnected from the future of US security. Though I have strong opinions on all of these, I am not passing judgement on American positions here. I am saying that such decisions cannot be taken as if the US exists in a disconnected world.

    The United States remains a great source of hope for the concept of mutual accommodation and tolerance. With many hiccups, we Americans generally live together in tolerance and even celebration of diversity. We allow all people the pursuit of happiness. The people of the United States generally reject the idea that any group of human beings is inherently evil, and American leaders should be careful that their words and actions not lead to America creating a 21st century evil empire. For once a population is deemed evil, with no hope of redemption, its members have little left to lose. Understanding becomes impossible. Violence becomes the only means of communication.

    As the United States chooses a path after Tuesday's tragic loss, may the leaders find the wisdom to seek out justice, not vengeance, and to take any retaliatory action with care. May Americans remember to keep one hand ready for positive action if the other is striking destruction. May we confront enemies with strength and with kindness and avoid today's global patterns in which one wrong makes a wrong makes a wrong makes a wrong. . .

    May we realize the need to re-engage the world. The stakes cannot be higher.

    Vikram Singh

    Colombo, Sri Lanka,
    September 12, 2001

    [if you reproduce or quote this, please be sure to credit Vikram. This version is the corrected text from him as of Sept. 15th]
    +1:40 PM+


       I, and I think many of us, have been sustained more by the personal accounts in weblogs and smaller sites than we have by the major news outlets. There have been incredible, tragic accounts; awe-inspiring, horrific images; and responsible, humane responses to this tragedy. I am so grateful to everyone who has taken the time to tell their stories and document this moment in human history.

    I hope that many people will turn off the t.v. and turn to the web to hear the real voices. I'm sure I'm not alone in wanting this, but we must realize what we're asking. Hosting is expensive and there will be some alarming bills coming due to these fine webfolk. I have made a donation to the Red Cross. Many people have. Rather than make a second donation I will be saving to help contribute to those who helped me comprehend and cope with the events of the week.

    [I was asked to read this again and think about what I was saying a bit more. Upon further consideration, I recognize that I am biased and viewing very selectively. Of course the web is going to have as much idiotic vitriol as any other medium. I was weighing the thoughtful, personal, web accounts against the talking heads on CNN etc. showing the same footage over and over and over and the headlines on the newspapers stirring up bloodlust. The former is no more "real" than the latter; I just like it better.

    It is exhausting and embarrassing to have friends who are far more rational, level-headed and critical thinkers than I am, but I wouldn't trade them for the unexamined life.]
    +11:52 AM+



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Tip: MetaGrrrl likes special characters (a.k.a. ISO Entities), but always forgets how to write them. Keeping that old Webmonkey link around is my only hope.

I used to be a web designer. I spent all day bouncing around in Dreamweaver and Photoshop, tweaking code & pixels and making sites.

Now I'm a "Director of Global Services". That means I help make process management-driven software projects happen. Now I spend all day in email and on the phone. I don't use Microsoft Project because I think it has very little to do with the way things really get done. I'm more of a process model kind of grrrl.

One side effect of this change is that my creative time seems to come in smaller chunks. I am less likely to undertake a project such as a web-based version of my former bookstore, Inkspot, and more likely to post short entries to my weblog many times throughout the day. This posts are less likely to be about the nitty-gritty of web design, Javascript & coding and more likely to be my opinions and observations of interesting ideas, resources and entertainments I've discovered.

An illustration of this principle is that it took me a year to transform this site to de-emphasize all those web design features which were gathering dust.

Here's what used to be more prominently featured on my site:

- The MetaGrrrl Proposal on Documentation of the Design Process in Online Environments.
This is an idea for a system to facilitate standards and consistency within websites, analogous to the design manuals/style guides used in the print industry. It is not a list of design rules to obey, but rather is a convenient framework on which to hang the decisions you have made for your site to help you (and your team and your successors) understand how the site should look and why. It seems a bit dated to me now, but still potentially useful, particularly the basic idea that every site should include a top-level meta folder which holds the shared files and design notes for the site. (As you might guess, that idea is what led to my assuming the nom du web "MetaGrrrl").

- Background information and resources on web design. Including an outline of the web design process, links to useful sites and an extensive bibliography.


Fun stuff (you know, silly pictures, ludicrous links, Random Synaptic Firings etc.) and some other old top-level content can still be found under Eclectica & Dinah.


You may write to Dinah @ this domain.

*Blog (noun) A weblog or similar brief journal usually containing links and commentary thereon. Term coined by http://www.peterme.com.
See http://www.blogger.com to start your own. Powered by Blogger



? webloggers ?


Except where otherwise noted all text is copyright 1998-2001 Dinah Sanders. Images are copyright of their original creators. MetaGrrrl logo and photos of Dinah are copyright 1998-2001 Dinah Sanders. Inkspot Books and the Inkspot logo have been Service Marks of Dinah Sanders since 1993. Publication (yes, including on the web) without express written permission prohibited.