i was scratching my stomach and i fogot there were cuts there and ow it kkinda hurts.
i like joe a lot.
i dont know.
i just really really like him. so so much.
i dont know if i love him. hes just. i dont know.
and hes so right when he said i play games.
because i do.
i should stop pushging people away?
it might be better for me.
so this is an entry taht i have to save for tommorrow to post okannsesss?????]
so uh. i wrote this yesterday, but OD was being retarded…so i just saved it and im posting it now…anyway.
so yeah. i've been on OD for a year today. and thats cool.
last night i was reading entries i had made a year ago and trying to read my whole diary but i only got to about april 27th and then i quit. because i realized i as only 2 months in after about 3 hours? which is just wrong.
and OD is wroking again, thats nice.
im a bitch. im not just realizing that, but i dunno. this is really upsetting.
i figured out today that the way my brain works is...i have to hurt people before they get the chance to hurt me? like joe. i dont know about this. or joe. or anythying anymore.
he makes me sad. he doesnt know he does, but he does. everytime i talk to him.
and my mom. im just bitchy to her by nature. because i know that we cant get threw the day without fighting, so before she can hurt me, i get her. like today. and yesterday, for some reason i was just really bitchy and had a bad attitude towards her.
i mean i came home from school, and she just gets on my case. and i went to my room, and it was clean. i dont think she understands. dont touch my room damnit. i can clean it, im not retarded...
so she freaked and shes like "FUCK YOU! JUST FUCK YOU!"
so i went to my room and slept for 4 hours.
what else. i woke up and everything was HAPPY LALA.
this morning i dont remember going downstairs. yeah i did. uh i woke up and i went downstairs and i was gonna do a collage.
started at 2:30
ended at 6:30.
i just couldnt think
my mom doesnt like how i talk to her.
ah ok. now on to joe.
i love joe so much.
i really dont know.
hes just. god i dont know...
but i was making him mad. or something. earlier he got on and didnt IM me. because i was. mad he thought and he didnt wanna bother me. which is bull shit. but ok.
and he got on around. 10:30 and asked me if i wanted to talk 5 minutes after he got on. and i said i didnt know and he asked me if i hated him and i said i didnt know.
then we were talking and you know how i was saying i hurt people before they can hurt me? well yeah. im afraid of joe hurting me like brad did.
so im always trying to get him not to like me. and he said something about how he was a liar? and i said "you suck if your a liar joe..." and he blocked me and came back and said he was sorry.
then i said all this other shit. and he said "stop amanda.......dont play this game"
and his so fucking right. because thats ALL i do. i lay games to make people NOT like me. in the end theyre just gonna break me down. you know?
so i started saying sorry and how i was a bitch and he sayyys "stop it thats not true. i care about you so much i love you stop it"
and i dont know. i couldnt.
then we just talked.
and then his mom made me leave.
im sad. i dont know. my freaky anger saddness has just gotten worse over the last 2 weeks. no really, im losing it.
i have an essay due monday, i wrote one paragraph. do one more tonight, and the rest tommorrow.
so i've been here a year, and thats pretty damn cool. dont read my old entries, theyre fucking pathetic. no, really. beleive me. ill try to answer notes tonight, if OD cooperates.
i wish i could delete my old entriessss theyre just retarded. i've changed so much in a year? i wish i had this diary in 6th grade. thatd just be so crazy...
oh yeah. we’re suppose to be getting this MONSTER STORRRRRRRRMMMMM starting like tomorrow and lasting for 3 or 4 dayss!?!? thasthdf funny and we’re right in the area for getting a shitload of snow. because we always are. man i miss joe. so much.
sigh.
some people should just shut up and note say things. john berry, is an ass.
SEE! I HAVE A DETENTION NOW. i guess. unless mom finds some way to getme out of it but i dont think thats possible. my school sucks. but. SOMEONE! SOME FUCKING RETARD! DECIDED TO STRAL MY MOTHER FUCKING GYM SHIRT.......
why? why fucking bother. who the hell needs or wants an old grey ripped collar bitten t shirt. who? fuckers in my school.
so i had to sit out. and today we started...LACROSSSSSEEEE.....or however its spelt. gah. and they had to get in a group of 4 and throw the ball across the gym to eachother...so. john and his group were split. and courtney and her group of 3 cause i was out were also splitttt and across the gym.
and the balls start flying and hitting the wall right above my head. next to me. or theyd come towards me and id catch them.
so. that went on for 20 minutes. and whenever something did almost hit me. john would scream. and say "DONT HURT AMANDA! AMANDA ARE YOU OK!? AHHHH!"
it was bull shit. that kid. has something against me. but hes funny. and i wish he'd go away. and not look at me. and not say my name ingym class every frw minutes for the hell of it. cause HAHA! SAY AMANDA GAVAZZI SOMETHIN SOMETHIN
and people
will probably
lauuuuugh......
the other thing was they switched and all went on one side and chased the ball and then chucked it back. and they were hitting me to then. and john comes up "THANKS AMANDA! THANK YOU SO MUCH!"
because the balls would land next to me and id throw them back.
and hes just an ass. i dont know. uhg. just to embarrass me. thats the only reason amanda.
progress reports tomorrow
yay
collage uh
cailin was absent?
so.
the ceiling was leaking.
and cailin was replaced by TRASH CAN FRIEEEEEND mmmm...
yes i love my trash can friend. to death.
ow my back is paining.
she loved my collages. she freaked and showed everyone. i cried. because they suck.
i dont want a detention.
I DONT FUCKING DESERVE A DETENTION
its not my fault
some worthless piece of shit stole my shirt.
yessss my day was sucky and gayyy but whatever fuck it...
im like 80 notes from 5000 yayyyy i feel so speaciiaiaialal......on OD that is. im not posting this there. because im lazy too. yes. ow my back.
i think i broke my toe.
i need a new place to host my news blog
oh sigh.
my toe is purple and red and so cold.
i cant feel it or move it.
saddness.
we just finished watching sleepy hollow
good movie
very good movie.
this is an entry that i typed up in OD at a moment of crazy angerness. but by the time i was done typing it i had gotten basically everything i needed off my mind and it was poiintless to put it in my diary. i dont know why. it was judt........:
i know that a lot of times i make big deals out of things that are small. but we all do. i think i do it a lot though.
today sucks. i know that i dont belong in this house. i shouldnt live here. i should leave. its bad for me. im gonna grow up more fucked up then i already am.
living with my mom is insane. fucking crazy. and my whole family. i dont know how much more of it i can take. the first thing i heard when i woke up and started to walk down the stairs was "oh no. shes up. everybody run away"
from billy of course. hes so fucking full of himself. and theyre all mean to me. the second thing i heard was my mom on the phone. and then from my little brother "GOOD MORNING AMANDA I HATTTTEEEE YOU...."
i dont understand what i did to them. ever. i try to leave them alone. i always have. i just sit in my room for hours on end until they call me out to tell me something. and then they freak out and tell me to go back.
one of the things that makes it so fucking hard to live here is the fact that im a realist. and if someones pissing me off, no matter who they are....i speak up about it. but no nonononono everyone else in this god damn house is to polite to do that.
so im the ass hole now.
like billy. he comes home. all he does is complain about work and how he hates everyone. well fuck. hes a god damn bag boy, he doesnt do that much. he stands there and throws food in a bag. then he lifts it and puts it in a wagon. how hard is that? god id kill to get away from this houseand see new people for 3 hours a day. but he enver shuts up about it. so why doesnt he just quit. oh nonono he needs money. and he repeats himself. atleast 3 times. the same fucking story. 3 fucking times. no one cares. he thinks he rules. i hate him i hate it. so i say something. and everyone goes ape shit on me.
my moms driving me crazy to. shes reading books about epelepsy. i know a spelt that wrong. its a bad idea to read the fucking books about that seeing that my little brother has it and it just reminds her how fucking doomed we are when it coems to him. so shes worried as hell and hating me because i run around the house coughing and singing and being kind of ok.
i just dont know if i can handle any more of this. its ull shit. no one loves me and no ones understqands. i wish someone would take me away. but thats impossible. and i wish it werent.
this was one of my pics. but i had really bad eye circles. which is why i ddidnt post it in my diary. but it shows what i usually look like. tired and mean. no smile. ahhhhhhhhh! so ugly. i dont get it
i want to write an entry write now
but my brain has died
and i feel alone and sad
so i guess ill work on my webpage.
oh yes.
maybe
just maybe
itll be done by summer
sigh.,
wheres joe.
hes taking over my life
this is bull shit
bull shit bull shit.
i dont know why people smoking bothers me so much. maybe because watching papa die slowly fucking ate away at me and i dont want to have to go threw it again. ever.
but he asked me if smoking was bad. and i said "you know. my grandpa died of lung cancer, and that realk,ly fucking killed me because i loved him a lot. but whatever. i dont give a fuck"
and he didnt answer me
and he said "i love you. you know what right?" and i said "i should. but i dont beleive you. so no"
and he sighed
and said ok
and said he had to go
and left.
this is stupid.
crying sucks.
hate is bad.
oh jessssuusdfg.
joe just killed me
why the hell does he have to smoke......
why.........
joe is my valentine because i hate him
yeah this is a day late but im sick and coughing up blood
i think thats bad. sigh. aaaaarrrgggg.....i have to go to school tommorrow though
becauseeeee
its the dayyyy
beforeeeee
vacatioooooon.................
and i need to get stuff......
i shoudl stop biting my lip theyre all bloodish now.
and same for picking my arms.
GROWQL~!qweKJDHFG!~!~!~!~!~!~
bombay!!!!!
lisa i love your blog! yessssssssssss!~ and i still read your blog
im gonna sign your guestbook
i bet you didnt know i read
MAUAHAHAHAHHA
:)
lksjrflkjlk!
im sick again
sick and dying
and im tired
THEY WONT LKET ME SLEEEEEEP *murders*
shhhhhhhh.........................
YOU HEAR THE PENCIL AND THE PERNCIL SAYS....WOOOOOPAHHHHH!!!!!
i had a good day. and im waiting for joe. beause i hate him. and i hope he dies
what did i do. today. i passed in my collageeee of fishay WIIIAFLKHJFASZ....ewnt to break, but it was wasted cause we had to go to the piut so i harrassed the whore housesssse......we went to history and we have assigned seqats now and im with julia and nick and kali and we all had to take the test but kaliiii and we were all BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH and mr guy man made me move and juklia had the wrong test because she is retuasrtlkjetukhljsdroli;/rye5out RESTRAURANT!!!!
MMMMM like i was saying. the test was 100 questions multiple choice and matching. i finished in a half hour, went back to my desk with nick and julia, and they were retarded. and since nick is cool, i hewlpered him. and since julia is a whore, i helped her. i dont give a fuck. i wasnt cheating! NO!!! WHORE HOUSE!!!!!
my moms making hamburgers. im making an entry? why?
my ears itchy. what does it mean OHHHHH MY LIPS BURN LET ME itch my ear
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AND MY BAG BROKE! so i got to walk around in a na a a a aa a a retard way today. with one broken strap and one not beroken strap and it was completly insane! but stiull it was magic i wish i typed better!
NAAAAAROLTOU3WQ89U5O893QUUO532Q AND IN MATH ANTI SOCIAL BOY SPOEKE TO ME OF PENCILSSSS
a
nd andnadna
d
adndanad
da
adnkda
what else to sayu do i...........
ermbo.,THENRTKJYAYJRIU3YHR
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh stop pulling my hair.......
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I HAVE TO KILL SOMETIMEHTOSJKGJLKAjLGKJSOIT3UWOFS
something.
heeeeelpjesus.....
sick again sick again jiggidy jig
im posting jopes picture
cause hes GI JOE
and i dont wanna lose it.
so anyway.
nevermind
i wont lose it
geocities is being slow
and im bored
TRALALALA
ohhh i saw joes pic today
he is such a beautiful donkey yes.....
ohhhhhhh yes!
and he was angry looking like GI Joe.
so i said YOU LOOK LIKE GI JOE!
and he probably had no idea who that is
cause i mean....hes home schooled.....
and then i realized that his name was joe to...haaah yeah it wasnt really funny...
ahhhhh shit hell damn fuck donkey shit fuck jesus no swear cause AHHHHHH!!!!
tell me whats wrong with me.....what does MONO feel like....anybody? i swear to god im going insaneeeeee......my face is burning, im dizzy as hell, i cant stand up without falling over.....and mybrain isnt functoning as of now. my throat...is burning. and i keep getting muscle cramps.
and it just started after dinner?
so tired....................
maybe im just sickly.........mono is no...nooooo maybe i have the flu.....ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit my ear hurts. im burning up but im cold? and itchy always itchy.
AHHHHHHHHH ITS SO COLD....holy shit.....if i have mono. id murder. you can get mono from not kissing or drinking out of the same thing right? i think you can. the only person i haver sny chance of getting it from is courntey. nonon. see, shes a whore and made out wiuth some guy 4 times at a dance 2 weeks ago and shes been sick since.
im so tired.....i cant breathe?
im gonna explode. my family is driving me insane. insane insane insaneeee...... woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...............whats wrong with me!?
i cant read
but i have to answer notes
im breaking the rule
2
entries in one day
maybe iu should sleep
oioioioioifviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikjesl5uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgfgf.........
ahhhhhhhhh helpo me................
anybody.....this is not fun. im gonna take a hammer to my head. it hurts like a whore....
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah;.......jeeeesus crusyttyt.......
you dont ge ttt it....im so dizzy?
nooooo its not sicnkess our jsut oingng crazy.
i think to much.
yeah thats it............
heeeeeeleeeeeeeeeeeeetttftggf.... .......,,aaaaddddddddddddddds......
*dances*
dude i am so fucking happy i didnt get below a B-. you have noooooo idea how happy i was when i saw my report card. i danceddddd...i like dannnnnnced...here my grades for batman chacha!
English- A-
Intergrated Science- B+
Computer Application- A-
Spanish- B-
Ceramics- A-
now these might not seem good to you. but if i got anything under a B- the internet would be gone for me. and im happy. lalalalalalalalLALALLALAALLALALALALALALALALALALQALALAPLALALAS!!!!!!6rt5y7uuuuuuuu/
schools going good. the collage lady loves the collages im making. makes me happy. gym sucks.
ahhhhhhhhh happines..
(?)
over this no i cant
and now i can not stop pacing
give me a few hours ill have this all sorted out
if my mind would just stop racing
cause i can not stand still
i cant be this unsturdy
this can not be happening
this is over my head but underneath nmy feet
cause by tommorrow morning ill have thios thing beat
and everything will be back to the way that it was
i wish that it was just that easy
cause im waiting for tonight
then waiting for tommorrow
and im somewhere inbetween
what is real just a dream
what is real just a dream
what is real just a dream
would you if i fall out of what i fell in
dont be surprised if i collapse down at your feet again
i dont want to run away from this
i know that i just dont need this
cause i can not stand still
i cant be this unsturdy
this can not be happening
cause im waiting for tonight
then waiting for tommorrow
and im somewhere inbetween
what is real just a dream
what is real just a dream
what is real just a dream
what is real just a dream
i like my cabooooseeeeee........oh yes i hate that jergan commercial >:o| narfism. SNL is on soon. right now im trying to. kill something and talk to people.
heh i love my dog shes licking my feet. her bellys warm and stuff.
IVE BEEN WORKING ON MY WEBPAGE!? it isnt working. im...procraztianting that too. oi oi. nd my archives dont show anymore. ANYWHERE. and im going to KILL them. acctually, ill ut...try and fix it? lisa didnt know either.
NIEHTE RODOODOODD i.
ive been going to peoples sites off of imood and off blogger, and realizing how much better theirs are and just saying "fuck the webpage"
and
imtr ying to figure out what the hell to do about joe.
its insane
no ones knows whats going on iehte!~
OHHHH I FEEL CLEAN
i took a shower for the first time since thursday today. YESS~ im so dirty its sad. but. iu dunno. now my hairs. FAAAAANTG;AJG....
moms a pain in the ass when she wakes up
.she cant hear for shit. she never can. she just asked me to undo her bra
theyre pains in the asses
i like the house being neat
but it isnt
ever
im going to
kill them
ah jesus
crapcrap
this thing is an evil piece of shit! all i wanna do is make it so many name shows as "spanda 
MAAAAAAAAAAA YES WITH THE LITTLE FACE! I LOVE THAT FACE! I LOVE IT! TIS MY FAVORITE ROOOOOOOAR!!!!! AND SEEEEE! LOOK AT IT BIG TOO! AHHHHHH AHAHAHHAHA
AAHNHHHHAAAAAAA IS IT SO MUCH TO ASK!????
*cries*
I JUST WANT THIS THING TO WORK!!!!! THATS ALL!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BUT NO! SINCE YOUR BEING A BITCH WHORE....I WILL SLEEEEEP INSTEAD!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
well thats great
today joe decided to tell me he liked me
ahhhh MORE THEN A FRIEND!
and i said i was sorry that he did. cause thats sad/
and scary.
and i. dunno. hes gone. and it was retarded. cause ealier i called him crazy and hes like "yeah....about you"
sad
he thinks hes so great
but hes nice
why does ever girl like any nice guy. either nice, or badass.
is it cause theres about 4 nice guys left in the world?
nicks
nicer then him.
and he doesnt talk to me. anymoremoremore.
nick and david called me from cali today
nick hasnt talked to me online for the lognest time
my mom and little brother answered the phone
and my mom was all "yay guys call amanda...ahhh does he like you? you like him? whats he look like? is he white? is he jewish"
god...all i said was hey. and nick said david wanted me to call. so i was like ok. and he asked me what was wrong and i said nothing.
and then he asked if it was a bad time and i said "probably yeah..." and they said sorry. and he said hed talk to me ponline some other time.
and then i said bye
and hung up.
i miss nick.
hes cool.
im talking to david now.
about cutting.
((he knows to much))
ah.,..so uh...i woke up early today. at 11. i have some homework shit that i gotta do...i have exams next week. oive never had them cause im a freshman? but everyone is freaking about them? are they that bad!? maybe not here. we dont really have major exams im guessing. but i need to get an A on spanish. ive been haivng dreams about that class....seriously... (scary)
so.....away i go. with my tuna fish sandwhich. to read? i dunno.
ahhh...ahnd i have to find out what the fuck a parent directory is, because im trying to make my other blog save on a webpage instead of here. its a pain in the ass...i just cant get it to work at all. aaaaaaahhhhhhhhgggggggg and if i cant ill go INSANEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
heh.
i cleaned my room ALLLLLL dayyyyyyy........seriously, from 12-7. INSANEEEEEEE............it was funny :)
its clean now.
i have a floor...on my room...and a carpet...ITS PINK!
AH
AHH
AHHH
AHHHH
AHHHHH
AHHHHHH
AHHH
AHHHHH
AHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i have a blog. my blog is retarded. a lot of people who have a blog have a really cool site to go with it. and mine...its under fucking construction, all the time. cause im a retard. and im choking on my own breath...ahhhhh that sucks learn to spell you opsychotic whore yeahhhh thats about it.......
tired of myself
i am
i am so tired of me
me me me
fa fa fa
so
so
so
diedieide.
sigh. i wouldnt want to be around myself if i were someone else. i honestly wouldnt. im always "RJARJAKRJALK LALALA HCHAHCHAHCA OWORWORIWOR HADHAHHHHHHHHHH ARRRRR"
all the time
get a life
wish it was possible.
IT WORKS GOD DAMNIT IT WORKS
BASTARDS
killed
my
blog.....
yayyyyy pretty blue scroll bar.... ;)
lets me save finnally? yeah...same old same old....getting harder to smile again. its ok though.
lets me save finnally? yeah...same old same old....getting harder to smile again. its ok though.
arrr........sorry i havent writenaa.fa.................blargh.............i dunno......ive been doing...............i dunno.................. :|
amanda likes the stroke 9 song
called
letters
its
really
nice.
chacha..
looking
around
town
wonderin
how
i
met
her
pulling
away
pray
your
making
the
right
choice
your
pulling
away
stay
and
listen
to
my
voice
help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me 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help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me help me
whenever
i
need
to
talk
to
someone
the
most
absolutley
no
one
is
around.
im making a cry for help.
does anybody hear me?
fuck that.
i hate him.
littleeeeee.
shit.
dont ask.
ner.
i think he has the link to this.
nice.
fuck him.
so tired.
head heavy.
*collapses*
WHYYYYY THE FUCK DO I HAVE AN ERROR IN MY BLOGGGG
AHHHHHHHHHHH
BITCH
I NEED
TO
CHANGE
THIS
ICONNNNN
ner. i wonder if anyone else can see this face:
☺
damn...when did i make that post that said johns name over and over.
blah.
dont remember.
he must of been.
being a...
nipple
J
THIS GUY...makes...me...smile...☺ hahah...man...
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
jesus
im
goin
mad
lalala
lalalala
lalalalalal
alalalalalalalala
alalalalalalalalala
LALLALALA
LA
D
E
FUCKING
D
DA
D
A
D
AD;LKA
;FK
A;LFK
A'LGK
'ALK
'AKGA
'
john
john
john
john
john
john
john
bored.
fun pics.
scary people.
dont know.
one--uh...huh...?
two--like this one, she basically typed 666 on her forehead. woo wee...
three--ahh...*sigh*...scaryin a way? OEDIPUS!
four--his/her gothiness...scares me. oh lord. run and hide.
five--whats going on!?...mm...nachos?
six--mmm whore, looks like britney...whore...style...WHOREEE WHOREEEEE sittin in red
leather with devil ears to mcuh clevage and candels makes you goth!? wow...im so out of touch.
seven--heh...:)
eight--grrrrr....the retards of this world. i cant even beleive theirs a website ....like that..on the pic...stupid motherfucking world.
nine--true. yeah. wish...yeah...posers suck.
ten--she id a bad job at cutting herself out? wonder where she was before...
eleven--i think she colored her hair on the computer...if you look at it long enough.
ner...im done with that...
blah...kinda...low self esteem...right now. who cares.
my eyes bloodshot.
looks like im on drugs.
woah...flyyyyyy donkey je-sus...............
still. like. jumbles :)
where we sit in spanish, im the middle row, 3rd desk, and hes the last row...out of 6? in the second seat. and...its not lined up...so hes kind of just half way infront of me.
i was waiting for the teacher to make us do shit, cause i finished my class work...so i looked over cause this loud kid was talking and i was blah...so i look over, and i look at jumbles instead? and...he was looking right at me? so i looked away like i was looking at the corner of the room...then i looked back at him? and he was still looking at me. now...i know..a lot of times....you can mistake people for looking at you...and theyre not? but he was looking right at my eyes? and i mean. yeah. so i did a stupid thing and looked forward and put my elbow on the desk and my head in my palm. then the teacher talked. and i thought. and my face got red. and i sat....there...
and...then i went to....english...then lunch...and lunch wasnt that fun. cause i wanted to eat salad. but i didnt cause my friens were like "SHES GONNA EAAAAT!"
and...then failed a sciecne test...and then came home and got on puter...and talked to heather?
and she goes "AMANDA! *jummmmmbles* IS SO SMART!! SO MUCH SMARTER THEN HE LOOKS!"
and uh.,..i say "hes smart in spanish class too?" and she said "i didnt get a math question and he explained the whole thing to me and he was nice to me"
and...cause...he doesnt look nice...hes so...him...loveeee him. no i like him. a little bit kinda yeah.
so i said "he is nice though!?"
then she says..."hes always mean to me though...he reminds me of YOUUU~!"
and i said "heyheyhey"
and she goes "there was a paper clip on his desk and i asked him what he was going to do with it and he said 'im gonna stick it in darbys liver' and i said 'YOU REMIND ME OF AMANDA!'"
it might not of been liver. i dont remember. i was to busy thinking about how she damn said he reminded her of me, and saying AHHHHH! NOW HE KNOWS IM CRAZYYYYYYYYYY.... that...i forgot...
i dont know
what he said
back
probably nothing
because
he doesnt like me
but i
dont really
care?
cause i.
like him.
like.
cheese.
the end.
blah...my day was ok. went in. did stuff. only good time that mmade me smile a lot was lunch. with the teddy grahams orgy and all. *sigh* i like that guy...more ?
i wont put his name
cause,
im.
paranoid.
i call him. Jumbles. and yeah. i like him. for no reason. he shows zero intrest in me at all. except blurting things out at me in the middle of my presentations in spanish class. and looking at me sometimes. and jumping at me like a monkey that once. and. those other things he do that make me get all crazy. hmmm. dunno. just a crush. la de da. ill be over it when we dont have classes together after this term. i dont think we will. unless hes not in history yet....i think he is.
sooo that means ia classes, but nah....
and...im cold...and lisas computer is blah! which sucks.
i hate it. when i blush. whenever i make eye contact with jumles :) im so gay sounding that that i laugh at my llama ass...but whenever i do, it gives me goosebumps, and my blood like rushes up my back, and then my face...gets blushed. it sucks. atleast they dont notice im blushing. my face is always blushing. :( blah....to this.....blog entry.....
oh yeah. president elephant man. ayeee....
frabble....hehe....ark...the emperors new grooove...is funny...cause he turns into a llama :) and i was sitting here going..."ARK ARK! THE EMPERORS NEW GROOOOOOOVE...."
yeah.....my moms on the phone with my grandmother talking about how she thinks theirs a severe line of mental disorder running through this family. wow. who didnt catch that one? now seriously. ive known it forever. hell my mom has some sort of mental disorder, she has to. and me. i probably do to.
my great
uncle
is
a
scitzophreniac?
i cant spell.
but shit.
god fucking damnit.
*sigh*
la.....la.......