You've got to visit createafart.com. Guaranteed to make you laugh every time. I don't know what it is, but farts are always funny (well, not if you're in an elevator and not the one who did it).

 
august 29, 2001
 
First thoughts on the new Power Macintosh G4 QuickSilver:

• I love the new look
• Adding RAM and other components is just plain simple
• Not as fast as I expected, but I am not using both processors since I am still running Mac OS 9.2.1 (since Photoshop, Quark, Illustrator, and a slew of other applications I use have not been written for OS X yet.) Photoshop flies.
• Apple no longer puts a manual eject button on the CD-RW/Superdrive. You open the drive with a button on the keyboard!?
• On the other hand, Appe has removed the power button from the keyboard! Starting on Macs since Summer 2000 you have to turn your computer on by the power button on the CPU (very PC-ish and annoying if you keep your computer under your desk). Why Apple changed this, I don't know. Without the Power Key you can no longer do a soft restart (Command-Control-Power) from the keyboard either.
• The fans in these things are loud!
• The speaker on the front is wild - definitely stylish. But there is no cover over it. The setup manual (page 11) says "Touching the speaker can damage it." Not realizing this, the first thing a co-worker did while gawking at his new 800 Mhz Dual Processor was touch the speaker with his finger. Good luck to all the schools with this one.

 
august 28, 2001
 
Just posted: Young Life Medicine Bow 2001 photos. Thanks to those who have waited so long for me to finish them. Enjoy!

 
august 27, 2001
 
There was a man standing on the corner passing out leaflets for a sandwich shop this morning. As he tried to hand me one, I raised my hand and politely said, "No thanks."

He replied, "You'll be sorry 'cause it's gonna be rainin'."

I'm not too sure what that meant.

 
august 26, 2001
 
Happy Birthday Emily! It's hard to believe one year ago this day that Stacey and I were in the hospital welcoming our daughter into this world!

 
august 16, 2001
 
I frequently grab lunch at Sopraƒƒina Market Caffé. They have the best paninis I have ever had. They're expensive, but far better than any Panera or Au Bon Pain sandwich. I recommend 'The Parma' (#4) or 'The Cortina' (#5). The guy that makes the paninis calls me Chief. I have never heard him call anyone else Chief, which made me think of this story by Matt Sullivan. I got my panini and hopped on the elevator. Another guy got in and hummed a toe-tapping song (for him at least) the whole way up.

My desk is on the 6th floor. I sit next to the Atrium (an open area from the ground to the top floor). There is some sort of function going on down on the 3rd floor. There has been a man playing the Steel Drums (you know, the ones that they play on islands of paradise) since 9:00am. It is now after 1:00pm. I'm a bit tired of Steel Drums.

 
august 15, 2001
 
Lesson: Know your surroundings when on public transportation. I was in deep concentration on the train home tonight, finishing up a project that I am trying to bring to the web. I don't know if the intercom in the train was working or not since I was so focused on what I was doing, but I missed my stop. When I realized the train was at my station, it was too late. The doors had already closed. Ten minutes later I was at the next stop, ten more minutes I was on the next train, and ten more minutes I was back to where I should have been in the first place. Needless to say, that probably won't happen again.

 
august 14, 2001
 
On the trip out to Medicine Bow with Young Life last month, kids on the bus played a game called "Farkle". It's a dice game with one goal; don't lose. Before the game starts, the players decide on a punishment for the loser. In one of the first games, a girl from Milwaukee (who's name I don't remember), lost and had to sing a song to the passengers on the bus over the intercom. With her headphones on she sang I'm Like A Bird along with Nelly Furtado on her CD player. We got the acappella version. I heard Nelly's version for the first time on the radio today. I didn't like the song either time, but I have to admit I grows on you.

 
august 13, 2001
 
The same kid has called my cell phone 6 times now. "Is Tiffany there?"

"No. You have the wrong number."

"Sorry, bro."

My cell phone has Caller ID so you would think after a couple of times I wouldn't answer it anymore. True, but he calls from a different number each time and it's obvious it is him because every time he calls me "bro". Next time he calls I'm going to call right back and ask for Tiffany. I'll say I'm her doctor and I just wanted to let her know and say I'm sorry that the results she has been concerned about came back positive.

 
august 01, 2001
 
It has been really hot this week in Chicago. Temperatures the last few days have been in the mid-90's with a heat index above 100° (up to 105°) and humidity at almost 100%. The World Gym in downtown Chicago has gotten on my bad side because they make an employee hand out ad flyers on the Lyric Opera Bridge to commuters leaving the train station. The employee, who is an older man, wears a full gorilla suit. (I didn't really want to include the name or the link of the gym, but did in case you want to contact management. Phone: 312-357-9753.)

 
july 31, 2001
 
A few weeks back I received an email from a friend. It was a forwarded message, an indicator that it was a piece of chain mail. I opened it anyway (like I usually do), and to my surprise it was a memory game (of sorts). I enjoy these types of email - anything to test my cognitive abilities. Anyway, take this simple test yourself.

Instructions (Read First!): This is a simple psychoanalytic test to measure your memory. Click to open the first Superman picture. Take 10 seconds to memorize it (make sure to time yourself - and don't cheat!), noting all you can about the picture. Close the first, and then click to open the second. Without reopening the first try to note each of the differences between the two pictures. There are at least three. If you can find five or more, you are of above average intelligence.

Superman 1
Superman 2

 
july 30, 2001
 
This past weekend Stacey, Emily and I took a trip to Platteville, Wisconsin for a family reunion. I had to work on Friday, so they drove up on Thursday night and I followed on Friday night. We stayed at the Super 8 motel. I can't say enough about the Super 8; the nice linens on the bed, the powerful window air conditioner, the circa 1990's television on a swivel stand, the damp carpets from the humidity, and all for the price of higher than expected. As Stacey waited for me in the lobby, a couple of large guys walked in. The Chicago Bears training camp was in session. Although she didn't know it at the time (because she isn't the biggest football fan), one of the guys was Big Cat Williams. I didn't get to see anything related to the Bears that weekend (except for a couple a fans wearing jerseys).

Funny thing happened on my way out of town when heading to Platteville. I was driving South on Route 31 before hopping on Route 90 West when I decided to pull into a MacDonald's for dinner. The drive-thru had a long wait so I drove around the building and parked the Jeep so I could run in to the counter. I placed my order, paid, ran back out to the car, and checked my order as I started to drive away. I checked my blind spot and continued checking my order as I exited the MacDonald's parking lot. Turns out that while I was looking into my MacDonald's bag to make sure they got the order correct, the road turned and exited to the right. I continued straight...down the stair, over the sidewalk and down the curb to the street. I'm an excellent driver - really, I am.

 
july 27, 2001
 
I hate PowerPoint. I really do. Although I have little experience using the program I have sat in many presentations that use PowerPoint. Many people share my view and have appropriately renamed it PowerPointless. Have you ever had anyone ask you to watch home movies or look at old photographs of their family - a family to which you don't belong? That's about how excited I get when I see someone launching PowerPoint for their demonstration or salespitch.

 
july 17, 2001
 
Good grief. Man trapped in a Johnny-On-The-Job.

 
july 6, 2001
 
While talking with Stacey on the phone, I asked her to remind me to pack my fly for the backpacking trip. She said that I shouldn't pack my fly because that was the same as a woman stuffing her bra. Funny.

Brendan Lee, a contributing author to Sweet Fancy Moses, has posted his latest novella titled Air. I am providing the link because Brendan is a student at Taylor University (and the story is just plain good).

The MacWorld Conference & Expo New York is July 17-24, 2001. An article on MacNN (Macintosh News Network) tells of a new Apple billboard in New York. A reader posted the following comment that I found humorous:

I (heart) new york gives me some good ideas for bumper stickers. how about:
I (spade) my cat.
I (club) baby seals.

 
july 5, 2001
 
I'm leaving for Medicine Bow this Saturday morning. We will be heading out to base camp in Medicine Bow National Forest in Encampment, Wyoming and then down to Rocky Mountain National Park for our backpacking trip. I am glad to be going, although it will be difficult leaving Emily for the first extended time. It's tough to leave Stacey too. She loves these types of trips and hasn't been able to go on one yet. Last year she was pregnant with Emily and the year before there wasn't enough interest to justify a girls trip (the typical high school girl doesn't see the beauty of squatting in the woods). See photos from last year.

An update to that lizard mentioned here. "Thanit said forestry officials will visit Chamlong's shelter every day to give proper advice and care to the reptile, which is thought to have fallen ill." It couldn't be from that milk and yogurt they've been feeding it, could it? Nah.

I bought a new Canon EF 75-300 f/4.0-5.6 III USM lens this morning. (I didn't buy it at Amazon as the link would suggest. B & H had it much cheaper.)

 
july 3, 2001
 
The Birds And The Bees. They both "do it".

There are all types of passengers on the trian. Today, a man reading The Econonist sat next to a man of about the same age who was reading WWF. I think both were just looking at the pictures.

 
july 2, 2001
 
I ran in my first 5K run Saturday morning to benefit Young Life. I was intimidated a little bit before the race began. I'm not a runner by nature. I'm pretty out-of-shape. A bad combo for a competitive personality. My training consisted of running 3 times during the week, none of which was the full distance that I would be running that day. When I pulled up in my car 30 minutes before the race began, there were runners all over the place. Some were jogging, stretching, or doing whatever they could to warm up. Me, I just planned on getting out of the car and doing a couple quick stretches to get the blood flowing. The more experienced runners' shirts were already wet with perspiration. I was way overmatched.

After talking with a couple of friends, it was obvious none of us were expecting great pesonal results. I think most were trying to make it appear that they were just out to run and the results didn't matter. "I'm hoping to break 30 minutes," Marcus said.

Art commented, "I have 2 goals. One, finish. Two, beat somebody."

I agreed that I just wanted to break 30 minutes, although I knew I would. After talking about our not-so-lofty goals, I agreed to run with Marcus. After all, he said he ran the race in 21 minutes the previous year and I assumed he was just being polite like all the others I had spoken with.

As we were talking, we were startled by the sound of the shotgun. I was taken offguard. Like a petrified rabbit I started my 3.1 miles, darting in and out of the slower runners, trying to make my way to the front. When the shotgun sounded all of my promises were quickly broken and I felt horrible for not running with my partner(s). But heck, I wasn't going to slow down. It was race for crying out loud. Then I realized I started the race way too fast. I was running at a pace beyond my lung capacity. I was immediately tired.

I was pleased with my 1 mile split, but realized I better slow it down or else I would be walking. Others would we walking, wouldn't they? (Turns out no.) To my surprise, there were quite a few women who were way ahead of me and disappearing. I am not ashamed of it. Although, I was a little bothered by the 10-12 year old kids who finished ahead of me...by a lot.

FINISH TIME: 25:05.3

See the complete race results.

 
june 29, 2001
 
I mentioned the street drummer yesterday. Although a little pungent, the guy's got talent. He doesn't have the best voice and most times I don't know what song he is singing, but he puts a hop to my step when I pass him by. His timing is good too. Fresh tunes or cover songs aside, my favorite is when he throws in (and he does it often) "Here we go, here we go now, ding-a-ling-ding-ding" to keep the beat between songs.

I didn't think people wore BIKE® shorts anymore.

11-Year Old Breezes Through Golf Final. Amazing. And I thought Tiger was good.

 
june 28, 2001
 
Yesterday Paula Poundstone was arrested on charges of misconduct with a child. A snippet on the radio quoted her as saying, "I have faith that the truth is the right thing." I had to think about that for a minute because that sentence has several meanings. Any ideas?

I pass several street people (homeless, beggars, musicians, etc.) when walking too and from the train station. The "drummer" has gotten new buckets. The "drummer" is now using 2 USG SHEETROCK® Joint Compound buckets. In light of announcing Chapter 11, could it be that United States Gypsum has found a new marketing medium? Definitely cheaper advertising.

Flocking To See The Lucky Lizard. I love the quote, "Just like the boy, the lizard is very polite, she added." It likes milk and drinking yogurt too!

 
june 27, 2001
 
Let's talk about the elevator. It is the most-used form of transportation (for human travel). I must encourage you, if you are one of these people, please STOP stupid habits.

Quite often I am the first person to wait for the elevator to stop at my floor. I push the button, either up or down, depending on which vertical direction I will be going. The button will tell you when it has been pressed, usually by lighting up (isn't technology amazing?). If the up arrow is lit, the elevator will be arriving to take passengers up. If the down arrow is lit, the opposite. Almost all elevators have this remarkable built-in feature. Even though the button is lit, why do people people still push it again? I see it over and over. They know the elevator is on the way, but they do it anyway.

Several weeks ago, a man joined me on the elevator. He got on after I did. Turns out he was going to the same floor as me. Of course, he pushed the button again (although it was already lit). Then things got weird. He continued to push it, over and over, as fast as he could. It was as if he was in a trance. He didn't even look at me three feet away. I, however, watched him out of the corner of my eye acting as if this were normal. It wasn't.

 
june 26, 2001
 
Today I recieved the following voice mail. I love getting these kinds of messages.

"Greetings. I'm looking for Fex Ooksna. I need to talk about Grey Condor. There's been some trouble here and we need to talk about the [start whisper] Grey Condor [end whisper]. Fex Ooksna, are you there? Let me give you my full information because I don't have your full information [partial laugh], [sigh] so the next time we do this voice mail exchange please leave me more detailed information about how to get you. This is the only number I've got for you currently. ...[gives contact info]... So, let's be talking. I hope you're not already gone. I've been bad about checking that machine. Bye. [click]"

 
june 25, 2001
 
I hate when it's hot. On the really hot days I have a dilemma on the train ride home. It has become apparent that one half of the train is usually several degrees cooler (from the air conditioning) than the other half. I want the cooler air on those hot days. Unfortunately, the cooler half is home to the lavoratory and when that train is been running all day with thousands of passengers... See my dilemma?

It's Rambo in a dress. Hold on. Rambo plays tennis at Wimbledon? Oh my.

 
june 22, 2001
 
An African-American woman who was dressed in a fancy, navy blue business suit passed me on the sidewalk today. For some reason, and I don't know why, my eyes glanced down at her legs. She was wearing white pantyhose. For one, white pantyhose on a black woman seems odd. Even worse, the woman had hairy legs. Very hairy.

Lhasa Apso Returns After 6-Year Roam. Good boy, Lukee.