Thursday, September 13, 2001

i can't get my eyes away from the tv.
i think abc's my favorite channel.
i just want to be surrounded with people i love.
i just want to be surrounded by people.
i'm scared. i personally have no reason to be afraid.
but i am...i want to talk to people and hug
people..do something you know?
i'm sick of watching tv. there is never any good
news. but i want to be ready and aware in case
something happens...haha don't know how i
would get ready though.
i thought i was hard and emotionless to things that
weren't directly related to me...but this shit
is bringing me to tears.
i need people and i don't want anyone to die..
this is the first time since probably my dad
died that i have been so torn up inside by
something that i have not had a part in.
but...i mowed the grass today. that felt good.
i don't like the dark when i'm alone - it makes
it harder to fake that i'm strong.
posted by emily ryan, at 10:37 PM

i got the job at first ward!
so i'll be working full time and makin
money...but i need an apartment
which'll take most of it.
now i just have to pass the drug test.
...
...
;)
posted by emily ryan, at 2:25 PM

Tuesday, September 11, 2001

messed up shit man...
i hope there isn't a war.
not too be to typical...
but my problems seem pritty
insignificant.
i've said my prayers...i hope everything
works out peacefully...which sounds
pathetic to say in a world that's so violent.

the one time i wrote about someone using
names on here they read it. i'm sorry andrew.
i was hurt. but it doesn't give me the right to
assume.
posted by emily ryan, at 2:41 PM

Sunday, September 09, 2001

i think my spirits's finally cracked.
i've lost it all...
posted by emily ryan, at 1:27 PM

Friday, September 07, 2001

at my sisters in saginaw.
i just sprayed fabreeze all over myself cause
i 'stink like smoke' the smeelll is bad for babies
they say. well now i'll be sneezing all night...
second interview was promising today.
sounds like it won't be the slack job it was last year...
but it's prolly about time i start dong some work.
the lady seemed impressed by the b.s. i threw at her.
but i did honestly look like shit. i went camping last
night and i was greasy and dirty. but i changed my shirt
and brushed my teeth fer the interview...high class alll the
way baybay!
so now i sit. hmm. i might go get a tea in a little bit.
but i guess that's about all there is to do.
i guess i must be pretty lame. it seems like i go everywhere
by myself. i think i'd like to go on a date sometime. but
not with anyone i know.
sprout is playing tonight, but i can't get in cause i'm obviously
not mature enough...being 20 and all..
haha.
it's funny i really don't bitch this much. only when i type.
seems like the highs and lows are starting to get to me
or something.
hmm.
oke
posted by emily ryan, at 8:37 PM

Thursday, September 06, 2001

so i was in saginaw yesterday and i asked
my friend melanie if i could stay at her house.
she said shur...and i hung out with kevin.
happy bday kevin.
and when i went to wendys house where she
should be at the time she should be there (about
1-ish) she wasn't there. she wasn't at her house
either. so i was a little pissed. i drove around
for a while and they still didn't show up.
i was stoned and tired and knew i couldn't
just show up at someones door that late. so i
decided i'd drive to west branch. it sucked i
had to force myself awake. and i scared my mom
when i walked in and the dog barked blah blah.
i'm not really mad cause it seems like this kinda
shit seems to me happen all of the time.
people are hoes and theyre not considerate at all.
and i'm just a bit irritated. i never do that kinda shit
to people...ever. i never hoe out on anyone.
i swear theres some largish humiliation in my
life like every day.
i hate myself sometimes. but i don't think it's
my fault cause there has got to be some
nice people out there...
posted by emily ryan, at 4:43 PM

Wednesday, September 05, 2001

i got to watch saved bye the bell this morning!
i haven't got to see that show in forever.
rock on.
anyways. i have an interview in saginaw this morning.
so i gots to get ready. hmm. wish me luck!
posted by emily ryan, at 7:55 AM

Monday, September 03, 2001

so anyways. hookah was excellent...
the weekend could have been better though.
megan ( the girl i went with ) got her bag stolen
and we sat around allll day sunday waiting for
the locksmith and stuff.
friday was fun...too fun i was totally dead on
saturday and just ended up sleeping the whole
time and going to bed right after hookah.
plus all the kids from saginaw that were there
didn't seem to happy to see me. andrew, josh,
sonya, and april. i'm talking about you all.
tho i doubt any of you read this. they are horrible
friends and for some reason don't seem to
even care about me at all anymore. i don't know
what i did. i know april doesn't like me cause
shes dating andrew who i used to date, but geeezzz
why does she gotta be so gay. i have no
interest in him at all. not even as a friend cause hes
mean to me. sonya...i donno what's up her butt..
and josh i donno. he just doesn't care about
many people i don't think.
and they all act like i'm nuts if i ask why
they are so cold to me. i'm not crazy
and i notice when people are acting kinda rude
to me. i'm not THAT fucking sensitive and i don't
make things up you know.
so i guess they are better off left alone.
oh yea. they coulda been mean cause i was with
megan. who is also andrews ex...yea i know.
and i dont think they like her. but fuck man
who else was i supposed to go with. they
made it pritty obvious i wasn't going to be able
to catch a ride with them.
sorry i just need to bitch. i'm so friendless and it
hurts. i don't see what i'm doing wrong or whats
wrong with me.
blah
posted by emily ryan, at 9:13 PM